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Fri 14 Aug, 2009 11:04 pm
I'm at my wit's end.
My wife has been diagnosed as suffering from extreme bi-polar disorder, exacerbated by a club foot.
I've caught her on numerous occasions eating the flesh of dead bodies, and I see the hunger in her eyes when she looks at my brother.
She almost never wants to have relations, but when she does, she insists on calling me Grigory and makes me dress up like a horse.
We have three children, and she's disturbing me with her nicknames for them:
"Lamb Chop," "Muffin," and "Fillet."
Please don't tell me to leave her, or seek counseling, or talk to her doctor, or insist she take meds, or call the police or kick her out of the house, or employ Cossacks to assassinate her.
I love her so much, even though she has taken on the entire Pittsburgh Steelers team and Geraldo Riviera.
I don't know what to do - please help!
Just so we're clear: Don't tell me to leave her, or seek counseling, or talk to her doctor, or insist she take meds, or call the police or kick her out of the house, or employ Cossacks to assassinate her. That sort of advice is not helpful.
@Finn dAbuzz,
Then possibly you should seek counseling for yourself. Meanwhile, keep her well fed, with enough protien to curb some of the more extravagent cravings, if you get my drift.
@roger,
Thank you roger.
I know I should, but everytime I try to schedule an appointment she finds out and flogs me with a knout.
I love her so much, but I bruise very easily.
A couple of months ago I made some headway by convincing her to join Jennie Craig, but then we stumbled upon that dead bum in an alley and it was back to my former hell.
Please help!
PS: Don't advise me to seek counselling any more either.
@Finn dAbuzz,
Hmmm. Yeah, I see what you mean. Have you tried yoga? Not for yourself, of course.
@roger,
Yes I did, she ate the Yogi with a piquant Massala sauce.
@Finn dAbuzz,
Working on it, but my first impression is that you seem to have issues with coping. Not that uncommon, but there it is.
@Finn dAbuzz,
be careful she does not attempt to lock you in the bathroom and assume command.
(or are you already deposed?)
@roger,
I have no problem coping with her delusions about being Catherine The Great. The infrequent episodes with Grigory the Stallion can be quite fun, but how can I possibly cope with her mood swings and her taste for human flesh?
I'm getting the impression that you're not taking my problem seriously.
Please help!!!
@Rockhead,
I've never been the Tsar. She's always been the Tsarina and I love her so. She calls me Grigory, not Peter!
Please help me!
(But don't tell me to leave her etc etc etc)
See, that's why I hardly ever even read the personal advice threads on this forum. Only reason I even looked at this one is because it's from you, Finn, and if I can ever help an old Abuzzard, why, I think it is incumbent upon me to do so.
Reason I don't look at these threads generally is because usually the solution to the problem is so simple I don't see why the poster can't see it. Just get yourself a gun, Finn, shoot the woman and the three kids and make sure you've saved one bullet for yourself.
We'll all rest easier if you could just do that.
@Merry Andrew,
So you want me to kill my wife, my kids, and myself?
That's not very helpful, and it's pretty damned cold.
You're not one of those right wing bastards who have no heart, are you?
Shooting her is worth a thought though.
@Finn dAbuzz,
Quote:Shooting her is worth a thought though.
I knew you'd see the sense in that, tax-and-spend liberal that you are.
@Finn dAbuzz,
her taste for human flesh?
-----------------------------------
There is one common sex act that I would not do with her if I was you or you could get the nickname of short .........and the pills sold on late night TV would not be of great help either.
I suggest you buy her a nice lamp. Chicks dig lamps.
@Finn dAbuzz,
Not sure if this will help but based on some of the symptoms, you might find useful information here
How to survive a zombie attack
Or you might want to buy the complete manual
@Finn dAbuzz,
Welcome to the boards Grigory.
When that happened to me, my husband bought me a bunny.
If you really loved her as you say, you'd stop all this nonsense about counselling and buy her the damn bunny.
Don't be so callous. Try putting yourself in her position for once.
@Finn dAbuzz,
Quote:I love her so much, even though she has taken on the entire Pittsburgh Steelers team and Geraldo Riviera.
It sounds like she may have multiple personality disorder if she is channeling the Steelers and Riviera. Maybe you should remind her training camp is going on...
or get her a locked safe she can obsess over.
I understand Vick is available, how does she feel about dog meat?
A club foot?
Really?
Wow.
I think you just need to sit down with her and have a real heart to heart. Tell her how sorry you are and that you know it's all your fault, that you know if you'd just behave that she wouldn't have to do those things, that you know she loves you and she hates it when you make her act like that, let her know that you understand that you were being selfish by wanting her to change.
Be sure that she knows how really really sorry you are and promise that you won't let it happen again.
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