Should I lie to spare feelings?

sorry just one more thing - I don't mean it to insult what you wrote - just that it is too long and a2k is as much entertainment for me - I can't take it too seriously.

Read a few post back - I tried that once with horrible results - my daughter intitution is better.

Also - she was friends with this girl when she first started at the school - she has known her for 2 plus years - so she has already tried the friend route.

I withdraw and nullify everything that I wrote.

If I had suspected that u were going to take offense,
then I 'd not have written anything.





David

Come now BBB...you know it doesn't work that way for school girls.

You hate someone...you hate someone. If you're a bully, you're a bully. There is no "let's be friends" with someone and all the bullying and harrassment stop.

Life is better for me and my foes when we stay away from each other.

I think most of us agree Linkette needs to be empowered to make her own decisions about where she wants to go, and who she wants to be friends with.

We've all know kids/people like this. They may not be mature, but they have a charisma and/or assertiveness to sway others to follow them.

Then you have a bunch of people doing immature/hurtful stuff

I said I didn't mean to insult - I'm just pure lazy and can't read it all.

Yes and the one thing I am glad about is that my daughter is smart enough not to be swayed by this girl. My daughter's own view is - I don't like how this girl acts, how she treats me and how she treats others - therefore I don't want to interact with her. Seems reasonable to me - and also a bit mature for a nine year old. My daugher does not treat her in a mean way, she simply prefers not to associate with her - and can you really blame her?

If I respond to u, I 'll keep it short or shorter.





David

Takes a long time for many of us to learn how to stand up for ourselves in daily life without being rude or belligerent but also not being some kind of icy controlling type, to be honest but not usually doing so by being hurtful - to have the perspective to not be 'snowed' by one person, to have wit and humor about life's incidences if possible. And it's not somewhere you just get to and then behave perfectly from then on .. more a renewing effort, hardest when buttons are being pushed.

I think Linkat and Linkette are doing fine.

Very well put.


So stipulated.





David

Me too.

Thanks it helps us lazies.

Thank you - I love my Linkette (and coincidently this is very close to her name).

Just wait until you hear more about Linkette Jr. she is even more a hoot!

very close to her name......Finkette?

Yeah right - just add it to the name thread.

I also have a 9 YO old and I get concerned around such issues. I do think that what EB Brown is saying is ultimately the right way to deal with this.
The way majority of us live life is by making up excuses for things that are not comfortable. It is an easy way but not the right way. What he is suggesting is the hard but authentic way.
You should only be concerned about your daughter's ultimate wellbeing. Being authentic is the only way of being happy, peacefull and fully self expressed. Playing it safe you only gets you far. Playingfull out you risk a lot but nothing worthwhile can be achieved without risking. '
If itwas my child and especially if another incident like this had happened I would be interested in knowing more.
since I have an almost 9 yO I put this question in front of my Son and My husband. My husband ducked the question which suffices to say what his response would be. My son said he would tell that girl that he does consider himself as her friend and thus is ubnable to come. Easier said than done, I know. but if you were so comfortable with the easy answer you would not have asked the question.

Basically I told the mom that we had other plans - it was my hubby's birthday (which it was). We had birthday cake that night for hubby - so we neither lied nor hurt some one's feelings.

If it were a larger class it wouldn't matter as the absence of one child isn't noticed. With her small class (5 girls in total) - one not attending is easily seen.

I disagree about only the your child's wellbeing is what matters - this only teaches your child to be selfish. I do think for you as a parent, your child's wellbeing is the most important thing, however, part of your child's wellbeing is to be a good person - if you teach them that all that matters is their happiness, they grow up selfish and self-centered - which will only hurt them in the long run.

I don't think what you did was make an excuse. I don't think you owe them an explanation though. You could have just left it at that and moved on to another topic or gotten off the phone quickly. Knowing what you will say before hand is half of the difficulty to me. Getting on and getting off is the other half.

But what you did was fine. It protected your girl, and you did not openly snub or offend someone. Teaching your children to be considerate of others even when they are unkind to them is good. Teaching them not to be doormats is very important as well. You did great Linkat.

Thank you mismi - I just worry about hurting a little girl's feelings more than anything else. Even if she isn't the nicest, she is still just a little girl. When she gets older though I can be mean to her!