Tue 23 Feb, 2010 07:59 pm
So, we're going to get married at home, privately, then party at a Blues Club we're going to rent for the night. One of his musician friends and his band will be playing. I figure that in the intermission we can have Open Mic, where anybody can get up there and play or talk or whatever. Or not.
The question I'm asking myself is about the theme... I would like it to be more glam and/or fun than serious, so I would like to suggest that people dress up in a different era, or in an otherwise fun way (as someone else, for example). Would you do this if it were suggested? And how would I word it? And do you think it's an imposition?
And then one of my sisters called about a stag and scared me half to death. She started talking about all these party games and I tell you, I am just so not into games. I was cringing at every suggestion -- I don't want games! I said that I wasn't really into games,so she wanted to know what I was going to do. Well, first of all, I don't want a stag and I don't think the bride-to-be plans it herself, does she? What is the ruling on this?? lol
Secondly, some friends and family will be going to all the trouble to come in from out of town, so I don't want to put them out any further - I thought I wouldn't have a stag, but have a girlie party the night before... there will be 20 - 30 women here, and I think we don't need any damn games. We can just eat, drink, chat, laugh, lounge around, and be comfy - everyone from here can get to know everyone from away, making the Blues party better.
The last thing is I don't want any gifts. We are older, we have everything we could possibly need or want, we have no storage, and for my friends who have to arrange to get here and put themselves up somewhere, even though they can afford it, I don't want them to do that. I want to put a special wording on the invitations to MY friends that the only gift that I want is their presence or good wishes. Thing is, Alex does want gifts. So, should I just do my invitations separately?
This isn't urgent - we're not getting married until October, but I have to do the invitations and whatnot and who knows when (or if) I'll be out of town working again and for how long.
So what do you think? So many questions - sorry.
@Mame,
I think you guys need to sort out the gift thing fairly promptly. If you end up doing separate invitations, you're going have to find some way to explain why only one set of friends/family are bringing gifts. That could be extraordinarily awkward.
(I wouldn't want gifts either - unless everyone wanted to chip on a canoe or somethin' - save me from towels and tea cozies)
Perhaps the male guests could dress up as Elvis and the female guests as a 60s babe. Have it all in a 60s theme and go from there.
Yes, the no gift for Mame/yes gift for Alex is a bit awkward. What does Alex
have in mind when he does want gifts? Having a wedding registry somewhere?
@Mame,
Ewww! Separate wedding invitations. Why not spend your honeymoon in NM while he tracks down a moose, or something.
@Mame,
fancy dress and come as you are for the reception
sensible hen's party the night before
allow gifts people want to express their love in every possible way
should i check my inbox for the invite?
This might help you out a bit:
http://weddings.about.com/od/bridesandgrooms/a/SecondWeddings.htm
As for the wording for no gifts on the invitations, if you're a stickler for etiquette, here's what is said in the Emily Post wedding etiquette book:
"The inclusion of 'No Gifts.' Often a second-time bride or groom or an older couple feels that they have everything they need and prefer that their guests not give them a gift. Regardless, the joy and happiness a wedding represents include the giving of gifts to celebrate that happiness, and the printing of 'No Gifts Please' on the invitation is not acceptable. Again, family members and attendants can share this information with guests or can provide the name of a favorite charity to which guests may contribute in lieu of giving a nuptial gift."
@ehBeth,
No one will really know who brought a gift or who didn't because they'll likely not be brought to the Blues club, but to our house. And they might have sent them earlier or whatever.
And the invitations will be e-invitations so they can be sent in batches. Maybe I should just word it as "Gifts not required" instead of "No Gifts".
@CalamityJane,
No, I don't think he'd ever think of a registry and I would totally balk at that. I haven't asked him what he wants or what he's thinking - we've barely seen each other this year. When he gets home I will ask him.
@oolongteasup,
Maybe "Your presence is gift enough for us"?
@Butrflynet,
Well, I don't know what to do about it then. I'm not a stickler, per se, but I just don't want a bunch of gifts from people who are already spending $$$$ getting and staying here. Their presence IS enough for me.
Well, crap! Now what am I supposed to do with your gift?!
I really have no advice, I just wanted to say that the "tag" made me laugh.
It is the job of the brides maid(s), matron of honour or chief attendant organise the hens night. The bride takes no role in this planning and must accept what comes in good spirits. Lets see if you chose your attendants wisely.
To save time and effort you could just strip to your underwear, get drunk and tie yourself to a monument in a prominent location at a time and place of your own choosing.
Invitations to a wedding i will attend later in the year in England specificly requests No gifts. this is for a first wedding but the couple are moving to Aust soon after and dont want to cart all the stuff.
"no gifts" was clearly printed on the invitation.
All the women at that wedding (all female guests are invited) are heading to a spa/health resort for a 1/2 day of "pampering" on the morning of the wedding.
what about , if you are going to do the evite thing, have a separate group of evites for his friends and have them order or send gifts through amazon or something like that BEFORE the wedding? And casually mention that you dont want a 'gift time' at the party because it doesnt fit the theme or something... and if they want to send a gift, please do so before the party some how..
@shewolfnm,
I think the idea of
he wants gifts, she doesn't to be, well, odd. I don't think it would ever fly.
Instead of "no gifts" or "your presence is gift enough", you can do something like "in lieu of gifts, a small contribution to ____ would be most appreciated". And the ___ would be filled in with a charity or two of your choice. That should help to solve the no gifts thing, plus maybe the Shriners or whoever would get something out of it. But be aware that there are people who totally ignore such things and will do whatever. You'll have to grin and bear it although you can always regift (we did. A lot.).
The stag/hen party? You don't plan it; your attendants and friends do. Mine was supposed to be a surprise but I had the date figured out quickly so I dressed appropriately (it was a shower -- talk about your regifting) and was all set. I still have way too many Champagne flutes that we will never, ever use. I'd suggest you at least get a say in the date and then ask what you should be wearing (e. g. dress, jeans, whatever) and the time and then just let them pick you up and take you wherever. Perhaps a tiny bit less fun than a total surprise but you wouldn't be blindsided by wearing a dress if it turned out they were taking you ice skating or whatever.
Oh BTW, I had no idea -- congratulations, Mame!
Definately the "in lieu of a gift, please consider a small donation to xxx charity", as others have said.
Aside - Although donations to charities that are large/popular might be the first choice, I'm personally of the persuation of filling the need of the end user directly.
I'm talking about those organizations where a person can donate money, which will provide a family with a useful source of income, food, etc, via a gift of a goat, pig, chickens, etc.
Goats can be milked, chickens provide eggs, pigs are slaughtered once they grow up.
I'm just sayin'
As far as the surprise parties...oy.
I think that's a lost cause.
Thanks for all your comments.
We went to one of his friend's weddings last year and they said NO GIFTS on the invitation and most of us honoured that. Some people did something anyway, but maybe they were better friends than we were. Or just wanted to get them something. I don't personally think it's rude to say that, but I'd like to say it nicely. We would use the same invitations, Roger, just that I would add that line to mine.
As for the stag, I just want to get together with whomever wants to be there (especially my out-of-town friends). I don't like being the centre of attention, and I don't like games. I know the bride doesn't plan these things but I hope whatever happens it's simple and easy. With no games
If anybody asks me, that's what I'll tell them. If they don't, I'll just invite some friends and family over.
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