my wife left me for another man after she lost over 100lbs

Hello parker,

well you can't! If your wife wants to leave you then she will. The only thing
you can do is wait for her to see if she realizes that her family should be more
important than a bar fling, or you get legal counsel and file for a divorce.

You cannot force people to do what you want them to do!

Calamity is correct. I have no doubt but that yours is the rational world, that your reality makes perfect sense and is sensible. But man/woman does not live by bread alone as they say, the heart wants what it wants, and your wife does not want your sensible world right now. You have lost her, and if you want her back you are going to have to go and get her. By that I do not mean capture her and tie her to your house, I mean capture her heart.

You have been with her a long time, do you know what makes her tick? Do you know what will work with her? If the answer is no then let this be a lesson to pay more attention to your next wife.

Hawkeye10 why in the world would a sane man desire such a woman back?

He indeed need to paid attention to the next woman in his life to made such that she is worth the investment of love and caring not to keep a loser as a partner.

The only bad spot is that he had a family with this woman.

focus on your children

I don't know if I necessarily agree with BillRM. I think maybe the guy should look at himself. Research has shown that fat people stay with their partners for longer, partly because they are scared they won't find another easily because of their weight. Maybe this lady shed those kilos and got her confidence back enough to take a long hard look at her life. Maybe she got bored with being such a fine "stay at home wife"! Also high school sweetheart type relationships are all very well and cute, but they can hit a dangerous patch around age 30 or so, as 20 fades into the past and 40 begins to approach and people realise their youth is nearly all gone and all they have to show for it is baking cakes for a chubby chaser....

Staying at home and being a housewife or having an affair is not her only choices in life.

Let me see we had a woman who for whatever her husband short comings may or may not be is supporting her and her children and honoring his married vows.

So she decided it would be a great idea to break up her home and family to have an affair with a bar bum to prove to herself that she have sex appeal after losing a 100 pounds?

Such a woman on it face is not worth a great deal and that lack of worth have nothing to do with the force gravity place on her feet.

Bullshit, massive weight loss changes people. The marriage must adapt or else die. Nobody was preventing the husband from meeting her current needs, he just did not do it.

Love is not an endeavor of the sane, so your question is moot.

I gotta agree with this, it does, because the way you live changes (e. g. you watch your food, you work out, and you tend to pull yourself out of funks faster), the way people look at you changes, the way you see yourself changes, etc.

There are definitely identity issues that go on, you can be used to seeing yourself as a fat person and then suddenly you aren't, and it is a radically new perspective that can at times be jarring.

My husband does not worry about me going to work or anything, it's not like I'm going to run off with some editor, but I have noticed, more than once, that I'm being checked out in ways that I wasn't checked out before. If my feelings were different or if I was open to it, there would be something to pursue. But there's nothing I want to pursue, and it's not just because of which guys are checking me out, it's because I love and want to be with my husband and not with anyone else.

Isn't RP an happy guy?

I certainly hope so!

Bullshit, massive weight loss changes people. The marriage must adapt or else die. Nobody was preventing the husband from meeting her current needs, he just did not do it.
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Bullshit right back to you as in the over 20 years I had known my wife she had lost and gain large amounts of weight and even have her stomach size reduce under the knife.

Somehow our relationship had remain stable and she to this day tell me the only man she wish to appear desirable to is your truly.

But then she is a worthwhile lady.

No, she is a different person. She still loves you, and I still love my husband, but your wife and I are different people. It is inevitable; your life changes.

I disagree because I am there and I am in the same position -- and I also have to say I'm unsure of what you mean. Are you saying she has gained and lost a lot in her life? If so, lots of women have. But if you are saying she has lost, say, 75 lbs., in one shot of weight loss (for however long that has taken), then she and I are in similar places. You do not -- shouldn't -- lose your love. But if anything is wavering, if anything is doubtful, then you suddenly have options when you are thinner, options you did not have before.

It is up the individual to act or not act on such options, but to deny that they are out there when they weren't before is, well, it is to deny reality.

Hi its Bob the one that lost his wife I like your response and i would like your advise. My wife Layla wrote me a note and said she said she deeply loves me and cares about me but we need our space. and no matter what the out come maybe we can be at a better attitude in the futer. being with him or me she still wants to get along. Should i be hopfull and sit back and wait for this to pass?

Yes she has been bigger all her life and has lost 100lbs in 8 -9 months. Will she ever be the same person I married? I hope she gets over this new her ,,,fast.

being with him or me she still wants to get along. Should i be hopfull and sit back and wait for this to pass?
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For myself I would point out that she took vows and was a partner with you in bringing children into this world and nowhere did you sign up to be a man in waiting for some bar bum she got involved with.

You are the one who need both a backbone and some self-respect both for your own welfare and your children welfare.

I would take the first step and file for divorce myself and at that time if she have second thoughts then you can consider taking her back or not.

If your sex was female and your partner was trying to run this game on you the ladies here would tell you not to allow it and they would be right and the same thing apply to this reverse role.

One thing that turn off both sexes is a partner with no backbone or self-respect and that sadly seem to be the position you are now in.

Side note you do need to be somewhat civil to her because of the children but waiting around to see if she get tired of her new sex partner come on now!

No, she is a different person. She still loves you, and I still love my husband, but your wife and I are different people. It is inevitable; your life changes.
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Life change but if you are a together person changes in weight are not the all-important factor in who you are.

Your personality or your intellect is not control by how many pounds you are carrying around at any moment in time nor is your honor.

Second both my wife and I had loss and gain weights in large amounts over the years and the main concern is health not how many others we can or can not pick up in a bar.

I remember laughing to myself when I ran into a woman I had been rejected by during a period where my body had change from an overweight man to a very fit man indeed and how she then was all interested in having the relationship she had rejected beforehand with me.

Sorry but I just said a short thank you to myself that I then knew how shallow she was that the pounds was a major issue to her and therefore could reject her in turn for that reason.

Oh in my life I had dated women who could turn every male head in a room and women who could turn none, as life and resources are too short to pick partners because of looks.

This sounds very promising. Remember, she has not only changed her look, but has changed the way she relates to the world, and how the world relates to her.

I would bet that she is going through a rough time right now. She needs to fit into her new persona, which is quite confusing to her, and needs to discover who she is now.

If I were you, I would step back and give her some space. It is useless to be judgmental. It is quite possible that she will return to you, but she will never be the same. If you love her, IMO, it would be wise for you to wait a bit and see what develops.

I can remember the changes that I went through in my middle 20s whenI lost a lot of weight, and became a platinum blonde. It was not an easy transition, and it took me quite a while to come down to earth!

Let me speak from a stand point of losing weight and losing a marriage.

The marriage had issues BEFORE i lost a single pound.
Losing those pounds removed my ability to hide my discomfort.
You ARE a different person after you lose that weight.

My loss was not as significant as others, but it was enough to produce a new person.
And now, happily, I end my marriage.