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Sun 3 Jan, 2010 02:25 pm
Bumper stickers:
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and driving against traffic.
A day without sunshine is like night.
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
No sense in being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go
@Mame,
Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.
Graffiti:
To kick the bucket is beyond the pail.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
Add up the spinal column and get a disc count.
Reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol.
Democracy - three wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for lunch.
A specialist is someone brought in at the last moment to share the blame.
Dumb jocks:
"I knew it was going to be a long season when, on opening day during the national anthem one of my players turns to me and says, "Every time I hear that song, I have a bad game."" Jim Leyland, baseball manager
"I'm the most loyal player money can buy." Don Sutton
@Mame,
Fun reading! Will keep tuning in.
Signs:
at a Florida Maternity Ward: No Children Allowed.
at a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
At a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak.
At a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
At a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same spot.
In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.
On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.
In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
On a Tennessee highway: When this sign is underwater, this road is impassable.
Role Models:
Hundreds of thousands of people who gathered in NY City's Central Park on Earth Day 1990 to "express their support for environmental programs and to display their concern for Mother Earth" left behind more than 154.3 tons of litter which took 50 park employees until 3:00 a.m. to clean up.
Never say Never:
Never ask old people how they are if you have anything else to do that day.
Never get into a battle of the wits without any ammunition.
Never date a man whose belt buckle is bigger than his head.
Never get deeply in debt to someone who cried at the end of Scarface.
Vampire quote:
I'll take a lite - Blood Lite (Vampire in a bar in Nightlight, 1989)
You have all the great thread ideas, Mame!
@hamburgboy,
Hey, it's HBG! Nice to see you, buddy.
@wandeljw,
Gracias, senor... please add to it!
@Mame,
slightly longer ... but here goes :
Quote: Retirement Planning Advice
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00. With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
please adjust numbers as required
Acne treatment circa 350 AD: wipe pimples with a cloth while watching a falling star.
Babies are born without knee caps.
Fill your bathtub 20,000 times... that's how much water falls over Niagara Falls every second.
Ironic Death:
Sensing that his end was near, Nic Marcura set to work digging his own grave. According to news reports, in a sudden cloudburst, water began to fill up the hole. Marcura tried to bail it out with a bucket but slipped in and drowned.
A popular quote circulating the internet:
"Debating creationists on the topic of evolution is rather like trying to play chess with a pigeon; it knocks the pieces over, craps on the board, and flies back to its flock to claim victory."
(The quote came from someone giving an opinion on Amazon.com about a science book.)
@wandeljw,
A MUST ! the fully adjustable bathroom reading table :
pls notice bookstand at back
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