Hi all...I haven't been here for about 5 years. A lot has changed in the layout so I'm hoping I actually end up posting this instead of sending it into the great internet void (which is where Cav is - as one of you said about 5 years ago (I think it was Bo) "people on the internet don't die - they just go offline for a while").
Mezzzie directed me here this morning, on this day of days, to let me know that his brother has not been forgotten - instead, you all keep him alive here every day, rereading old posts for recipe suggestions, philosophical debate, or because you need a laugh. It warms my heart and soul to know how much he meant to all of you, even though most of you never met him in the flesh. You meant the same to him, and more...
One of you posted the Sonnet that Cav wrote for me when we first started going out. I had that posted at my desk for years, finally taking it down last year because the ink was fading on the card. I didn't want to lose either the ink imprint or the touch of the side of his hand as he wrote across the card. It's now hidden away from the light in a box of those things that were all about Cav and me.
You may be wondering why I never returned here after that first bit of flurry and fury of posting in and around the final days of Cav. I did at first - as a lurker, never a poster - I felt that this was his place, with his friends. Kinda like how, even though you're in a relationship, you have your friends and your partner has their friends, be it online (and especially so with the advancements of social networking over the past five years) or in the flesh. And sometimes you just need to hang out with your own friends without your partner around - it's human nature. So when I would come here, I felt like I was spying on Cav, and I didn't like that feeling. So I went offline too. I hope you understand - it was nothing personal. You all are truly decent people (well your online personas are-if you have parallel bars and cat o'nine tails hanging in your bedrooms, that's your business!
) and I want to thank you for continuing to keep Cav and his memories, his dreams, and his philosophies alive.
Somewhere he and Hunter S. are halting their gonzo chat saying "were we supposed to do something today? There's a buzzing in my ear." They're probably planning on going to Vegas - Hunter S. for the Vegas he knew in the 70s, Cav for the culinary destination that Vegas has become.
Some of you have asked about email addresses. The address of [email protected]
still does exist, though it only receives spam these days. If you want to write to Cav privately (since he can't respond to DMs- I no longer have his password), feel free to send emails there and they'll wait for him. If you want to write to "Cav" to get an answer, or if you'd like to write to me, feel free to do so at mesburian AT rogers DOT com (Edited by Moderator to try to foil spambots)
It seems that a lot of you have questions and theories about Cav that you may just be venting, or you may genuinely want answers for. For the longest time, I couldn't talk about it, but over the years, both his story and our story have ended up being helpful to many people. That has helped to slowly heal me, though it will never fill the void in my life. What I'm saying is that I can talk about this now, if you'd like to email me. I don't think it's fair to his family, his dear friends, me or his memory to post anything about this publicly. There's nothing defamatory to say - it's just not right.
Make sure you make something nice for yourself to eat today in his memory, be it a complex 4-course menu or just a nice sandwich that you like. Just stay away from that Nasty Clown, no matter how cute those Olympic collectables are...lol
Thank you all again for this thread today, especially you msolga, and thank you for remembering my dear, sweet Cavfancier.
Lots of love,