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Tue 5 Jan, 2010 06:44 pm
I would take your place if it was possible. You have taught me so much in life. I feel as if I haven't given anything back to you. You told me you were proud of me, the day I joined the military. It was easily one of the happiest days of my life. I have always done things in life trying to make you proud of me, trying to live up the expectations that you said you never had for me. You never set goals for me because you said that goals would only serve as a leash, and that you wanted me to achieve above and beyond any goals I could ever set for me.
Watching as you go through this, is by far one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. You used to be such a strong man. Now you are just a shell of your former self. A memory that used to be sharp and witty, now dull and slow. I miss the man you used to be and hate watching you slowly become the one you are now. I am scared that as this slowly eats at you that you will forget me, us, everything that our family went through, that made us a strong family.
I fear I have come home only to see to your funeral, only to carry you to your final resting spot, and that saddens me to no end. I feel like I could have been such a better son, such a better friend.
@Seed,
you've got a lot of character, seed.
He's proud of you, and lucky to have you.
Hi, Seed. I've been there, it's hard. Do you have any good conversations any more?
@ossobuco,
It hasn't gotten that far yet. But the spells of saying things that are mean and directed to no one are getting more and more. He is also showing hostility towards the dogs.
@Seed,
Has he been to a doctor? Maybe he's depressed (a catchall answer, I know).
@ossobuco,
He goes to the doctor ever month. He has done it once at the doctor's office and it blew the doctors mind. I keep pushing my mother to try and get the doctor to get some kind of medication or at least say something more then nothing at all about whats going on.
I would say it was depression too, but he says the same things usually, in a hateful tone "that's it, that's it right there. I ******* told you" And it comes out of no where. Today he said "See, I told you. It's your fault." And everytime he has a blank stare in his eyes
@Seed,
Ah. Now I see where you were coming from in your thoughts about death on the "mellow" thread, Seed.
Quote:Watching as you go through this, is by far one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. You used to be such a strong man. Now you are just a shell of your former self. A memory that used to be sharp and witty, now dull and slow. I miss the man you used to be and hate watching you slowly become the one you are now. I am scared that as this slowly eats at you that you will forget me, us, everything that our family went through, that made us a strong family.
I fear I have come home only to see to your funeral, only to carry you to your final resting spot, and that saddens me to no end. I feel like I could have been such a better son, such a better friend.
"Watching as you go through this ...".
Is your father ill, Seed? Could I ask how old he is?
I see (in a later post) that you believe he might be depressed.
@msolga,
He is 72. The doctor says it's dementia.
@Seed,
He might be having small strokes, it can change a person's personality and destroy their ability to judge situations. Beware of the drugs used to treat these symptoms as they can create hallucinations and even thoughts of suicide. Don't beat yourself up, his true self would not have wanted that.
@Seed,
Ah, I see. That puts what you've been saying in a much clearer context, Seed.
I'm sorry for what you and your mother are going through as a result. I know a bit about this from personal experience, as do many others here. It can feel like you're slowly losing a person & don't really know them as you did. Very hard, if you've been very close to them.
@Seed,
Ah, seed.
There is no harder thing to bear.
none.
Unless it is to try and bear it alone.
We are here (yes, pathetically distant) but here.
And sending you and your Dad our best hopes.
Then there was the morning Mom said "Say, I know you are one of my children, but which one?
"I'm Jonathan, Mom, Jonathan."
Joe(
"Hmmm'', she said, thinking it over.)Nation
I know, many of us on A2K know, from experience what you are going through.
Our thoughts are with you.
I just want you guys to know that I didn't write this to get sympathy or anything like that, but just to get some things off my chest.
That being said, i am very thankful to you guys, my friends, on here and the kind words you have said. Much love for all of you.
@Seed,
Quote:I just want you guys to know that I didn't write this to get sympathy or anything like that, but just to get some things off my chest.
Of course you didn't Seed. We know that.
But you don't mind if folk here express a bit of sympathy for your situation, do you?
Because it definitely is not an easy place to be.
@msolga,
I guess I can stomach a little bit of it :-D
Seed - you must call your Dad's Dr. and tell him what's going on. You must think of your mother right now. It is unfair that she has to bear this on a day to day basis. Irritibility can be from the depression and dementia, but this can also get physical. There is no reason why you or your mother have to be verbally abused.
Call in the support system in your community. Most communities have Senior Citizens centers. They have all the resources you will need, or at least the referrals. You are going to need this later on. Get ready for the future. Find out what his nursing home benefits are, too. I just had to place my mother in a nursing home. She is 87. While it was very hard, I knew that there was no way I could take care of her. I see her very often.
Good luck. You are now in the father role for him. Do all actions out of love.
@Seed,
First, allow me to say that your tribute was a beautiful prose poem. Having been a care taker for my husband for over a year, I can understand exactly what you are feeling.
I've been there too, Seed.
For me, the early part was the hardest -- dealing with the mean, angry, frustrated person who wasn't like my dad at all. He was aware enough to know what was happening and what was to come for him. Of course he was angry, how could he not be? He hadn't yet fogotten enough to not be angry.
It took me a really long time to realize that he wasn't angry with me personally and that I shouldn't take it personally.
They say the earlies memories are the last to go so you can look at this as an opportunity to learn about your dad as a young man. What kind of music did he like? Would he respond to its comforts now?
Make sure that you're taking care of your mom. She's going to need it. Find ways to let her be a little selfish without feeling guilty or worried.
Two books that I very highly recommend:
Hard to Forget by Charles Pierce (http://www.amazon.com/Hard-Forget-Alzheimers-Charles-Pierce/dp/0679452915/ref=sr_1_36?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262794185&sr=1-36)
The 36 Hour Day (http://www.amazon.com/36-Hour-Day-Alzheimer-Disease-Dementias/dp/0801885094/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262797354&sr=1-1)
It might be a good idea to keep a journal. You'll learn a lot about yourself on this journey.
Be well.
Seed, I thought of you today when I saw this article in the Metro (local) section of my newspaper. I imagine it will hit the big-time news quickly:
Quote:There is no proven way to prevent Alzheimer's disease, but a new Seattle-area study provides some of the strongest evidence yet that regular exercise can protect the brain -- and even improve cognitive performance -- in older adults showing signs of mental decline.
Researchers at the University of Washington School of Medicine and Veterans Affairs Puget Sound Health Care System tested the effects of aerobic training in a clinical trial with 33 women and men diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment, often a prelude to Alzheimer's disease.
Twenty-three of the volunteers, selected randomly, began an intense program of aerobic exercise, spending 45 to 60 minutes on a treadmill or stationary bike four days a week. The remaining 10, the study's control group, spent the same amount of time performing non-aerobic stretching and balance exercises.
After six months, the aerobic exercisers showed significant gains in mental agility, while the non-aerobic group showed continuing decline in tests of thinking speed, fluency with words and ability to multi-task.
Full article:
http://www.oregonlive.com/health/index.ssf/2010/01/aerobic_training_boosts_aging.html
You might want to start taking long walks with your dad!
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