Census survey shows average marrying age is increasing

IN KANSAS AND IN NATION MARRYING AGE CONTINUES TO RISE
Census survey shows average marrying age is increasing
BY SUZANNE PEREZ TOBIAS
The Wichita Eagle

"None of my girlfriends were getting married right out of college, so I didn't feel any pressure to do that," says Grover, marketing director for Heartspring in Wichita.

When she and her husband, Travis, married in May, she was 30. He was 31.

Like many couples in Kansas and elsewhere, the Grovers waited to marry until they felt financially and emotionally ready. They're part of a growing trend of young adults waiting until their late 20s or 30s before deciding to marry.

Data from the U.S. Census' 2007 Community Survey shows that the median age for first marriages is the highest since the Census started keeping track in the 1890s -- almost 26 for women and almost 28 for men.

In Kansas, like much of the Midwest, the average couple marries at a slightly younger age -- about 25 for women and 27 for men.

"There are multiple reasons people wait longer," said Michael Duxler, a professor of social work at Newman University and founder of the Kansas Healthy Marriage Institute.

"Everything from economic issues to life being more and more complicated, and it just takes a longer time to mature."

Grover, who celebrated her seven-month anniversary Wednesday, said she's glad she waited. She and her husband met at Heartspring, an organization that helps children with special needs, where he works as an adapted physical education teacher. They started dating in 2005 and lived together more than a year before planning their wedding.

"About a year into it, we knew we were going to be together. But we just weren't rushing into anything," she said.

"We wanted to see if we were really compatible... Dating is one thing, but the day-in-and-day-out is a whole different story."

The right age

Career-minded professionals, especially those who live in urban areas, traditionally wait longer to marry than couples in rural areas, Duxler said. Kansas' agricultural heritage could account for its median marriage age being lower than the national average, he said.

Recent research shows that couples who marry sometime between their mid-20s and mid-30s tend to have the happiest, longest-lasting marriages, Duxler said.

However, "I think there's a danger in specifically identifying age as an ultimate criteria for when someone should be married.... People who marry much younger or older can do very well. Age is just one of many, many factors."

Brent and Ashley Arnold, high school friends who began dating as students at Wichita State University, married in November. Both are 22 -- below the median age -- but say the time was right for them.

The couple plans to move to Washington, D.C., briefly before joining the Peace Corps and living overseas.

"I think it's an individual choice," Brent Arnold said. "If you find someone you love and want to spend the rest of your life with -- and you're not walking into it blindly -- then it shouldn't matter how old you are."

Waiting even longer

While more couples are waiting longer to marry, others are holding off on marriage altogether, preferring to have a long-term relationship but stay single, sometimes for years.

Jason Gordon and his longtime girlfriend, Erin Meredith, live together and are expecting a baby in March. They plan to marry someday, Gordon said, but are content to wait a little longer.

"A lot of women want their wedding to be a certain way, and I want to make sure she has everything she wants in that respect," said Gordon, 35.

"Not a big wedding, but something nice.... We could go over to the courthouse and be married tomorrow, but it's one of those deals where she's willing to wait for it to be right."

Meredith, 28, has never been married. Gordon has -- he married at 23 and divorced three years later -- and says his first marriage persuaded him that waiting was wise.

"I wasn't ready to get married at all," he said. "There are huge changes in your life after about age 28 or 30, I think. That's when people really start to settle down and mature."

Starting a family

A concern for some couples who wait to wed but plan to have children is missing out on prime childbearing years. Statistics show that fertility declines at about age 35.

That's something the Grovers discussed, Katie Grover said, but aren't fretting about too much just yet.

"When you wait until you're 30 to get married, the next day you get, 'When are you guys having a baby?' " she said. "And we're like, 'Could we just have our honeymoon first?' "

Seven months into the marriage, Grover said she and her groom don't regret their decision to marry later than most of their peers.

"You grow up a lot more," she said. "You know more about who you are and what you want.... And you're ready to settle down."