my wife left me for another man after she lost over 100lbs

all marriages have issues, what losing a lot of weight does is increase your alternative options, as well as make you aware of options.

This, and change you, thus making it necessary for the marriage to change, thus making it necessary for your mate to change, which often does not go over so well with the mate.

I'm wondering for how long the relationship had been dying, and whether any effort was, in the last few years, put into it to make it grow...

Many married couples enter the same state...comfortable...no need for effort...no need to create spark...forgetting that variety is the spice of life...no need for surprises...no need for romance...plenty of need for domestic duties...look after the kids...cook the meals...clean the house...nag the husband to do something...feel tired all the time...get depressed...wonder what there is in life...be too scared no one will find you attractive anymore...lose weight...........

I love the double standands here when it come to men and women breaking thier vows and cheating.

Oh it a woman cheat it is clearly because the marriage had been slowly dying for years and it is the man fault for not being aware of the problems however if a man cheat he is just a horny dog with no concern for his wife and children.

Shame on you people...................

Hello Bill,

Where did I make comment on a man cheating, and what I would think of him? Your complaint is pure assumption on your part as to what I think of it.

As for either a man or woman cheating - my experience is that (for those that a generally loyal), the marriage vows are broken by both long before an affair ever occurs. People do seem to have a fixation on the loyalty vow to the exclusion of all the other vowsm like it's the only thing in life that matters. A fearful way to look at it...understandable from a human perspective, but also lacking in empathy or a desire to comprehend.

Why not hear from the OP how much of that guess was correct? I'd be interested to know.

A thought about your point of double standards - men and women contribute different things to a relationship, based mostly on different physiology and mental processes. So in relation to some things treating men and women as equal is a nonsense (ie. In some things you could accuse people of a double standard...if you didn't comprehend that men and women contribute different things to a relationship)

As for my comment of a marriage slowly dying (and who's responsible) - do you honestly think only a man is solely responsible for it's growth or death ? (obviously not)...That's so obviously nosensical that it shouldn't need to be specifically stated to you...but you do make the presumption that's what's being said.

Bingo. Nicely stated.

Come on Vikorr do not try to tell me that there is not a general tend to find reasons/excuses why the poor woman was slowly driven to break her vows and no such excused when it come to the male partner breaking his vows.

The poor woman was slowly dying in her relationship and being a stay at home housewife, so of course she lost the weight and pick up another man at a bar what choice did the poor lady have with a husband that could not see her unhappyiness even if she did not share her problems with her husband. He should had somehow be aware of her unhappyiness and it was somehow his responsible to solve her emotional problems.

No she could not have talk to her husband and deal with the problems together she was force force to cheat of her emotionaly blind husband.......BULLSHIT

as of a few days ago the husband showed no interest in working towards a center, he demanded that his wife adopt his point of view. What was the wife supposed to do with that in your opinion? Do as she was told? Suffer in silence?

And where did you draw that conclusion from his postings?

Second it would seem she is now trying to sell him the idea that he should go ahead with supporting her as she enjoy her affair with the bar bum.

Yes I know you would see nothing wrong with him so doing but in my opinion he would be a complete fool to do so.

Hmmm...I would have said the general trend was to call the woman a slut, and to just shrug at the guy who does so.

I would also say that everyone seeks happiness in their life.

No one is ever forced to cheat...everyone makes the choice. Usually the choice is made long before the actual sex act occurrs, but many don't see it coming (pun wasn't intended)

Many people, both men and women, are blind to their partners emotional needs. Women contribute by not being direct to men, who really don't comprehend their hints very well (I'm pretty much in this boat too)

I do personally think that men more often than not need to be the initiators of romance, and I think silly any guy who thinks the things he does (or doesnt do) doesn’t affect a womans emotional ability to have become excited, to be challenged, to have sex, to feel alive.

I think people forget that, and I it’s a lot of work, and most people (men and women both) settle into a ‘comfortable routine’...meaning they believe they don’t have to make the effort any more...and I do think that any relationship that’s not growing, is dying (not matter how slowly)...and growth takes thought, work, and time.

Some people have good reasons for having affairs, some don't, some are understandable, some are't, some people have affairs without a care for their partner, others have affairs and feel guilty...there's a wide range of reasons people have them...and people who have been cheated on need to understand this as well, instead of just writing it off as 'she's a slut' or 'it's all his fault' or anything that means they don't also look at themselves to see if they they played a part...and if they did, to see the humanity that lead to it.

Men on the whole tend to be blindsided in relationships far more then women and men are far more likely to be shock when serve with divorce papers then women.

My current and hopefully last relationship in this lifetime is of 20 plus years standing even if we only sign the paperwork three years ago and I had been blindsided by my partner a few times over that period of time.

I keep telling her that hints and other low level approaches is unlikely to break my threshold and get my attention and if she is unhappy over a matter she need to hit me with a two by four over my head.

Sometimes my head hurt a lot as a result however I prefer a constant state of headaches to running the risk of waking up one morning to find a process server at my door.

Now this lady we are dealing with was likely unhappy with her married for some time, enough time to loss a hundred pounds and place herself back on the market.

Yet her husband did not have clue to this and that is where I have the largest part of the problem with her.

The one who is unhappy in a relationship with vows also is the one with the duty to get the idea that she in not happy and changes need to be made in the marriage to her partner and she on it face did not do so.

Welll, I think it's a stretch to say that she lost the 100 pounds for the purpose of putting herself back on the market. It's possible of course, but it doesn't necessarily follow. I know many women who have lost a lot of weight who did it just because they wanted to/ needed to, and stayed with their spouse after the weight was gone.

All of that said, the weight-loss is kinda immaterial to the basic skunkiness of leaving one's spouse for another man.

All of that said, the weight-loss is kinda immaterial to the basic skunkiness of leaving one's spouse for another man.
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Not only that but from his statements she is now hinting that she wish to keep both relationships going!

Bill, I agree with most of what you've said. I've seen it before.



This part though, is a good idea, but one sided. As you've pointed out, the girl probably dropped hint after hint after hint, and the husband didn't get it - if the couple don't talk about how guys don't get hints very well (and that is both their faults), then some women think they are telling the husband how unhappy they are. I have a female friend who was doing the exact same thing, and actually believed her husband should understand (said she was considering divorcing him). I had to set her straight that she needed to actually come out and say it (and even explain exactly why - she didn't comprehend that guys are just really thick when it comes to getting womens hints)...a week later she tells me it was the best advice I ever gave her - says he said he had no idea she was unhappy (or why). As a generalisation, we just communicate in different ways.

You loved her for her, fat or thin. You have seen her through all the hard times the birth of your 3 boys good and bad. She missed out on a big part of her youth and now that the boys are bigger and she's not needed as much, she's done something for herself but the new "friends" of hers aren't going to last same with the new man, everythere is anything i learned about meeting people in bars is that they expect a party girl all the time, getting a mom in the package is not something they are looking for. I mean you need to think about if you really miss her or the things you've shared together that by her leaving it means that the last 18 years means nothing.