I'm confused - can you explain this behaviour to me?

@Mame,

Mame, you're learning to live in a new community. They're behaving the way they do. You're not used to it and you're over-thinking it - a lot.

They're letting you know they might be interested. They're not going to care too much one way or another whether you say yes or no. They may ask you a couple of times (sometimes it gets to be a bit of a fun game for them), but they're not that fussed about it bottom-line.

If you're having problems with their interactions with you, you might want to consider staying away from the musicians' get-togethers.

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@CalamityJane,

CJ's definitely on to something there. The guys know that for a lot of women, it doesn't matter which musican they're with (it works the same way for other gender combos as well).

It's a different world. It can be a lot of fun if you're in that frame of mind.

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What is it you don't get? How would he know you were "with" Alex? You could have been his sister for all that other guy knew...and he gave you his email. Pretty casual way to initiate contact. Or all he had to do was say, "are you single?"

Ballsy is sh!t I'd hear guys say to an ex I had, who is one of the most beautiful women walking this planet. She'd constantly get hit on with me sitting/standing right by her side. I didn't care, I was the one getting naked with her later.

Scum is me...last night...heavily flirting with my lead singer's mom. Oh christ she's a smokeshow. Eh it was innocent.

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@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

Mame, you're learning to live in a new community. They're behaving the way they do. You're not used to it and you're over-thinking it - a lot.

True.
Mame, you are attractive, bright, interested and interesting. For them; 'nothing ventured, nothing gained', (sometimes it works !). Laugh it off.

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as a musician myself I am appalled that these men are behaving this way. It gives we decent and gentlemanly musicians a bad name.

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isn't sharing the women part of the musicians culture?? If sharing is the norm then making an opening in front of another man is not disrepect.

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@hawkeye10,

how did I miss out on that all those years? Damn....

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@georgeob1,

georgeob1 wrote:

ehBeth wrote:

Mame, you're learning to live in a new community. They're behaving the way they do. You're not used to it and you're over-thinking it - a lot.

True.
Mame, you are attractive, bright, interested and interesting. For them; 'nothing ventured, nothing gained', (sometimes it works !). Laugh it off.

Eh, I think you're both right. Thanks for the insight.

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@ehBeth,

Well I'm late but as the girlfriend of a musician for a coupla years, yeah, very much agreed with ehBeth. Cultural thing.

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@Mame,

I think it was tacky of the "email me" guy to persist when you clearly indicated no. He sounded pretty goddam peremptory too. I forget if the other guy persisted after you had clearly stated you weren't interested. If he did, I think he's tacky too.

Who on earth said Alex should be possessive and offended, Beth?

Mame...you're nuts to be doing any "is this my fault" stuff, unless you were caressing their balls and being seductive with sausages already!!!

Stop it this minute!

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@dlowan,

I never thought of that....mame...were you cupping and fondling?

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@Bi-Polar Bear,

Irony's tough on those little bear brains, isn't it?

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@Slappy Doo Hoo,

Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:

What is it you don't get? How would he know you were "with" Alex? You could have been his sister for all that other guy knew...and he gave you his email. Pretty casual way to initiate contact. Or all he had to do was say, "are you single?"

Ballsy is sh!t I'd hear guys say to an ex I had, who is one of the most beautiful women walking this planet. She'd constantly get hit on with me sitting/standing right by her side. I didn't care, I was the one getting naked with her later.

Scum is me...last night...heavily flirting with my lead singer's mom. Oh christ she's a smokeshow. Eh it was innocent.

I told him he was my boyfriend and introduced them. Guess I didn't say that clearly enough.

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@dlowan,

The average bear brain is 498 grams....average rabbits...10 grams. this is why rabbits are good for bear toilet paper

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@dlowan,

dlowan wrote:

I think it was tacky of the "email me" guy to persist when you clearly indicated no. He sounded pretty goddam peremptory too. I forget if the other guy persisted after you had clearly stated you weren't interested. If he did, I think he's tacky too.

Who on earth said Alex should be possessive and offended, Beth?

Mame...you're nuts to be doing any "is this my fault" stuff, unless you were caressing their balls and being seductive with sausages already!!!

Stop it this minute!

Thank you. I don't think I was doing anything but you never know what people perceive all by themselves. Maybe he thought I was interested because I was having a good time. I think I'll just keep a little more distance in future.

And neither of them were horrible people; I was just surprised.

Squinney: you're right - different culture. One of Alex's friends is a real blues groupie and she goes to every event that's on ... I don't see what's so special about any of these guys, but different strokes, eh?

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@Mame,

were you naked?

(hadda ask)

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@ehBeth,

I never said that she had said that. I'm saying that some men are scum. Seems (to me ) one of these men in her 2 instances was acting classless and scummy.

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@Mame,

Oh, I missed that part...yea that was dumb on his part.

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@Mame,

Oh Mame....why let a couple of duffers stop you mixing an' mingling enthusiastically!!

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Seems obvious to me that these guys think you're out of Alex's league....

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I'm confused - can you explain this behaviour to me?

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