How to clear this mess and win back my wife?

no. actually we would not see eye to eye till recently. i was not happy that she was visiting us and that led to fight between us.

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@pleasehelp,

I don't think that blaming it on the sister will get you very far. What's happening with the hospital idea, if the medic won't dispatch you there, can't you just walk into an emergency room and have a fit or something?

Btw, what's your medic's opinion on this mess you got yourself into?

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@pleasehelp,

Hello pleasehelp. Nice to meet you.
Yes, you did wrong. You know that. How much wrong, only you know that.

Your wife knows her "wild" sister. They're sisters.

"feeling me, and I guess I felt her"..........................if this is all, then....

Give it time. Give her space. Because of the children, if your wife is rational, she'll take your sorry butt back.

Good luck.

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Grovel . . . I really mean it!!

Flowers, candles, take her out for dinner, jewelry . . the whole nine yards. Take her away for a weekend.

If you want this marriage with this woman, you better show her that she is THE most important person in the world, you were an complete ass (along with your SIL) and your got a bad reaction from mixing drugs with alcohol.
Don't even mention the SIL.

You can tell the SIL that you made a huge mistake, that you love your wife and you are sorry that you even came on to her. Tell her (in front of your wife) that you are not in the least way attracted to her. Tell both of them that you will not drink while on this medication.

Bring in the pastor or couselor, if needed, to talk to your and your wife. Your wife should forgive you.

(This IS the first time for this, right?)

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@eoe,

eoe wrote:

I know. That REALLY stinks. I'd find some kind of way to boot that witch out of my house. Plant some drugs in her luggage and call the cops.

That was my first laugh out loud of the day!

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@JPB,

yes, I've aplogized and promised never to drink alcohol again. I've also shown her articles on wellbutrin and alcohol. In 12 yrs of our mariage I've never been drunk or misbehaved. I believe SIL is continuing to feed my wife with all kins of stories...............

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@pleasehelp,

Your sister in law has an agenda...

Are you clean, or does she have something on you to keep you from calling her game?

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I was the one who stopped us from going all the way. As I realized I was in the couch with the wrong person i pushed her away. At that time she did say something like she as disappointed. I was shocked when she went to my wife in the morning and told her eveything. i could not even deny stuff because I just could not remember everything, it was like a haze.......
My problem is that if i say anything against my SIL she will just change her story for the worse and add more spice! As I mentioned earlier my wife has absolute faith in her. She just loves her younger sister moe than anything else in the world. She did not ask her to leave even though the younger sister made it clear that she was equally responsible and involved.

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@sullyfish6,

sullyfish6 wrote:

Tell her (in front of your wife) that you are not in the least way attracted to her.

this has an interesting sort of appeal

it might really set off some crazies in your sister-in-law, but it might be worth it

mebbe counselling for you and your wife with your minister - with an invite to the sister-in-law - so you can tell her in front of God and all that she was nothing but a drug and alcohol induced mistake

hmmm, mebbe not a great plan, but boy it's appealing

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@pleasehelp,

Do you have ANYONE in your corner in this mess?

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Again, I would hate to loose my wife to my SIL scheming but I am more worried about my kids. I feel they are becoming innocent victims of the whole drama and will suffer the most.

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if you want to pacify her the thing that will work best is to fall on your sword...say that you can't drink, will not drink anything, and then don't for the rest of your life.

I don't recommend this.

If it were me I would say to her " I made a mistake. I am sorry that I made this mistake and I am sorry that I have hurt you. I love our life together and I want to be with you, but not if you can't forgive me for that night." ....then walk away. There is nothing to negotiate, no way to pander to her victim identity that will not cut your balls off. This whole thing might not be about you at all anyway, it might be about some dark part of the history of two sisters.

Stand up for yourself, nobody else will do it for you.

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@pleasehelp,

Quote:

I believe her sister came here with a plan. She was talking about getting us separated while two of us were drinking. My problem is that my wife believes whatever her sister says. She has absolute faith and trust in her.

There is something very wrong here. Your wife trusts her sister, but not you?
Get thee to a marriage counselor, quick!

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

if you want to pacify her the thing that will work best is to fall on your sword...say that you can't drink, will not drink anything, and then don't for the rest of your life.

I don't recommend this.

If it were me I would say to her " I made a mistake. I am sorry that I made this mistake and I am sorry that I have hurt you. I love our life together and I want to be with you, but not if you can't forgive me for that night." ....then walk away. There is nothing to negotiate, no way to pander to her victim identity that will not cut your balls off. This whole thing might not be about you at all anyway, it might be about some dark part of the history of two sisters.

Stand up for yourself, nobody else will do it for you.

I agree with most this, if it really was a one off, and you unwittingly, momentarily, responded to an uninvited sexual stimulus while you were in a drug and alcohol-induced stupor, though I'd scrap the "but not if you can't forgive me," at this point, and replace it with " I hope you can forgive me" (it may soon come to “but not if you can’t forgive me” " you can’t be a whipping post forever).

And I also think it’s a good idea to be very straightforward in front of them both. You love your wife, feel disgraced, and loathe that it happened.

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The answer here is so obvious. Get your wife drunk and have your brother come over and sit with her for a while on the couch. Let them feel each other up then all will be even. Gosh, you would think this answer would have been the first one offered to you.

Ok, I'm really only kidding about that. Getting serious, you probably just need to give her a little bit of time. She is feeling a bit betrayed and rightly so. Someone who is married should never put themselves in the position that you did. I would sit her down with her sister present and tell her exactly how much you love her and that what happened with her sister would never happen again. Explain how much of a mistake it was and that to make sure it never happens again you will stay away from the booze as long as her sister is around. But as others have said, it may take some time.

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@CoastalRat,

Man, you're funny!

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@Mame,

I know. It's a curse with which I am forced to live.

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I explained everything to my wife and also asured her that whatever happened was a mistake. I told her that I dont thikn i felt her sister. I also showed her the articles on wellbutrin and alcohol. She still does not believe me and continues to do what her sister tells her. At this point I have left the home and made up my mind to seek termination of our marriage as it does not make sense to live with someone who trusts her sister over her husband. I am very sure the whole story of "feeling each other" was SIL's creation to get us apart. I will fight for the custody of my children.

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@pleasehelp,

Awww, I'm sorry, pls... that's a pretty definite decision to making so early in the situation, though. You might want to just give yourselves some space and maybe consider counselling later.

What a time to be going through this!

So sorry.

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

if you want to pacify her the thing that will work best is to fall on your sword...say that you can't drink, will not drink anything, and then don't for the rest of your life.

I don't recommend this.

If it were me I would say to her " I made a mistake. I am sorry that I made this mistake and I am sorry that I have hurt you. I love our life together and I want to be with you, but not if you can't forgive me for that night." ....then walk away. There is nothing to negotiate, no way to pander to her victim identity that will not cut your balls off. This whole thing might not be about you at all anyway, it might be about some dark part of the history of two sisters.

Stand up for yourself, nobody else will do it for you.

I think the time for worrying about preserving his dignity and independence occurred before he made out with and groped his wife's sister.

1 Reply

How to clear this mess and win back my wife?

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