How to tell daughter her cat got run over

i think you have to be honest about it, i'd wait to bury the cat and ask if she wants to be part of it, death is a unpleasant aspect of life, but something everybody has to come to terms with eventually

Oh no, I'm so sorry, FreeDuck.

That's so hard on both levels. Losing your kitty and having to tell your kids about it.

I do think that you should give them the option to be included in the burial. Maybe find a nice box and some nice fabric and wrap the kitty in the fabric and then put her in the box. Tell them what happened, first, then give them the option to see her. (If they don't want to, they only see the box.) Then allow them to help plan the burial.

As for actually telling them, straightforward is probably best. Exactly what you already said. (You found her this morning, you were sad, you knew the last day of school was special so you decided not to say anything right away, she was such a sweet kitty, etc.)

Maybe give them some time when they come home to talk about their last day, get situated a bit, etc., before dropping the bomb. Unless it'd be obvious to them right away that she's not there?

I'm so sorry about your kitty.

Mo has been through several pet deaths, some more traumatic than others. Including him in the process really seems to help.

I would definately let her be there for the burial. For pets that we don't have cremated, we usually plant some kind of plant atop the grave, explaining that the body helps nourish the plant and gives us something beautiful to remember the pet.

Agreeing with all advice so far.

Thanks all. Such good advice. I know she was just a cat but I am so unbelievably sad.

I put her in a box as soon as I found her. We live on a busy street and it looked like she got run over at least once more after initially getting hit, so her body isn't in very good shape. I was able to retrieve her collar and tags. I'm just glad that I've been taking early morning walks or there would have been nothing recognizable by the time we found her, or worse, the kids would have discovered her.

My husband and his brother, who is here visiting, went ahead and dug the hole under a tree that we are pretty sure won't be disturbed. They thought it would be better to go ahead and bury her in case the box starts to smell by the time the kids get home. We happened to have a small avocado tree that was ready to plant, so we put that on top. I do think it would have been better if the kids could have been a part of it, so I saved the collar and tags so the kids can bury it in the already turned earth. I thought maybe we could carve something in the tree bark above her.

Ducklet will be so broken-hearted. I know I am. I keep looking for my butt warmer and then remembering, oh yeah. Needless to say her brother kitty is being completely coddled and spoiled today. He's licking the leftovers off of my plate on the table as I type.

A guy goes on vacation and asks his next door neighbor to watch his house and take care of his cat while he's gone. The guy returns and asks his neighbor: "how's my cat?"
"Oh, your cat's dead," the neighbor replies.
"What?!" the guy screams incredulously. After he gets over the shock, he berates his neighbor. "You don't just say 'your cat's dead.' You have to ease into the subject gradually. Y'know, say something like 'well, your cat got out of the house and he climbed up on the roof, and I tried to get him down but he was just out of reach and then he jumped off the roof but it was too high and he hurt himself and I took him to the vet but the injuries were too severe and the vet had to put him down.' That's how you're supposed to break that kind of bad news, not just blurt out 'your cat's dead.'"
"Oh, I see," says the neighbor.
"So, anyway," the guy says, "how's my grandmother?"
"Well, funny thing," the neighbor replies, "your grandmother got out of the house and she climbed up on the roof...."

Of course you are sad - she isn't just a cat - she is part of your family. I think you did well and as best as possible under the circumstances - thoughts to your family.

Thank you, joe.

Oh, I am so sorry to hear that, FreeDuck, what a terrible way to start off your
day. It will be so hard to tell your daughter, I 'm choked up just thinking about it.

Very good advice so far, and I have nothing to add except my sympathies
and taking the advice too. Our dog is very old now and sickly. We adopted him when my daughter was adopted, so she's been with him ever since......

I know your urge is to spare the kids the pain of seeing their dear kitty's body, but I really urge you to change this decision.

They'll be sad, they'll be upset, but kids need practice with dealing with loss just like they need practice riding a bike, or jumping a rope.

If her head were still attached, I might reconsider. I think it would have been unnecessarily traumatic. Otherwise, I agree.

That will be hard, CJane. I was thinking about that this morning -- that we haven't even had this kitty for a year and she was really still just a kitten, and would it have been better or worse to have her for a long long time before she died. I think that it's better to have more time to prepare for the loss, as much as anyone ever can that is. Best of luck to you.

That's a good idea. They usually have a snack right when they get home, so maybe after that. I don't think they'll notice right away that she's not there. I'll just have to keep my self from sobbing it out so that they can't understand me.

Dang, sucks.

Let us know how it turns out.

Cheers
Cycloptichorn

Ack. You're thinking about your kids, but poor you! Finding your dead kitty is hard enough without having to deal with decapitation too. That's horrible.

*hugs to the FreeDuck family*

I am so sorry for your loss.

I think you made the right decision if her body was messed up. No kid needs to see that.

When Mo came to live with us we had several old pets so he has been through this with 5 large animals and several fish. The hardest one for both of us was our dog who died while Mo and I were on vacation. We didn't get a chance to say goodbye or anything.

Based on my experience I advise you to practice saying it out loud a few times. I know it sounds silly but really, it helps.

They'll notice that your sad so I would go ahead and get it out of the way. Maybe while they're having their snack: "I have some really bad news....."

Don't be too surprised if they don't cry about it right away.

And don't be surprised if they cry about it, out of the blue, months later.

Plan a little remeberence ceremony. Mo and I have made "tombstones" from stepping stone kits you can buy at the art supply store. We have a somber service where we all say a few words about what a great pet we had, how we were lucky to have known them and how much we will miss them.

I have pointed out to Mo that the hardest part of having a pet isn't taking it to get it's shots, or walking it, or feeding it, or cleaning up it's poop but knowing that you will outlive it. But that if you love animals you have pets anyway, even knowing your heart will be broken.

It will be hard to tell them but you can do it. And I know they'll be okay.

It really was surreal. It was still kind of dark outside and I was still groggy from sleep. The dog was sniffing... I said "come on, get away from that road kill... oh wait, it's a cat... a gray tabby... oh no". Then had a fleeting hope that she was still inside sitting on my work chair so I looked for the collar and tags and there was no question. Poor kitty.

Thanks so much for the sympathies, everybody. I feel like such a wuss.

Thank you, boomer, for all of that but especially this. I'm pretty sure I'll start crying if I say it out loud, so practicing saying it so that it isn't so raw is good advice.

I was thinking we could get some small knives and go carve her name on the tree. We also have a couple of pavers left over from a garden project that we could write something on and put around the avocado plant. The plant, btw, will never live past a year, but it was all we had handy.