sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2011 12:05 pm
@sozobe,
One thing to add about boyland, long conversations et al -- if you say to sozlet "something sad happened and I want to talk about it," she's all ears. She's very sympathetic and supportive. She just doesn't do the whole "signal" thing very well. (You have to say "I want to talk to you about something" instead of sitting there looking sad and waiting for her to initiate.)
JPB
 
  2  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2011 12:08 pm
@sozobe,
ah... Sounds like she and Kay need to come to an understanding about sozlet's reality in boy land and girl land.
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2011 12:09 pm
@JPB,
Yep.

This has been something they've bonded over in the past -- Kay has not been very girly. But that seems to have changed.

I do think sozlet needs to become more fluent in both modes, even if she uses one most of the time.
0 Replies
 
Butrflynet
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2011 02:49 pm
@sozobe,
sozobe wrote:

One thing to add about boyland, long conversations et al -- if you say to sozlet "something sad happened and I want to talk about it," she's all ears. She's very sympathetic and supportive. She just doesn't do the whole "signal" thing very well. (You have to say "I want to talk to you about something" instead of sitting there looking sad and waiting for her to initiate.)


I wonder if sharing some insights with her on reading faces and body language would help Sozlet with reading Kay's moods. You could make a game of it by being people watchers from a distance while out shopping and make up stories to interpret their body language and facial expressions.
sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2011 06:36 pm
@Butrflynet,
Well, that's part of what I mean about "sensitive mode" -- she can do it, as in she has the knowledge, she just generally operates from a position that you should say what you mean and mean what you say, and she doesn't enjoy always monitoring for little glances and hurt feelings. She can, just prefers not to, and has to switch from her default mode to go there.

(Meanwhile, as of right now, things have improved greatly. They were able to walk the last stretch to school together, before C was around, and that laid some groundwork. Among other things, turns out that yes, Kay's mom had been giving her some ahem advice, based on a not totally accurate understanding of the situation. Kay realized that things had gone too far, and understands that sozlet does still like her and is allowed to have other friends. Hopefully she'll come over tomorrow after school, we'll see. Fingers crossed.)
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2011 06:50 pm
@sozobe,
Oh, nice! Let's hope things stay friendly from here.
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2011 06:50 pm
@sozobe,
... I did say "more fluent," though.

What I mean by that is really more knowing when it's important to switch from one mode to another rather than standing on principle. (She'd generally prefer to deal with people who are more straightforward, and has little patience for the prototypical girly type.) However, in this case, standing on principle threatened to really put this relationship in jeopardy, and she had to decide whether the attack of girliness was worth letting the whole relationship tank. (And if sozlet didn't switch modes, I'm not sure how far it would have gone. Kay might have come around eventually, but I don't know.)
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Wed 31 Aug, 2011 06:50 pm
@JPB,
Thanks! Definitely hoping. We'll see.
0 Replies
 
 

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