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My husband is abusive to me in every way (2), now my daughter is born and I don't want him near her

 
 
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 08:10 pm
@ossobuco,
think I'll add that I posted you should talk to a lawyer before declaring the father on the birth certificate. I hope you talk with one now.
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The husband is presume to be the father of any children born during the married or so many months after it ended and have every right to have his name on the birth certificate and as far as this non-lawyer is aware she have zero right to block him from so doing without a court order.

I do know that no other man then the husband can be place on such a certificate without a court order. She is not claiming he is not the father in any case but wish somehow to stop him from having rights he as a matter of course have as the husband and father.

One note this is US law not UK law but I would be surprise if it is not similar.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 08:16 pm
@BillRM,
What are you saying? You get to rape, get to claim child ownership?

I'll agree the legal stuff is a morass.


I don't really know what to say. I see genuine sorrow from many. Remember, I'm not anti father at least some part of the time.
I don't see her as unstable. On first read, I'll agree with her.
But I'll read it all one more time.



ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 08:22 pm
@BillRM,
Ok, I know that, was busy trying to answer other things, if only in my own mind. So, I'll take your point.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 08:31 pm
@ossobuco,
What are you saying? You get to rape, get to claim child ownership?
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Child ownership????

He is one the husband and two the father and no claims of spouse rape or no spouse rape can directly impact his rights as a parent.

The only thing that would cause a court to take away his rights as a parent is if it is proven that, he is a danger to his daughter.

Women who had committed statute rape had not for that reason loss custody of their children and in a few interesting courts cases the underage fathers had been order to pay child support to their rapists.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 08:39 pm
@BillRM,
Yes, child ownership via rape in marriage. I understand it, of course, but part of me doesn't.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 08:40 pm
@ossobuco,
What's the deal, marriage = rapine?

Do we need to keep following Futzuolo the Rapekicker?
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 08:53 pm
@ossobuco,
Yes, child ownership via rape in marriage. I understand it, of course, but part of me doesn't.
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So all any woman have to do who wish to take away her husband rights to their children is to claim spouse rape?

One of the largest problem with the silly spouse rape laws is that there is no way for the state to enter the marriage bedroom and see under what conditions any sex act occur or did not occur between two married persons living together.

If memory serve me correctly the first time a husband was place on trial for such a rape in the US after the state spend a large amount of taxpayers funds the man was found not guilty and then the couple got back together.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 09:15 pm
@BillRM,
Silly spouse rape laws?
New Mum to be
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 09:36 pm
Thank you to those who have written.
First of all i would not take my husband's name off my daughter's birth certificate without the court's order. I have a lawyer that i ask questions to so I'm not that stupid.
Secondly, i know whether i like it or not he remains my daughter's father.
But i'm not one these women that would lie to ruin the relationship between their children and the father.
I have known my husband for almost 3yrs and i know what he's capable of doing. Before he turned into a monster i never had these thoughts in my head until the day he came threatening me when i was 3months pregnant that he would remove my daughter and take her out of the country because he had every power to do so and i didnt as i had no UK status.
I've never imagined that he meant it, until few days after i have given birth he came round my mum's house when no one was there. I went out to my appointment and left my daughter with my sister. He threatens my sister that he's taking the baby away. I have reported that to the police and that's how the court case began.
I loved my husband so much that i never thought in my life that he would try such thing.
I'm a new mum that wanted a happy home by cannot have a happy home, with all these around me.
My heart seeks justice for me and safety for my daughter.
My husband forced me to have sex with him the night after i came out of hospital from collasping, he knew then that i couldnt have sexual intercourse as it was instructed from the Dr of which he was present. But he still did it and didnt care. I was pregnant and defensless then. He raped me during my pregnancy, what makes me think that he would not hurt his daughter. He said that to me that he can't control his sexual desires.
I have tried heping him by asking him to go counselling but he refused and would beat me because for him i was insultive. I tried working things out with him to keep our marriage for the sake of our daughter but he would never turn up to any marriage counselling apppointments we had.
Now it's not about the sake of my baby, it's about her safety. Her father threatened me and also did what he said by trying to remove her from my care.
Prevention is better than cure. I don't want to just seat down and do nothing about then regret and wished i did. I do not want my daughter to be a victim of abuse like them kids i hear in the news been abused by their father because their mother never did anything about it.
No one can understand the pain of been raped unless they have been a victim themselves.
Rape is not something that one enjoys. It affects you mentally and emotionally and that's what i'm feeling now.
I will not lie against my husband just to get him out of the way and i will not do anything against the law or decision from the court.
So you're no one to judge me unless you know me.

ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 09:42 pm
@New Mum to be,
I'm wishing you well., new mum.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 09:47 pm
@ossobuco,
Silly spouse rape laws?
--------------------------------
Yes I consider any law that try to do the impossible and enter into the most private behavior between two married people living together is silly on it face.

Myself and most men go into whining mode if the wife happen to be not in the mood but how in the hell do you defend yourself from the charge that you had rape your wife in the privacy of your bedroom if she care to level such a charge?

I am lucky I never had a wife charge me with rape or child abuse however my first one did indeed lie under oath that I had assaulted her and the only one who every got hit in that marriage was myself and I even had two witnesses to her doing so.

I am damn lucky such rape laws was not on the books at the time because during our break up we did get together a number of times and have sex and I see no reason why if she was later welling to lie about assault under oath she would not have also been willing to lie about rape.

Sorry there should be no married rape law on the book for a married couple living together for the above reasons.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 09:50 pm
@ossobuco,
re BillRM, his posts depress me. I'll be back.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 09:58 pm
@ossobuco,
BillRM, his posts depress me. I'll be back
----------------------------------------------------]
Sorry my posts depress you but it took me over twenty-five years to trust a woman enough to married a second time and I needed to know her for twenty years before marrying her beside and that was my lost.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 10:52 pm
@BillRM,
I'm tired now and probably have no easy answers. I rail against your posts (never mind hawkeyes)
But, I don't mind just talking.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 11:01 pm
@BillRM,
BillRM you're a jerk, and nothing but....

New Mom, please get an attorney who handles your situation. If you're
in physical danger, please go to a woman shelter with your baby, they will
help you further. Do not listen to jerks like BillRM and hawkeye.
ossobuco
 
  0  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 11:34 pm
@CalamityJane,
I was raped. The guy was a business guy in the small city, c jane knows the city. Who would have believed me back then? I went to a female md, who was the single worst md I've ever been to - I figure she took me as a slut, or clueless. Single worst physical exam in my whole life.

Don't ******* rape me. It's not nothing, even if in marriage. I'm still mad.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 21 Jul, 2009 11:45 pm
@ossobuco,
I'll reiterate to New Mom - please connect with an attorney.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Jul, 2009 05:33 am
@ossobuco,
Yes we all come from our own viewpoints in life however the woman wish to keep a father away from his own daughter and that is as upsetting to me as it would be to you the other way around.

Did the husband used force or threat of force to have sex with the lady or did he just insisted strongly and how in the hell would anyone know in the privacy of a bedroom of a married couple?

Claims of rape or child abuse or any number of such thing during a break up is worthless without some proof that the man did anything wrong to do otherwise give the lady the right to take the man child away from him at her whim.

And both scientific studies and from my own personal knowledge at least some women will cheerfully lie or even just convince themselves that a husband insisting on having sex during her period is rape.



0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Jul, 2009 06:03 am
@CalamityJane,
Physical danger? From her postings I see little to indicate that she is in danger from anything but her own bad judgments.

By the way I just found out I been rape in my life as a few times, not as many as I would wish, I woke up to a sexual partner raping me IE performing a sexual act without my permission ahead of time.

Sorry ladies neither whining and or insisting on sex without the elements of force or the threat of force is rape even during the lady period or when she is carrying.
0 Replies
 
New Mum to be
 
  3  
Reply Wed 22 Jul, 2009 07:11 am
@BillRM,
Just because a woman lied against you does not mean every woman will do the same thing. My husband and i were fine until we got married and these things happened. He's response to me is, he has every rights as i'm his wife.
How would you feel if it ever happened to your wife or daughter? Would you call them liars or tell the court it's not true.
You cannot understand how it feels unless you go through it. And yes my husband did use harmful objects to get what he wants. He would hit me with my pregnancy and tell me he doesn't care wether we die or not. Why should io now allow him to see his daughter when he nearly killed her before she was even born and also kill her mum.
I DO NOT think it's appropiate for a man to force a woman for sex unless she consents to it. NO means NO. Regardless of the lady been his wife, IT'S NOT RIGHT.
Think what you wanna think but men that rapes women and think they can get away with because of power, will not.
I will not give up until i get justice done. I have witness, his ex to be precised. She's too scared to say anything, he got away with her but he will not get away with me. I must get justice and stop him from hurting any other women in the future.
If you do not have anything better to say then don't say nothing at all. When i get justice i will inform you.

THE SAME GOES TO HAWKEYES
 

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