Would you pay to attend a wedding?

I belong to a group on FB called That's It, I'm Wedding Shaming.

And I can report that, unfortunately, a lot of people are just as deluded as this sap (sheesh, dude, they paid for Beyonce tix because they know they'll be entertained. The chicken dance is not that entertaining).

There are couples who think it's okay to not feed their guests, or feed them minimally. And a lot of them are more than happy to do this but still get full meals for themselves (and sometimes not even for the bridal party).

Yesterday, I read about a bride who wants a second "hen do", which is Britishspeak for a bachelorette party. A second one.

So many of these rituals and bonding sessions or whatevz are gift grabs and excuses for vacations, particularly if others will be paying or at least chipping in. Many couples have decided it's perfectly all right to essentially dictate how people will spend their money, telling guests and bridal party members that the shower is more important than their kid's third birthday party or that hey, who cares if you're trying to get out of debt we know you've got money so cough it up, ya deadbeats.

RP and I were married in front of ~ 125 people in 1992. I believe the whole thing (possibly without including the honeymoon) clocked in at around $10k and that included having kosher food at the event. Kosher is a good 10 - 25% more expensive. In today's dollars, that's something like $22k, $23k.

Having the wedding on a Monday afternoon (it was Memorial Day weekend) was the main factor in cutting costs. Friday nights and Saturday nights are another 10 - 40%, something like that.

There are other ways to save money, and without making guests feel slighted and unappreciated. Weddings do not have to be a budget buster.

Couples can also save money by only using flowers in season for the bouquets and centerpieces or having the bride carry a bible or other personally important book and having the centerpieces made out of something else (I've seen candy, books, action figures, all sorts of stuff). Other ways to cut costs include if the bride in particular is a standard model-type size, she may be able to get a gently used gown that a shop used as a sample. Or go with something which is a little past its season or hell, just wear a nice white suit. Renting a tux is cheaper than buying a new suit but if the groom owns a good suit then he can get away with just getting a new tie.

Couples can also save money by avoiding all the stupid personalized tchotchkes that vendors love to push them to get. When I worked for a wedding blog, I saw stuff like personalized hangers, cocktail glasses, cocktails, signs, banners, pajamas for the night before, shoes, etc. Truly dumb wastes of cash.

One place to really put money is in the photography, as it will last. But get this: I also read in that same group about a woman who'd gotten a divorce and wanted the photographer to refund her money as she "didn't need the pictures anymore". God bless the photographer, who told this entitled wench where to step off.

Lots of money and high emotions are a potent mix. And there are people who look to impress or make business connections at these events. But those people are in a minority. If the couple in particular aren't trying to make that sort of an impression, they can go a lot cheaper and still have a memorable, beautiful day.

This is not to mention the families where there are screaming fights about who is being invited, who is sitting where, etc.

Going into debt for a wedding is crazy. And charging admission? That's a hard nope from nearly everyone on the planet, or it should be.

No, I wouldn't pay admittance to a wedding. I wouldn't fly across the country to attend a "destination wedding", nor would I care to witness a "gender reveal". Sure, if people can comfortably afford an expensive wedding, that's their choice to make. But making the amount of money spent on a ceremony some sort of symbolic reflection of the value of the couple's love and commitment is repellent to me.

I wonder why?

This is so crazy that the invited guests probably tore up the invitations and will not even respond with a no. He does not deserve it. Not to mention that $450 is crazy expensive. I will need to send this to my friend that is in the process of planning a wedding. Maybe not as now I might get a bill to attend.

When my kids were at school I once got a phonecall from one of the mums inviting us to her daughter's dance recital.

She was the dance teacher so it was her show as much as her daughter's.

Only after I'd reluctantly accepted did she then tell me it would cost me money.

I had to fork out for a buffet I didn't want, and had to sit uncomfortably watching 14 year old girls pracing about in leotards all the while feeling like a sex offender.

After that I'm never going to pay for anything other people invite me to, no matter how awkward it may be.

I am invited to a wedding on Friday and will be helping out, but I've not been asked to pay anything.

So I did a search to see if this is common practice and found one person getting mad at her sister that was requesting all 20 guests to pay $10 each to see her wedding ceremony. It seems she wanted to get married at this canyon, it was a public place but anyone entering there had to pay $10 to go in. So she expected everyone to pay the $10 fee. I think most people get upset at the fact that they request you pay them even if the amount is small.

It is rude to ask people to pay for something that you invite them to. When we were little kids my younger sister was in a dance recital. My mom asked her mother and some other family members if they wanted to go and my mom bought tickets for anyone wanting to attend.

It is different if you say, your kid is in a play or dance recital and they go ask uncle Mike do you want to buy a ticket to my show? and my mom asking her brother would you like to go to cute suzy's show? One is a request to purchase, the other is an invite and you should not expect to pay.

For destination weddings, but the difference is it is an offer to attend the wedding and if it costs you money to travel to where the wedding is located it is expected for you to pay for your travel costs, but not the wedding itself. Any wedding could be a destination to you, if you live far enough away you might need to stay over especially where many families live a distance from one another. My friend's wedding is going to be a destination wedding as they are getting married where some of their lives which is thousands of miles from where they as a couple live. So it will be local for a handful, but a destination for most.

I had to laugh when I read that! Yeah, I would just toss that in the recycling or maybe save it for posterity.

Money was not mentioned until after I'd agreed to go.

It was the mother of one of my kid's friends, not a relative or a friend by any stretch of the imagination.

I was a lot worse than paying to go to a wedding.

At least a wedding I wouldn't be made to feel like a bloody nonce.

Its crazy if you want to put someone through hours long boring kid recital at least have the decency to pay for it.

I remember going to a dance recital my grand daughter was in. I know there were tickets but I doin't remember if there was a charge (there probably was). But the best thing about watching a bunch of 3 and 4 year olds wrestle with the steps, was the absolute unrelently humor. Fortunately we didn't have to eat a semi-prepared awful meal.

I would’ve found this funny if it was an isolated example. However, it’s not isolated at all and that’s just shows how sad it all is. What’s become of some people’s common sense and spirit?

Do you think these couples will also expect a gift?

I have not had this occur so I honestly have no idea and I have gone to a few weddings.

I thought that too and asked my partner. She laughed and said that it’d be likely. Talk about chutzpah!