Would you tell on your kid's friends

@DrewDad,

Quote:

You're right; this is definitely an issue that goes beyond just the exposure to porn.

And what is that? (Other than the fact that parents don't have absolute control over the minds of their adolescent children... and that we somehow turn out alright anway)?

1 Reply

@ebrown p,

ebrown p wrote:

Quote:
You're right; this is definitely an issue that goes beyond just the exposure to porn.

And what is that?

If you can't see it, I don't suppose I can help you. Why don't you give us your expert opinion?

ebrown p wrote:

(Other than the fact that parents don't have absolute control over the minds of their adolescent children... and that we somehow turn out alright anway)?

Are you capable of interacting with people without going all strawman, hypocritical, and appealing to extremes? You're really undermining your credibility, here.

Anyone who is more protective of their kids than you is seeking "absolute control"?

Christ, you're a putz.

1 Reply

@DrewDad,

Quote:

Are you capable of interacting with people without going all strawman, hypocritical, and appealing to extremes? You're really undermining your credibility, here.

Anyone who is more protective of their kids than you is seeking "absolute control"?

Christ, you're a putz.

LOL

0 Replies

Wow. This is getting a little crazy.

I really see both of your points. Porn can be harmfull, really harmful. One kid has been in trouble for this before.

But we are talking about three boys (ages 8-10) who looked up two porn sites, didn't go beyond the front page, and spent a total of no more than 15 minutes on both sites combinded.

Not that they didn't do wrong. But really, if it were any bigger than that Mo would have gotten into real trouble. I don't think this calls for a severe punishment.

And David has a point too. What if I saw this kid a few days later and he had a black eye (note: I've never seen a bruise on him but he has told Mo that "my dad/mom whipped the tar out of me")? I would know that it was my having told that led to such physical punishment.

And while I don't think you can tell other people how to discipline their own children, knowing that I had played a part in such abuse is something that I would have to live with.

I don't want that on my head.

5 Replies

@boomerang,

Um...

Who here has suggested a "severe punishment"?

Personally, I think you handled it well.

I also think that the other parents have a right to know what happened.

1 Reply

@DrewDad,

I suppose I suggested severe punishment by asking if you would tell on your kid's friends if you thought the kid would get hit.

I consider hitting severe punishment.

2 Replies

@boomerang,

If you're unwilling to advise this child's parents of transgressions, then I would suggest not having him to your house anymore.

It's not your fault, it's not his fault, but it is the truth of the situation from where I'm sitting.

1 Reply

@DrewDad,

Yes, but you're a bit far out here, waaay out there, DrewDad.

I don't believe that other parents have a RIGHT to know what's going on in
my house, even if the kids do something that I don't approve of and talk to
them about it. You can hope that other parents don't harm your child, but
you have no rights whatsoever in other peoples houses.

1 Reply

@boomerang,

Quote:

But we are talking about three boys (ages 8-10) who looked up two porn sites, didn't go beyond the front page, and spent a total of no more than 15 minutes on both sites combinded.

Ay... 8-10 is a little younger than I was imagining. For 12 - 14 year olds (as I was thinking) I would stick with my original position.

Still... I wouldn't make that big a big deal out of it.

They weren't using drugs. They weren't doing anything particularly abnormal (for boys a couple of years older at least). And there is no real danger in this case that they will be permanently scarred from this experience. You handled it fine (of course you should talk to your kids about the danger of strangers online).

I would clamp down on computer use-- either through software, or by insisting that all computer use is supervised. Any further punishment would, in my opinion, be excessive.

I don't really feel strongly about telling the other parents or not... I certainly don't think it is necessary-- and the fact that there may be physical punishment involved would certainly push me to the no side.

But my main point is-- given that you talked about it responsibly, and that you have ways of keeping it from happening again (at least in your home)-- this really is not a big deal.

0 Replies

@boomerang,

boomerang wrote:

I really see both of your points. Porn can be harmfull, really harmful. One kid has been in trouble for this before.

See, this is why I think you may be tripping over something a little deeper than boys being boys. Still nothing to hang a hat on - just a gut feeling that could be completely cyber-whacked.

Which kid? The one who might get spanked or the other one? And, if you wouldn't tell the boy who might get spanked parents because he might get spanked, do you feel you should tell the other one's parents?

I dunno... it's messy for sure.

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@JPB,

They're brothers, JPB. Chances are they'd both get spaked/hit/whatever.

However, it's the youngest one that seems to be the instigator. He's the one who got in trouble for it before.

Although I know these boys very well and know their parents pretty well, I don't know the situation at home. I do know that the boys are allowed to play video games that I won't allow Mo to play (much to his frustration) which is one of the reasons I prefer they spend time at our house.

1 Reply

Reading with no comment, as I dunno. Am seeing each posters point of view.

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@boomerang,

I know that feeling (wanting them close by). I posted about it on soz's thread that she mentioned. Young girl - lots of out of bounds behaviors, lots of yelling, screaming, and physical stuff in the household. They moved out of the area so I don't know what came of her. M was always more comfortable here as well. Go with your gut.

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@JPB,

Quote:

See, this is why I think you may be tripping over something a little deeper than boys being boys. Still nothing to hang a hat on - just a gut feeling that could be completely cyber-whacked.

This comment gave me pause. Precociousness can be a sign that someone is a victim of sexual abuse... a possibility that would not make more more likely to tell the parents. I don't believe that this behavior in itself is harmful (especially if this is a manifestation of natural curiosity)-- but it could be a symptom of something that is truly harmful.

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Really harmful? Is that so? Why is it that in other parts of the world, Playboy
and other magazines that promote nudity are everywhere displayed. Kids see
it all the time and don't even care about it.

Some boys are precocious at 8, others are at 12, it doesn't mean they're sexually
abused.

2 Replies

@CalamityJane,

Quote:

Some boys are precocious at 8, others are at 12, it doesn't mean they're sexually
abused.

I didn't say it means they're sexually abused. I said that it can be a symptom of sexual abuse. There is a big difference. I am just raising the possibility (which sadly does happen).

And yes, sexual abuse is really harmful.

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@CalamityJane,

CalamityJane wrote:

Yes, but you're a bit far out here, waaay out there, DrewDad.

I don't believe that other parents have a RIGHT to know what's going on in
my house, even if the kids do something that I don't approve of and talk to
them about it. You can hope that other parents don't harm your child, but
you have no rights whatsoever in other peoples houses.

Did I say that there was a "RIGHT"? No.

Everyone, please stop trying to put words in my mouth.

Personally, I think Boomerang has an obligation to advise the other parent of something potentially harmful that happened.

Just as she would have an obligation if they were exposed to Mercury, or huffed paint, or were exposed to some other environmental hazard.

1 Reply

@CalamityJane,

There's a difference between nudity and pornography, though.

Do they also openly display images of oral sex? (Which is what these kids actually saw.)

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@DrewDad,

DrewDad wrote:

CalamityJane wrote:
Yes, but you're a bit far out here, waaay out there, DrewDad.

I don't believe that other parents have a RIGHT to know what's going on in
my house, even if the kids do something that I don't approve of and talk to
them about it. You can hope that other parents don't harm your child, but
you have no rights whatsoever in other peoples houses.

Did I say that there was a "RIGHT"? No.

Everyone, please stop trying to put words in my mouth.

Personally, I think Boomerang has an obligation to advise
the other parent of something potentially harmful that happened.

From where did that "obligation" arise ??
HOW is it enforced ???

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

OmSigDAVID wrote:

From where did that "obligation" arise ??
HOW is it enforced ???

The obligation arose when she undertook the protection of the boys by having them in her house.

That the obligation is enforceable only through Boomerangs conscience does not lessen the obligation.

1 Reply

Would you tell on your kid's friends

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