Children being nasty to parents

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Why the children today (older than teenagers) are not respectful and loving to their parents?

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[+4] - dyslexia - 03/19/2010yes, on the other hand the rules parents make should be rational, no matter if the child finds them rational they still need to be rational.

@Sue2010,

which ones, I'll go have a talk with them...

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@Sue2010,

Sue2010 wrote:

Why the children today (older than teenagers) are not respectful and loving to their parents?

Perhaps their parents never taught them to be respectful.

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@CalamityJane,

took the words from my mouth - although there is a certain rebellion among teenagers more to try out being more independent, but complete disrespect and rudeness is almost always due to what the parents taught (or did not teach) when they were younger.

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I enjoyed reading the replies. If out of 4 children, one is disrespectful then you can not really blame the parents. No parent (normally) would teach the child to misbehave. It is just that some people can not control their anger or frustration. They take the parents for granted, because no matter what we will always love the child. Some are spoiled brats. Is loving too much a mistake?

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@Sue2010,

Depends entirely on what "loving too much" means.

Consistently enforcing boundaries, for example, can be more loving than failing to do so.

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@sozobe,

Quote:

Consistently enforcing boundaries, for example, can be more loving than failing to do so.

And insisting on children upholding standards is more loving then letting them do what they want. My kids have a lot of freedom, I dont believe in micromanaging their lives, but they know what they need to get done. If they fail with out trying then they face me, and they have learned they dont want to go there.

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@Sue2010,

Quote:

If out of 4 children, one is disrespectful then you can not really blame the parents. No parent (normally) would teach the child to misbehave.

Wow...children need boundaries. In the absence of boundaries they seek to find those boundaries. You in fact teach children to misbehave when you don't teach them to behave.

Quote:

It is just that some people can not control their anger or frustration.

Poppycock. Every single person on earth can control their temper/frustration. Those that 'can't' just haven't learnt too....and even those that 'haven't learnt to' can control their anger when they don't like the consequences of displaying that anger.

Quote:

They take the parents for granted, because no matter what we will always love the child. Some are spoiled brats. Is loving too much a mistake?

Loving too much is never a mistake. Mistaking a lack of discipline for love is a mistake. Mistaking not sticking to your word as being love is a mistake. Mistaking 'not teaching your child that actions have consequences' for love is also a mistake.

How on earth do you think a child becomes 'spoilt'? And later, a spoilt brat? Is that due to love, or to spoiling the child?

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I agreed with 2 previous posters.
Children are what they live and parents are so foulable and kids see them do one thing and say another. Your kids have to know they are loved.

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Yes, children need boundaries and one of the hardest thing to do
is reinforcing those boundaries consistently. It is much easier
to give in and let them have their freedom. Unfortunately, lots of parents
take the easy road and don't set boundaries and don't discipline.

My daughter knows that she'll have to suffer the consequences if she
doesn't comply with the rules, and most importantly - she knows that I
can't be persuaded otherwise.

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@CalamityJane,

yes, on the other hand the rules parents make should be rational, no matter if the child finds them rational they still need to be rational.

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@vikorr,

vikorr wrote:

Quote:
It is just that some people can not control their anger or frustration.

Poppycock. Every single person on earth can control their temper/frustration. Those that 'can't' just haven't learnt too....and even those that 'haven't learnt to' can control their anger when they don't like the consequences of displaying that anger.

I think this may be a bit too inclusive. I don't think every single person on earth can control their temper/frustration. Most, yes, every? I don't think so...

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@Sue2010,

Adults have always complained about children. Nothing has changed. The adults around you when you were a child complained as much about your behavior as you complain about kids today.

Quote:

"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for
authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place
of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their
households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They
contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties
at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.

This was recorded in Plato more than 2400 years ago (attributed to Socrates, but this is disputed).

But the point is that Adults having been whining about "kids these days" for more than 2000 years.

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@Sue2010,

Is the child you are talking about an adult now? You said older than teenager in the first post. There may be two sides to this question. Were you being insistent that an adult child of yours obey you?

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@ebrown p,

Just what I was going to say...

We can´t blame everything on parents.
Children need boundries, but it depends on how it is done.
Too much can make a child feel closed in and not having a chance to develope their personality. Then they might rebellion and be nasty as grown ups
A girl who is not allowed to play football because she is a girl.
A child who is not allowed to play an instrument because there were noone in the family ever playing an instrument.
A child painting a green sun will be corrected as a sun is yellow.
Don´t do this - don´t do that what will the neighbours think.

Parents love can also be a burden.
We always wanted the best for you. We have always done everything for you
We have sacrified so much for you.....

Make me think about the mother who told about her two married children:
Her daughter married such a nice guy. He has a good job, he is a marvellous cook, he his fantastic with the garden, he loves to give her presents and flowers.
Her son married a real lazy bitch. He has to work. He has developed into a great cook because she is a hopeless woman who can´t cook. She never does a thing in the garden he has to do everything himself. And she demands he brings her flowers and gifts.

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Funny and true, saab!

If the child is older than a teenager, there may be another factor in play. How have the parents treated THEIR parents? (Children learn by example.)

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@Eva,

How do parents change when becoming parents-in-law? Do the treat the new person in the family nice or with side remarks and critisim?
How do the behave as grandparents? Do they know everything better than the parents?
Are these changes something which maybe make the children behave nasty to parents.

1 Reply

@saab,

We have a saying towards in-laws: if your daughter marries you gain a son,
if your son marries you lose him.

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@dyslexia,

dyslexia wrote:

yes, on the other hand the rules parents make should be rational, no matter if the child finds them rational they still need to be rational.

Definitely dys!! Parents have to grow with the kids. You cannot treat a
teenager like he/she is still 4 years old. Everything has to be age appropriate
and within reason/being rational.

I once got into trouble, because I let my then 11 year old and her girlfriend
watch a PG-13 movie. It was nothing, really, but the girl's mother was not pleased.

1 Reply

@CalamityJane,

Funny I had heard the opposite! I guess it depends on your prespective (and past experiece).

1 Reply

Children being nasty to parents

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