How to clear this mess and win back my wife?

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My sister in law is visiting us. I do not like her much but we can talk etc. One night my wife, my sis in law and I started having a few drinks. My wife went up to her room to sleep after taking a drink but my sis in law who is very wild person(and single) kept drinking. So did I. I drank about 14 shots/drinks of various kinds: scotch, vodka, beer, wine and rum. I also have been taking wellbutrin for the few months and did not know how wellbutrin and alcohol will effect me.
So after a few more drinks my sis in law became quite flirtitious. She moved in to the couch with me. At this time I started to pass out only to realize later that she was laying next to me and feeling me. I gyess I must have also felt her. She wanted to have sex but I refused to and went up to our bedroom.
Next morning my sis in law spoke to my wife and told her that we were drinking las night and watched porno films and "felt each other". She said it was a mutual thing and I did not force or seduce her. My wife has become very upset with me and is asking for a divorce. I checked with my psychiatrist who told me that Wellbutrin can lead to a state of psychosis/delusion where one can black out.
I do not want my family to break up because I love my wife and my two young kids. I have apologized multiple times but still my wife just refuses to listen to me. She is somewaht angry with her sister, but still did not ask her to leave.
What can I do now to keep our family together? I have come very close to loosing hope. I do not want my kids to suffer because of my stupidity.

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Type: Question • Score: 12 • Views: 3,228 • Replies: 42

[+3] - eoe - 12/15/2008What a mess. That sister is bad news. And your wife really ought to know that. I'm sure there's history. But imagining myself in your wife's shoes, I would be very upset and may do exactly as...

@pleasehelp,

You are kinda in a pickle...

Is there someone to referee this bad scenario gone worse?

A minister, elder family member, bartender?

two sisters agin one guy is bad mojo, guilty or not.

(what were you thinking might get asked along the way)

1 Reply

@pleasehelp,

You painted yourself into a corner there, Pls....

Quote:

Avoid drinking alcohol while taking Wellbutrin. Alcohol may increase your risk of a seizure while you are taking Wellbutrin. If you drink alcohol regularly, talk with your doctor before changing the amount you drink. Wellbutrin can cause seizures in people who drink a lot of alcohol and then suddenly quit drinking when they start using the medication.

Dunno if that helps: talk to your doctor, see if he'll support a brief (say 24-hour) hospital stay "for observation" about side effects (of the drug, not of the sister in law). You seem quite distressed enough to qualify as a basket case, imho, of course with good reason. Your wife may decide your explanation is legit after all - it's hard to argue with someone lying in a hospital bed.

Good luck, let us know what develops.

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@Rockhead,

Rockhead wrote:

.........
(what were you thinking might get asked along the way)

He WASN'T thinking, that's the problem.

Only the Russian approach will work here, "retreat, retreat, and wait for winter". If his doctor cooperates to send him to the hospital at least for a few hours, he should be fine.

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@High Seas,

not denying the strategy, but the two camps will still have to find detente...

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What a mess. That sister is bad news. And your wife really ought to know that. I'm sure there's history.

But imagining myself in your wife's shoes, I would be very upset and may do exactly as she's done and asked you out of the house. You've committed the act of a first-rate louse and although you do have an alibi"the medication and booze"still, this is something that your wife will have to work through. All you can do is beg, plead, prostrate yourself and take what's coming to you with hopes that she'll eventually forgive you. But it's going to be a long and painful uphill battle.

My only advice is to voice your funky feelings about her sister with no reservation. While your wife may resent that now, later she will be able to look back and remember that you cannot stand that bitch and for good reason. It's just a psychological ploy of sorts but at this stage, you need all of the ploys that you can come up with.

Good luck.

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Agreeing with everyone here, but particularly with eoe on the sister. What in the world was behind her telling her sister? What good would it do anyone to have that out there? That sister is Trouble.

Pls, if you're not sure if you felt her, tell your wife that. Tell her how it really happened - you passed out or whatever it was.

And leave. If she wants you out, you really should vacate for now. It'll likely be temporary until she calms down.

Good luck with everything.

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I did explain this to my wife. I believe her sister came here with a plan. She was talking about getting us separated while two of us were drinking. My problem is that my wife believes whatever her sister says. She has absolute faith and trust in her. I dont want my world to fall apart because of a jealous sister. Please pray for me.

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praying isnt going to help you.

Please dont do something as passive as that. Her sister didnt.

Fight fire with fire.

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@pleasehelp,

pleasehelp wrote:

She is somewaht angry with her sister, but still did not ask her to leave.

Is the SIL still at your house????? Shocked

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@Izzie,

I know. That REALLY stinks. I'd find some kind of way to boot that witch out of my house. Plant some drugs in her luggage and call the cops.

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@eoe,

No **** huh?

Yeah.. in this situation, I would get down and dirty with the bitch too.

can you forge a letter from her? Make it a love letter to you or something..

Then show your wife. Make it look like she has a plan to get to YOU

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@shewolfnm,

No **** indeed.

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Marriage counseling just kinda pops to mind.

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I dunno, if you're wife is that much of a patsy, maybe you're better off without her. If she won't even give you a chance to tell your side, she's not willing to listen. There are the two little ones, though.

You're in a tough spot and you're partly responsible. As soon as SIL started talking that ****, you should have gone to bed - with your wife. You let yourself be put in that situation. It's not like you didn't know what she was like.

We can't really help you - not knowing any of the players. So what do you think you should do?

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Yes, i do take full responsiblity. i didnt know how would i react with alcohol and wellbutrin. I have never blacked out/misbehaved or acted funny with alcohol alone. I am actually a very reserved person who shies away from talking to women. The reason I sat there drinking with my SIL was that we were initially talking about my wife. I dont know when I lost my senses and started to fade out. I did some reading on wellbutrin ad alcohol and found many testimonials from people who became psychotic, self destructive, blacked out and irrational after consuming alcohol while on wellbutrin. I feel upset that my psychiatrist did not caution me the interaction between alcohol and wellbutrin.

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@pleasehelp,

Quote:

I feel upset that my psychiatrist did not caution me the interaction between alcohol and wellbutrin.

Oh, c'mon - now it's your psychiatrist's fault!?

Don't give me that crap.

I'll bet anything the patient information leaflet tells you not to drink alcohol while taking it. That's there for a reason. However, even blaming the drug/alcohol combo is a bit of a cop out.

You're responsible. Now do whatever it takes to fix it.

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@pleasehelp,

pleasehelp wrote:

The reason I sat there drinking with my SIL was that we were initially talking about my wife.

Earlier you said that the sister was talking about you and your wife separating. And here again you mention that your wife was the topic of conversation. Why? Were you complaining?

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It started with us talking about my wife, then she started talking about some of her friends who have separated. Then she mentioned she could get us separated. I also vaguely remeber her asking me if she was more beautiful and sexy looking as compared to her sister....

1 Reply

@pleasehelp,

Hope I'm not getting too nosy here but does your wife have any reason to suspect that you and her sister ever fooled around with each other?

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How to clear this mess and win back my wife?

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