Before anything else, I do need to do a small but important edit.
Looking back at what I wrote, I realise I should have said that I've been suicidal
on and off since I was a kid.
I'm not feeling like that these days and I have some very good professional support if I need it.
Just want to set that straight.
I want to thank you all for your posts and pms– I'm sorry I didn't respond straight away. I was deeply touched, but also I think, held in check. A part of me is actually afraid of reconnecting and continuing with my writing.
This is only because I feel I'm soon going to be ready to start talking – I mean really talking. I can feel big changes happening in me. It's a partly exhilarating, partly terrifying feeling. It's like I don't know who I am and the only way for me to find out is to write.
Letty – I know what you mean about creativity. It can be a bit of a double-edged sword, can't it? I know its been described as a roller coaster ride many times before, but that's just how I find it. To get up enough speed to reach a high, I have to take the mad plummet down into the depths first. Then there are days when I've just got to get off and stand on solid ground!
It's really nice to see you here Letty. Thank you for your encouragement.
ehBeth – There is something special about autumn, isn't there? It seems to me to be a time of sharing.
Thanks for your kind words, ehBeth. I will hopefully have some writing to post soon.
Rockhead –Thanks, Rock. I hope so.
Edgar - I've missed talking to you, a great deal. Hope that we can talk more.
And edgar, your writing... it's a real privilege to read it ( on the grudge threat and elsewhere). Respect, edgar. I can very much relate. Keep up the good work and thank you for being here to welcome me. It means a hell of a lot.
Izzie – Thank you -I really like close up photographs like these - and the ones you posted before.
And I like how you're writing. Your words made me think of this picture.
It's on a site called Designzzz. Which you may already know but if you don't, just click on any of the pictures you find there.
http://www.designzzz.com/incredible-photography-roundups/?utm_source=related_post
I hope life is treating you well, Izzie
Olga – I promise not to apologise
Seriously – many thanks Olga. I'm honoured that you were thinking of me. I thought of you, too. I hope to settle down again and do some real work with my writing. And with discovering what it is I need to say.
Some of it might appear political but it's personal first and foremost. I too believe that it's important to speak up about things, especially these days. For me, I don't mean arguing on the political threads (I haven't got a bin big enough for that ; ) ) -but I would be unable to live with myself if I didn't speak up for what I believe in. I know my writing isn't going to change anything on its own. I'm never going to be a well read writer. I'm not intellectual or learned enough to impress publishers – not even sure that I'd want to - but if everyone did their small bit (just as you and others here do) to try and make the world a better place, it would soon get done, wouldn't it?
I am very affected by my past, but I've learned a lot because of it. I have strengths because of it and I realise that the real tragedy would be not to use those strengths.
Speak to you soon,
Endy
