5
   

I want to abuse my girlfriend.

 
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2010 08:08 pm
@ossobuco,
Mulling.
I didn't mean you can continue on and on by having bike rides as an outlet.
More that if this stuff is happening and you are still there, that is something you can do.
I do agree with everyone's point about walk-away.
Love is complicated at the best of times, and at the worst, love may be the wrong word. I do think you two need space rather badly - but this is said from many miles away.

echi
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2010 08:10 pm
@dlowan,
Hey, thanks for the links, dlowan. Much appreciated. And no worries about the BPD label, or anything. Actually, I'm a diagnosed Schizoid Personality, which sounds way worse to me!
Wink
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2010 08:11 pm
Aacck, go get a taco! Er, request a taco.
0 Replies
 
echi
 
  1  
Reply Sat 27 Feb, 2010 08:14 pm
@ossobuco,
Oh, I know, Ms. Osso. It's good advice. Thank goodness ours is a two TV household. Only one computer, though, and I kinda think she wants it now, so I'd better hand it over!
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Feb, 2010 02:51 am
@echi,
echi wrote:
She has hit me before. It's very toxic, and very complicated.

...we are unable to communicate with each other.

I am going through something very difficult that she apparently cannot understand or tolerate.

...when I try to express how I'm feeling... she puts me down or just shuts me out completely... she just goes cold... she doesn't want to hear it

We haven't had sex in months. We barely even kiss. Hell, we barely even touch each other.

If I had the money I would check into a motel. If I had any friends I would sleep on their sofa.

My mind is so fragile that I am afraid of what might happen to me if I leave... for all our problems, our home is still our home.


Many people think Love = Happiness, when it doesn't. You can love someone whose actions lead to you being miserable, draining you of self confidence and self respect, screwing your view of things till it seems an endlessly tangled mess. Love enhances happiness, but does not equal happiness.

As for your rage that is building. A pyschologist is the proper person to see about that. There could be many reasons : drugs / alcohol, genetics, pyschological, communicative issues, abuse, poor coping mechanisms, financial stresses etc that can lead to a build up 'tension'. A pyschologist is the proper person to attend to that, though as a word of warning, pyschology is as much art as science, and many qualified pyschologists are just plain no good.
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  2  
Reply Sun 28 Feb, 2010 06:31 am
a doctor should never prescribe psychotics on their own. Thats not their specialty.
and if you live in that kind of a relationship, those meds are probably not your answer.

You say you dont like mind games, yet you live in one and help create it by remaining in a passive aggressive , sex is a waepon kind of relationship.

no sex?
dont kiss?
dont touch?

THATs what you call a relationship?

Thats what i call co-dependancy and violence. But you have already described all of that.

I cant say anything else that everyone else has not already said. But I know you wont do it, though the need to echo it is astounding.

Get. Out.

call it quits. This is not what a relationship should be. In any sense of the word. A woman should never challenge her husband ( or boyfriend) and hit him. A man should never feel hate to his girfriend or wife to the point of wanting to hurt her. This is wrong. This is not a good relationship. I dont care how long you have been together, all you are doing is stacking the score board against each other. That is a very.. 'high school' type behavior and has to be exhausting.
You dont need that. She doesnt need that. Dont allow your anger and resentment from past behaviors keep you there by saying that you cant go . You can.
You have income. You can live some where else.

But so long as you keep telling yourself you can not, and you keep seeing all the things that you are angry for and wanting to get revenge for. Keep thinking that you dont want to leave because you still have to talk, fight , fix or what have you... you will stay there.

You will more than likely call this post confrontational too even though it is not.
We can see clearly.......you need to leave. To keep YOURSELF safe.. and her.

Challenging each other, being passive aggressive to be rude to each other ( Im not gonna talk to you, not gonna kiss you not going to acknowledge you..etc) is just making things worse. If you can not sit down like adults an communicate with out getting petty and hateful, this is not a realtionship.

please get out.
Dont make your self less than by playing into more mind games and being even pettier by saying I cant .
You can. You are level headed , you are smart, you know you need to go. No amount of hidden compact anger is enough to keep you there.

If you choose to stay, you are saying you want that. its that simple.

I do wish you luck. i really really really do. Breaking up isnt easy, but being in that situation is ten million times worse
Ragman
 
  2  
Reply Sun 28 Feb, 2010 10:04 am
@echi,
I find your reply that my post as being confrontational ... as interesting. I oberved someone in harm's way and took a direct route with my choice of words. I was direct, you perceived that as confrontational. Personally, I didn't see it that way. Opinions and objectivity will vary, especially when someone is under this highly stressful scenario. The fact is that what I offer for constructive advice has been echoed by others. Somehow, your reaction to what I wrote ruffled your feathers.

The fact that you're choosing to stay in that living situation, putting yourself (or her) in harm's way, is a choice that I (and others) might not make. Many here are advising you to make a different choice, hoping you both will come away from the feeling of security of living with someone for so long.

I thought what I wrote was constructive. Most people prefer others to agree with them and this situation is not much different. Even though most, when asking for advice, shun it, it doesn''t stop people. Perhaps after awhile, some good will come of all this.

I've noticed from the trend of your prior posts, you like to debate and analyze 'hot-button' issues. Perhaps this is more analysis and debate; however, you seem to either keep changing the story or elaborating further and it's been hard to track. Nevertheless, I wish you well and hope no danger comes to either of you.
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sun 28 Feb, 2010 07:56 pm
@Ragman,
Ragman wrote:
Escalation of violence might occur more rapidly than what you EVER think. Why is it that you think you're safe -- or that she is? Have you no grasp of violence and volatility? Read the papers and the media for bad examples. You or she could become a statistic.


Ragman wrote:
I was direct, you perceived that as confrontational. Personally, I didn't see it that way.
Do you see confrontation in what is said, or the way in which something is said?

Ragman wrote:
The fact is that what I offer for constructive advice has been echoed by others.
Do others echo the way you say things?

0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 12:36 pm
It sounds to me like these two like their relationship the way it is. If they didn't, they'd change it. Many people live in dysfunctional relationships, and this is a classic. I don't think they want to be apart or in a functioning relationship. Echi did say something to the effect that whatever they have, at least it's home.

I don't really know, echi, what you're looking for here. You say you want to abuse your girlfriend, then you say you'd never dream of doing it. What specifically do you want help with then? You did come here for help, didn't you?

I have to run out for a bit, but I'd love to know what you're really looking for.
0 Replies
 
msolga
 
  2  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 06:13 pm
Hello, echi.
I've just read this thread right through. I can't add anything to what's already been said.
I just want to offer you my sympathy & wish you the very best of luck. And also to say I think it was pretty brave of you to air your concerns here.
echi
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 08:11 pm
@shewolfnm,
Truly, the only part of your post that found confrontational was the one sentence in which you stated that I "will more than likely find this post confrontational". (It's okay, though... it struck me as kind of funny.)
And you are mistaken in assuming that we are passive aggressive, sexually. In reality, we simply don't want to have sex with each other very often.
I believe you, and others here, are correct that this relationship needs to end, although the thought of that makes me terribly sad. We had a good talk today, and I think we are close to reaching an understanding.
Also, most importantly, my rage has mostly evaporated since our talk.
I appreciate your insight, shewolfnm. Thank you.
0 Replies
 
echi
 
  2  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 08:43 pm
@msolga,
I appreciate that very much, msolga. Of course, I know that I sort of villainized myself from the start with my chosen thread title. I wanted lots of responses because I was desperate for help. Anyway, it was true... I did want to abuse my girlfriend, which is very different from saying that I am going to abuse my girlfriend, or that I think it is okay to abuse my girlfriend. I expected a2k members to be able see the difference, too. (And I think you all have.)
msolga
 
  1  
Reply Mon 1 Mar, 2010 08:48 pm
@echi,
My pleasure, echi. I absolutely meant it.

Quote:
I did want to abuse my girlfriend, which is very different from saying that I am going to abuse my girlfriend, or that I think it is okay to abuse my girlfriend.


I how no trouble understanding your words at all. I understood you were feeling desperate, too. I think most people did.
0 Replies
 
ferretfever007
 
  0  
Reply Sun 24 Feb, 2013 05:55 pm
@echi,
I have had this problem. This condition is called "of mice and men syndrome" When I told my girlfriend the way I felt she was like "Wait.What **** " and she laughed. Its like she never would have guessed I wanted to whoop her. Its just shes that cute yah know? Every time we hung out I would playfully wrestle her. This is how I would cure my fix and we always had fun doing it. When I told her I made this wrestling ritual a medicine she was totally fine with it. So now that I know this works. Dont tell your girlfriend you want to hurt her. Just wrestle her at random lol. No worries dude. There are worse people out there who actually need counseling.. If you haven't broken her nose yet I think youll have a healthy life.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Feb, 2013 06:04 pm
@echi,
echi, I remember you, and probably have a lot to say, and others will too and argue with each other besides.

Meantime, breathe deeply. I know that sounds histrionic, but it can help.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 24 Feb, 2013 06:07 pm
@ossobuco,
Ahh, older thread.

0 Replies
 
 

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