Would you tell on your kid's friends

Oh.. I also feel strongly that talking openly about these issues with your kids, in a way that they feel comfortable talking with fear of punishment, is the most important thing.

The "Stranger Danger" thing makes me twinge as it is clearly based on knee-jerk reaction rather than reason real research. The vast majority of sexual abuse is perpetrated by people the child knows and trusts.

Kids who can talk about things that make them uncomfortable without fear of punishment are far safer then kids who are made to fear random people on the bus.

0 Replies

To me, it seems like there is NO chance
of keeping any person from seeing sexual representations
of a pornografic nature; erotic nature.

In a WORST CASE scenario, what is the worst that can happen ?

What symptoms will result?

Will erotic images reduce the length of his life, as smoking does?

Will it be bad for his liver, as drinking to excess is ?

Talking about "confusion" is too vague to be helpful.
He can be "confused" about the correct use of algebra,
but that will not be bad for his health.

If anyone can explain this, I 'll be grateful.

1 Reply

@ebrown p,

Quote:

I am skeptical that porn is traumatizing for kids who are seeking it out.

That CAN make a positive difference....or a negative one...it depends.

For example, if a kid goes looking on the net, they can come across stuff they never dreamed of when they went looking, because, generally speaking, kids don't know what's out there.

If they sought it out, it can be even more difficult to talk about it with someone who can help them, because of guilt.

1 Reply

@DrewDad,

DrewDad wrote:

OmSigDAVID wrote:
By that reasoning,
its OK to play Russian Roulette, because the odds are 5:1
that u will not blast your brains out. Its only "might" that u will shoot a hole thru your head.

I don 't think so.

By that reasoning, one should never drive,
because there's always a non-zero chance of getting into an accident.

OK, so from this we learn that unreasonably hazzardous conditions shoud not be created.

In this case the danger is of 2 boys getting beaten
to an uknown & unpredictable extent,
whereas, in the alternative, DOING NOTHING will avoid that danger.

It is an easy answer.

Nothing good comes from telling the parents.
In later years, when the kids are no longer in danger,
if thay elect to tell their parents, then thay can tell them, in greater SAFETY. That 's what counts.

0 Replies

@OmSigDAVID,

I can just speak for myself david, but what I saw when I was a kid first frightened the hell out of me.
I didn't know the word then, but it was so degrading.

I thought how people could make these ladies do anything they wanted, whether they wanted to or not.

I was afraid somone would make me do that, and I didn't have anyone to tell me that someone wouldn't.

I didn't see any pleasure or affection.
I saw possessing/owning another person, like a dog.....and not a dog that was a beloved pet, but one you could kick around if you wanted to.

2 Replies

@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

DrewDad wrote:

If ...

the "if" to a lot of this, is what caused me to refer to boomer as having been Mrs. Cleavered.

It reads like Mo's got a better sense of this than she does - he knew what was done was wrong,
and that an adult needed to be told.

From Boomer 's description, we know that he was curious about fellatio, so he asked.

0 Replies

@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

I can just speak for myself david, but what I saw when I was a kid first frightened the hell out of me.
I didn't know the word then, but it was so degrading.

I thought how people could make these ladies do anything they wanted, whether they wanted to or not.

I was afraid somone would make me do that, and I didn't have anyone to tell me that someone wouldn't.

I didn't see any pleasure or affection.
I saw possessing/owning another person, like a dog.....and not a dog that was a beloved pet,
but one you could kick around if you wanted to.

Until u just posted that now, I never thought of porn that way -- inspiring fear. (Maybe u saw S & M ?)
As a boy, I attended and paid for movies about Dracula, Frankenstein, etc -- horror movies -- or even
one episode, I remember from Al Hitchcock, very,
very creepy about a homicidal maniac that produced fear.

Worst of ALL was my decades old abiding dread from the 1940s of communist conquest,
which woud result in the slavery that u described hereinabove.

It never occurred to me to associate sexuality with fear.

0 Replies

@dlowan,

Quote:

That CAN make a positive difference....or a negative one...it depends.

I would love to see real research on this topic.

My guess, based on the personal experience of having been a pre-teen boy, is that the number of boys who leave preadolescence without being exposed to explicit material is pretty low.

There is obviously the need for limits and loving parents and all of that (which to me was more important than what I went over to my friends house to see on the only VCR in town while his parents thought we were sleeping).

I really find it hard to believe that this is damaging for any but a very small number of kids.

Again... I would be eager to see real objective research on this topic.

1 Reply

@chai2,

Chai,

That sounds like a scary experience. I am wondering what you saw? It also sounds like this wasn't something you sought out.

The explicit stuff I was "exposed" to was pretty explicit, but it involved goofy characters with weird plots. The women and men were both eager to get down to business-- but the domination stuff I don't remember.

Your experience was quite a bit different from mine. I imagine there are lots of variables here.

Most of the pornography I remember was not degrading.

1 Reply

@ebrown p,

ebrown p wrote:

I would love to see real research on this topic.

It's obvious that exposure to pornography CAN result in psychological trauma, and warped sexual development. Dlowan's seen it. My wife has seen it.

It does not necessarily result in those things, I agree.

But just because you've never seen it doesn't mean it doesn't exist, and you're a fool if you continue believing that exposure to porn is always harmless.

2 Replies

Mo's friends did indeed apologize to me today.

It was the strangest thing to watch --

Mo approached them after school. I was standing across the way. Mo was so emphatic! He gestured and fumed. They looked mortified. Finally, staring at their shoes, they shambled over and told me they were sorry.

I gave them a little talking to. I think they'll think twice before doing such a thing at my house ever again. (Hopefully, they won't do this at any other house ever again.) The next time they're here I'll be talking to them a bit more about our house rules.

I probably will tell the parents when I think it can flow naturally from circumstance. Maybe I'll tell their dad.

I think women have a different reaction to porn than men do.

This whole ordeal has been very draining.

3 Replies

@DrewDad,

Quote:

It's obvious that exposure to pornography CAN result in psychological trauma, and warped sexual development. Dlowan's seen it. My wife has seen it.

Meep.

((I wonder when this is going to get old))

1 Reply

@boomerang,

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Boomer))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

0 Replies

@ebrown p,

How childish.

You are either appallingly ignorant, appallingly arrogant, appallingly naive, or some combination of the three.

You have apparently never heard a story of big brother finding dad's porn, then trying out some of what he saw on baby sister.

I have. And variations on that theme.

Now please shut your little mouth and let the adults talk.

2 Replies

@DrewDad,

Yes, it can....but I don't think we're talking about that level of thing here!!!

And, I think that it is not just the porn, but other factors in the kid's life that lead to such adverse outcomes!

1 Reply

@DrewDad,

Quote:

You are either appallingly ignorant, appallingly arrogant, appallingly naive, or some combination of the three.

You have apparently never heard a story of big brother finding dad's porn, then trying out some of what he saw on baby sister.

Fear-mongering with anecdotes and not a spec of research? Direct name-calling of anyone who challenges prejudice?

I have heard the same types of argument used against interracial marriages and homosexual rights? How is your argument any different?

1 Reply

@dlowan,

I don't think we're talking that level of thing here, either.

But ebrown seemingly wants to dismiss altogether the very idea that there are negative effects.

I find that incredibly offensive and invalidating considering my wife's experience, and what I suspect of your experience.

2 Replies

@ebrown p,

How do you get from discussing the effects of pornography on children to homosexuality and interracial marriage?

One is child abuse, and the others are sexual behaviors and political rights of adults.

Do you even think before you spout your ignorance?

Nevermind. I suppose the question answers itself.

3 Replies

@DrewDad,

This thread started out with a kid who saw porn (not entirely inadvertently).

How is this about child abuse? Who was the abuser?

This is about prudishness-- how disapproval of something has turned into fear-mongering out of all proportion-- where you are bringing up the scariest scenarios (however unlikely) to scare people into agreeing with you and disparage people who don't.

1 Reply

@ebrown p,

ebrown p wrote:

Chai,

That sounds like a scary experience. I am wondering what you saw? It also sounds like this wasn't something you sought out.

The explicit stuff I was "exposed" to was pretty explicit, but it involved goofy characters with weird plots. The women and men were both eager to get down to business-- but the domination stuff I don't remember.

Your experience was quite a bit different from mine. I imagine there are lots of variables here.

Most of the pornography I remember was not degrading.

I must agree with that. It was only by bad luck
that the material that Chai saw indicated loss of freedom for the girls.

AS A LIBERTARIAN, I SUPPORT FREEDOM FOR GIRLS
IN PORN OR OUT.

What porn has to do with is mating; gratifying the urge to merge (mate).

I remain skeptical that this, alone by itself, will cause any harm to chidren.

If it does, then I ' m very interested to know the exact symptoms that result from children seeing porn.

0 Replies

Would you tell on your kid's friends

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know