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Widows and Relationships

 
 
Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2010 10:57 am
When is a widow ready for a relationship? What signs to look for? I've been seeing a wonderful woman for a few months now. We go out anywhwere from 2-3 times per week, and talk daily via phone, email, text msg. She calls it "non-dating" though...and even though we do everything people do on dates, she says she's not ready. So I guess that's a sign. I really enjoy being with her and look forward to being around her. So, do I wait, and just not push things? Does it matter if she calls it dating or non-dating? Or should I just cut ties completely and move on?
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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 4,515 • Replies: 6
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drillersmum
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Mar, 2010 11:35 am
@painman2001,
This tag 'Widows and Relationships' caught my interest hence my response.
Obviously your lady is enjoying your company very much, and it has only been, as you say, a few months. You haven't mentioned how long she has been widowed. Has she been widowed months or years? Speaking as a widow myself, I would never want to enter another relationship ever, but would sure go along with a friendship like you and she have struck up between you both. It seems a shame that you feel like cutting ties completely and moving on. What's your hurry? If you wanted to 'test the waters' you could try backing off a little bit... which might start to make her realise how much she misses you. While you are going out 2 to 3 times a week, talking daily on the phone, emailing and texting, you may already be fullfilling her every need so that she has no need for anything more. Would she miss you if you only went out once or twice a week? if the phone calls and text messages weren't so frequent?
I'm only trying to put myself in her shoes, and I'm thinking she has the best of both worlds... she has her independance, she has her social life, with you, and no commitments. Wow... I like that.
Why would you want to cut ties completely and move on so soon? Give her more time. There may be issues she has that you are unaware of. Crikey, give the girl a chance. A few months is not long enough for some people. I know some people can meet, marry and divorce in just a few months. Everyone is different. I'll be watching this post with bated breath LOL.
painman2001
 
  1  
Reply Mon 15 Mar, 2010 10:09 am
Apologize for not getting back sooner.
She has been widowed for just over 1 year.
I don't want to cut ties. I guess in asking that, I came across the wrong way. I just really enjoy her company. And you are right, it has only been a few months. I'm learning patience! I "know" that going slow is the best course, but it's hard because I really enjoy her company so much...it's hard to not want more. That's what I struggle with. Hell no do I want to cut ties. Thanks for responding!
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painman2001
 
  1  
Reply Mon 15 Mar, 2010 10:14 am
@drillersmum,
It's just over a year for her now and in doing some reading, and also thinking about it, a year really isn't that long. The hard part for me is I know I have to go slow and have patience, but I just enjoy her company so much that I want more. So I struggle with backing off somewhat in hopes that in time there will be more. I don't want to cut ties...I think the way I wrote my question came out the wrong way. I enjoy her company, her personality, her smile. We have alot of fun whenever we do things together. So given that, I want to do more things together! Simple!. Thanks for responding and I apologize for not getting back sooner. I didn't get any sort of email that this had been updated and I forgot to check back. I'll check back more regularly. Thanks.
Lettie
 
  1  
Reply Mon 15 Mar, 2010 04:20 pm
@painman2001,
I posted just today on what's going on with a widow that I've been dating for nine months now...you should take a read. There are many issues to consider and I hope you're aware of all of them before it leads to any pain. Lettie
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vikorr
 
  2  
Reply Tue 16 Mar, 2010 01:51 am
@painman2001,
Quote:
When is a widow ready for a relationship? She has been widowed for just over 1 year.

We go out anywhwere from 2-3 times per week, and talk daily via phone, email, text msg. She calls it "non-dating" though...and even though we do everything people do on dates, she says she's not ready.
So, do I wait, and just not push things? Does it matter if she calls it dating or non-dating? Or should I just cut ties completely and move on?

Sorry to say, but she sees you as only just slightly more than a friend - someone she can keep around to keep her from feeling lonely and give her some attention, but not someone she wants to have a relationship with.

Quote:
I just really enjoy her company. And you are right, it has only been a few months. I'm learning patience! I "know" that going slow is the best course, but it's hard because I really enjoy her company so much...it's hard to not want more.


What the? Have some respect for yourself. It is absolutely right for you to want more with the right person. What you really mean is 'it's hard for me to be dishonest about wanting more'....also hence the 'have some respect for yourself'.

Why do you feel that you have to hide desire for her? Have you ever known a woman to want to hop in bed with someone that doesn't show desire for her? Do you know women who like men who don't dare be themselves whatever the consequence? Men who don't have the self-esteem and self-confidence to go after what they want? Seriously, you are doing yourself a disservice by hiding your desire. Btw, that doesn't mean you have to be disrespectful in your desire towards her, but dont' ever pretend that you don't want her.

Anyway, that part appears moot. It appears to me as I said earlier, that she's just using you....and yes, she'd be nice as pie about it, because she won't get what she wants being a bitch...and by being nice but distant, she can get what she wants without having to 'pay' for it (ie go to the next level / have a sexual relationship with you). Move on.
painman2001
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Mar, 2010 07:16 am
@vikorr,
I agree with some of your comments. Thanks for the reply. I think I was/am just slightly more than a friend. She commented a number of times as to what my "infatuation" with her was. Thinking about it...I was her infatuation.

I haven't hid my desire for her, and have said so directly to her a number of times. Guess I didn't come across clearly enough in my post. Anyways...not sure where it's at, well, I think I know, but not 100%. I'm going to back off, give her space, and do some dating.
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