Friendly Freaks Group (UK)

Endy, I swear animals have a sense of humour. We once saw a fox loping across plowed farm land stop and look back, waiting for a couple of fat old farm dogs to catch up.

maybe, he was leading them into an ambush

It wouldn't surprise me one bit.

Hope you like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=23TS-LKMRWE&feature=PlayList&p=5EE67BC908537C49&index=3

Good morning all. Hope you have a wonderful Sunday.

edgar, have a good one yourself (I sat in the sun with a beer today- not bad)

Tai Chi - thanks for the link - i'll take a look

Thinking of you Endy (((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))) x

Yeah, me, too. Often.
(Waving to Endy if he reads this.)

Hi -
Sorry to miss you all - and to miss Tai Chi's birthday (best wishes, Tai Chi)

Here's a belated birthday pic to go with your video (great lyrics btw)




i think he belongs here - like he's not going to take no for an answer : )


Hey
I apologise for not answering e-mails recently.
I know it's been nearly a month since i communicated with anyone (13th April) but i promise you, if i'd been able to do so i would have checked in.
i admit i've been struggling. Sometimes its like i 'stop' --so NOT knowing what to do, that i can do absolutely nothing --i mean i move around, i write a bit, but i can't go out or make contact with anyone (pretty freakish, eh??)


For a while its been about the whole 'torture' thing. I've stayed away because i'm so ******* angry about it, i don't trust myself not to have a ******* breakdown talking about it...ha haa (and wouldn't the torture apologists just love that?)

i have written a poem --(it was more like sicking it up, actually).
If you get to read it sometime, somewhere around here, please don't freak out -
(ha -there's that word again)
The poem makes reference to feeling suicidal -true - but i promised Olga ages (years) ago (and have reminded her since) that if i ever got to that stage (not illegal if unassisted in the UK), I'd leave her a message on the diary. So unless she sees that - not to worry one bit. Ever.
Its a promise i know i'd keep - i wouldn't walk away and leave someone in the dark about that.

Anyway - it's no big deal. I remember i saw a post by edgar once, regarding suicide. He had written something like "I have a problem with suicide"
I wanted to reply - "So do I. I can't do it."

That's how it is for me. I respect life. I say to myself - hey... many have it a hundred times worse and keep going....
I say to myself - hey...we are inside some weird, unfathomable miracle existence travelling at the speed of light. Life itself is a gift. Live it while you can...ect

But when i'm down... it can get very tough
Then i stay away from people i care about because i don't want to add to someone's ****.
I mean REALLY

It can be counter-productive because people worry if they don't hear from me. Sorry if you were someone like that - but you don't want to hear from me when i'm 'on one' - its not pretty - and anyway, when i'm stuck like that i can't respond to anything. Writing that poem was desperate - until it was done.

As for keeping that promise...i would never break it. Trust me.
There is a thread around called 'what is truth'?
its a difficult one and who knows the answer? But the first word to float into my brain after i read the question, was 'honour'.

I don't know why, exactly. But to me, (and i'm sure it is different for everyone) Truth is Honour.
I won't break that promise.

Here's a truth: I started drinking again- after 8 MONTHS on the wagon! Weak, eh? I know it.

Anyway, moving on -- here's a 'thing' i wrote a while ago


If i could i would

congratulate J
catch up with O
post a picture to R
Have a chat with E
wish R a happy birthday
wish J a happy birthday
say hi to I
post music to L
say hi to R
say hi to D
Happy Birthay T C
say thank you to K
Congratulate B

and more


I'm sure sometimes it must seem like i don't give a **** about people around here- but if you think that, you couldn't be more wrong. I follow many posters who i've never or hardly ever spoken to. I read their stuff from a distance and don't disturb them. People i've respected have sometimes ignored me when i've approached them (away from my own threads) But i don't blame them. When i'm nervous (shy, actually) i say the most cringe worthy, dumb ******* things! It's hilariously sad - even to me. (That's an oxymoron, btw)..

Other times, it's the anger i feel that stops me saying something. I think recently i've been pretty close to losing it.
The result of that is, i've been trying to deal with feeling like a coward for not speaking my mind.
The poem i wrote has eased that a bit. But it's never enough.

I'm probably making things worse by saying all this but for some fucked-up reason, i just want (need) to tell it like it is.

hope you are all doing good
cheers, endy



ps

Today i'm thinking about Naima (Lostnsearching) out there in Pakistan where hell is kicking off.

I remember when I thought she was a 21 year old Scandinavian bloke with a Billy Connally sense of humour. And then, after talking to her while, pissed out of my head of course - i found out she was a 14 year old girl from Pakistan.
Suddenly I felt responsible. Sober. Yet somehow, we still managed for a while, to have a laugh. To share some sadness. To talk about poetry.
She wasn't fazed by my dumb posts.
Naima was far wiser than me. She had a much better sense of humour and a very true sense of loyalty.

I miss her and worry about her.

Are we all just meant to ignore the escalation of war? Even when it begins to steamroll over people we know and care about?

Here's a great poem








See ya

After a post like that, “Hi Endy” seems pretty inadequate.

But it’s what I got.

Hiya!

Glad your posting.

(like the poem!)

Freak, out.

Hi E...

I hug.... always - so, hugging you... ditto much of what you say. Too much for comfort. Made those promises too. Strange 'ole world a?

So glad to see you...

as and when mate... as and when


hoping to post a Peregrine atop my hand soon, if ... if... if... - think you'll like IKE



<waves to JoeB>

Grins at Izzie.

hi Joe - yeah i totally freaked out writing that - then passed out--woke up and thought ---wow, i actually slept! For the first time in ages, feel rested.

Hey - freaking out can really help can't it?


reading back through, gotta say, sorry if i splurged --
maybe there ought to be a "watch yer feet" image for that

hey - thanks for posting
e

I like your signature btw

You might be surprised to learn that I lived much the way you describe here for more than half of my life, endy. Only after I had children did my life slowly change, not that anything else was different.

Hi Izzie

A Peregrine, eh? Wow! They are stunning, aren't they?
At the moment I have a lady blackbird who comes almost into my conservatory for the odd piece of dried fruit (not every day - but sometimes).
She keeps her beady eye on me the whole time of course.
I talk and she listens.
Your photographs (I've seen mostly on Roberta's thread) are REALLY good
Do you show them ever or send them to the press?

I'm going to go and sit out there on the step now - the sun will soon be on its way and its been a bright moon hasn't it?

cheers Izzie


e

Hey man - you are something special. Do you know that? (and i'm sober right now).
Actually, I'm not surprised edgar - i realise that the people who can put up with me are the ones who know what the bottom of the pit smells like.

Thanks edgar (I really like what you've been putting up on your lyrics thread lately - i will stop by soon )
cheers,
e

Jeez - some writer i am
Not

lol whatever i say - comes out so wrong. Time to seal my lips.
cheers

What a surprise & a joy to find you here this morning, Endy! ( -- ha!)

Yeah, you did write all that & I'm glad you did. And I hope you post to this thread on a regular basis, or at least whenever you can. This being a much more friendlier, freakier (& considerably less abrasive) place than some of the killer A2K political threads.

In the meantime, Endy, go gently, gently ....

I can't tell you how good it is to see you're back!

hey e

nah...... pics are a hobby - went to visit the Eden Project a few weeks back

http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/izzielzzie454/EDENSPRING09Copy#

(my picasa ones are a little... out there. lotsa weird and wonderful emotions in an image)

hope lady blackbird visits you again soon - sometimes good to talk when nothing answers back a? sometimes tho, the head thoughts make too much noise, way too much noice - that's why i take pics - completely focused and don't hear a thing - not a thing

you know, what you were saying ... i post stuff, especially at nite, have no recollection of it whatsoever the next day- cringe factor to the max and I seriously turn scarlet with embarrassment when I realise - ugh, especially if i PM someone or email - oh...... terrible terrible... i see it the next day and roll my eyes - but, it never stops me doing it... the people who know me put up with me well - they are the best.

(kinda doing that now when i should be sleeping... hey ho)

but

at the end of the day, which is often 3,4,5 in the morning... i say it how i feel it - not eloquently - just a ramble of emotions and thoughts... but i do feel safe here with these folk... that's kinda weird too - trust a lot of people on A2K and not in real life - i think that makes me a lucky bird - when you find someone/thing that will just listen, no matter how ridiculous, or not, it sounds - even a lady Blackbird

'tis a pleasure to be here on the freaky thread - i feel very comfortable with you and the guys and gals here and there's always a pot of tea brewing.

i'm with your other friends.... just great to see you whenever you can and as soon as I have a pic of IKE to put up, if if if - you and Boida will be the first to see him - think it will mean something special to the both of youze too.

hugs mate... hugs and love x

please say "hey" to Mrs BlackBird when she next pops by... i wonder if your conservatory is like mine - i get the sun all day, til about 5ish.. warms the house.

Full moon tomorrow love - hope you'll have a look - weather should be reasonable.

cheers love. x

Indeed, Iz. You meet a better class of A2K person here, for sure!