@gustavratzenhofer,
Gus, when I had to put my first cat down, I would burst into tears at unexpected times for a several weeks.
When I took some leftover vet type food she had to eat to the animal shelter, I decided to go in and look at the cats/kittens.
I stood there looking at them and kept thinking "none of you are as good as Simi, none of you dammit!"
Eventually though, when it was time, I became charmed by a bouncy kitty, and fell in love again.