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Sun 28 Dec, 2008 10:07 am
I was out with Alex the other night at a private songwriter's jam that he was invited to. There was a group of guys jamming and I was enjoying the music. Alex and I were sitting at a table really close to the stage and he was playing right at the table. After a bit, another fella came in, real nice guy from Cape Breton. He sat at our table and he and I chatted while the guys were doing their thing. He was funny and nice and we got along just great. He asked me what I was doing there and I said I was with Alex, and then I introduced them. Anyway, before we left, he handed me a piece of paper with his email on it and he said 'Email me'. I was confused. Why would I email him? So I reiterated that I was with Alex and that I didn't think so. He just repeated, "Email me". I just said "Good night" and we left.
What was that all about? Would he have done that if I'd said Alex was my husband?
This happened to me about a week ago, too. I was sitting with Alex in another blues bar and a guy dropped a note on the table in front of me. I read it and it said "Want to dance or go out some time?" I turned and looked at him and just shook my head.
I've never had this happen to me when I was out with someone. Never in 20 yrs of marriage did anyone ever approach me like this when I was with Kelly. Does anyone have an explanation for this type of behaviour?
Thankfully, Alex is secure and just thought it was flattering to me. I don't know what to think. I just know that it's not what I'm looking for - I find it highly unusual and a little presumptuous. I mean, I AM with someone, for heaven's sake.
@Mame,
Some jerks are easier to spot than others.
BBB
@Mame,
Did you hang out with musicians when you were married?
I find 'em quite a bit more 'no guts, no glory' than others. Some find it appealing/attractive, others don't.
@Mame,
Those are some ballsey moves. They should be grateful that Alex is cool. Maybe guys in blues bars are a bolder group?
It's flattering, that's for sure, so don't deny yourself that but I can understand where you're coming from. It's disrespectful to your man. And you.
@ehBeth,
I learned a saying while in Nashville...
Knock on enough doors, one will open.
@ehBeth,
No, I haven't ever hung out with musicians before. I feel uncomfortable when this happens and I don't like feeling that way. I don't like it and I guess what I'm really wondering is if I'm doing something somehow to prompt this behaviour. I can't think what, but I'd like to stop it if it's my fault.
@eoe,
eoe wrote:
It's disrespectful to your man. And you.
Yes, that's what I feel. It's insulting to him (and to me). I don't think he thinks that, but I do.
@Rockhead,
Next time I'll look and see if they're dropping notes all over
I hope that's just what this is.
Not your fault, sugar. Don't even go there.
@Mame,
It's only an insult to him if he perceives it that way, and if he's running in that crowd he's unlikely to.
My experience (and subsequent observation) is that relationships can shift and adjust easily there. I always thought the ex's guitar was his real S.O.
@ehBeth,
That's what they say. Just ask B.B. about his Lucille.
Face it, Mame... You're a babe and a half hangin' with musicians in jazz/ blues bars which is in itself Hot! Hot! Hot! It's nothing you are doing that you can control. As long as it isn't threatening, can you just enjoy the compliments?
@Mame,
two things..you can interpret that as you got it going ON!
The other issue is that some guys are scum. They are into the hunt or the power play..and don't care who they step on to get what they want. Don't take this as anything you are doing or doing wrong to cause it.
S'weird.
On one thread it's all ping ping ping when a man is possessive.
On this thread, there's something wrong when a guy isn't possessive/isn't insulted, and other men express interest in a woman.
Don't be possessive unless you should be possessive. Yoiks.
~~~
That's an awfully fine line that men are expected to tread, if you follow the posts around here.
@Ragman,
Ragman wrote:The other issue is that some guys are scum.
and I seriously don't get that.
<shaking head>
@ehBeth,
I'm sorry, but what don't you get? do you not get my stating my feeling that some men are sucm or that you agree that some men act like sum and you don't understand that behavior?
@Ragman,
I don't get that there's anything in Mame's initial post that would lead to a comment about some men being scum.
Alex is a confident man and doesn't have an issue with these notes. I was the one who thought it was insulting - what makes anyone think a girl is open season when she's bloody well sitting with someone? Does he think I'm easy or that I would prefer him to Alex?
I am just friendly and will talk to anyone interesting but that's all there is to it. So, the guy at the jam, I can understand more because we were laughing and talking so I guess can see he might have thought I was interested, even though I wasn't. From my perspective, how they take it is up to them; my intention is just friendly chitchat. My question on this one is if I was perceived to have led him on in some way. Maybe I should just curtail the friendly stuff in future. Although a person in their 50s should certainly be able to discern the difference between FRIENDLY and INTERESTED! Friendly I am, interested I'm not.
The other one I didn't understand too much. I was sitting there with my back to him and didn't even know he was there until the note dropped so there's no way anything could have been misunderstood. I just don't get the behaviour. Maybe he just doesn't have much class.
Let's face it Mame, in the music world, you're a groupie now!
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