Partner joint accounts, kids.

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I am moving in with my partner and he wants us to split the bills 50/50 we both earn good money, he has a son that is going to be living with us, I have no problem with that but I would like to ask you would is the correct thing to do in regards to bills etc.
Should he pay more because he has his son, a teenager IS with us or should I just split it down the middle.
Also he has 2 girls 8 and 10 from his previous marriage, (NOT LIVING WITH US) he wants me to put all our money into one account, but then the money that I earn will go to their education and up bringing!!!
They have a mother and I think she should be supporting them financially not me, I would rather put my money into things for the house and etc.

What is the correct thing to do please advice.

Thank you.

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Type: Question • Score: 9 • Views: 13,386 • Replies: 33

@Whoops65,

Whoops65- Welcome to A2K!

I think that your partner is being grossly unfair. IMO he should be paying 2/3 of the food bills, and all of his son's expenses. The boy is not your stepson, he is your partner's child. In addition, if it were me, I would think long and hard before I would put my money in a joint account with someone to whom I am not married.

I have not heard his side, but from what you say, it sounds to me that you are putting yourself in a position where you will be assuming a lot of his responsibilities.

Please be careful. If it were me, I would keep my money in a separate account, and work out a plan with my partner (in writing) as to what our financial responsibilities are.

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@Whoops65,

Whoops65 wrote:

What is the correct thing to do please advice.

1) The correct thing to do is whatever the two of you can agree on. In other words, there is no one universally "correct" thing to do.

2) If you have a common account into which everyone puts all the money they earn, what difference does it make whether you split the bills down the middle or your partner pays more because of his son? It seems to me that the whole point of a common account is to implement a "what's mine is thine" arrangement. If you want to continue tracking which partner pays for whose expenses, why the common account?

3) From what I think I'm reading between you're lines, you're not quite ready for the "what's mine is thine" approach, at least not yet. I'm not judging that one way or the other. But given that that's how you feel, I think it would work better for you if you and your partner kept your accounts separate for now.

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@Thomas,

Thomas wrote:

3) From what I think I'm reading between you're lines, you're not quite ready for the "what's mine is thine" approach, at least not yet. I'm not judging that one way or the other. But given that that's how you feel, I think it would work better for you if you and your partner kept your accounts separate for now.

Dittos.

I don't think most household expenses will be worth worrying about who used what. About the only expense big enough to worry/argue about would be housing.

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@Whoops65,

Rental, or does he own the place?

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@Whoops65,

I agree with Phoenix. First off I would NOT have a joint account. You should not pay for his child/children. It makes no sense.

I would agree to split the normal monthly bills " like electricity, rent, phone bill, heat, etc. Food and other household supplies should be either purchased separately or 2/3 " quite honestly the teenager probably eats double what you do. You may even consider paying less for rent as I would assume the teen gets his/her own room. The phone depends on whether long distance charges are separate " it they are then regular flat monthly fee is divided equally and then whoever makes the particular calls pays.

I’d suggest meeting together where you both pull all bills that you expect to split. The write down how you will split them. Discuss what is fair under the circumstances/how/when you will pay. One thing I used to find that worked well from living with roommates, was using a spot where the bills are kept. You write a check to the payee for your half and leave with the bill. Rather than share an account, I would write my checks separately.

1 Reply

@Linkat,

I agree with Linkat's advise. Since you are already questioning "what's fair," you will never overcome the fact that your partner will be spending more for "his" side than yours.

Unless you feel there might be some "unfairness" to the arrangement, it's best you keep your accounts separate. That way, you're not "locked" into a relationship that may not be permanent.

Money matters create more problems for couples than most anything else in a marriage. Why create a problem on the front end when there's no need for it.

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@Whoops65,

Thank you all and I think you have some very good points, I was rather concerned that I was going to be ridiculed for my selfishness.

I most certainly would not have a joint bank account, I utterly refuse to put my money into an account for him to draw from to spoil his children even more then they are already, having said that they are adorable, and well mannered but YES I am being selfish why should I pay for his kids luxuries......oh my goodness I sound a evil woman!!!

1 Reply

@Whoops65,

Not hardly. His kids are always going to be his kids. Everything else is at least potentially temporary. Actually, far from you being selfish, he sounds kind of grasping.

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@roger,

Agreeing with Roger. At the least I'd have separate accounts.

My background is that I cheerfully paid my exes way (he not at all a spendthrift) while he was reaching for the stars in his field. I'm still not sorry about that, but I should have taken more financial care of myself. Time flies, pay attention to caring for yourself.

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@Whoops65,

I have been married for over four years now and still don't have a joint account with my husband.
I just don't see the need for it.

You both earn your own money, you both are willing to contribute to joint expenses, (btw, I also think his share should be bigger than yours), so I don't see where you would need to have a joint account.

If anything, I would open ONE joint account into which both of you deposit some money each month and use this for rent, food, and stuff for the house.

1 Reply

@Bohne,

He appears to be under the impression that its OK to split the bills now but he would never marry me unless we had a joint account!!
He thinks that we should share everything and the kids are part of the package, which I agree to an extent but I am not busting my backside at work to pay for his kids college fund etc....

My sentiments exactly in regards to the ONE joint account, I would like to make it clear that he is by no means a selfish man at all, and is in the very high earning bracket, so its not like he has any cash flow problems.
He is also set for life with stocks,pension plans, shares, 401K you name it he has it.

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@Whoops65,

Quote:

My sentiments exactly in regards to the ONE joint account, I would like to make it clear that he is by no means a selfish man at all, and is in the very high earning bracket, so its not like he has any cash flow problems.
He is also set for life with stocks,pension plans, shares, 401K you name it he has it.

Whoops65- There is something that "does not compute". You say that he is a rich man, yet he wants you to share the expenses for the raising of his kids.

If it were me, I would tread very carefully with this man. There is something about this entire deal that smells rather peculiarly. More than one woman has been taken in by a man who claimed one thing, when the reality was something else. BE CAREFUL!

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@Whoops65,

Whoops65 wrote:

He is also set for life with stocks,pension plans, shares, 401K you name it he has it.

All of which are going to be in his name and not part of the joint account....

1 Reply

@DrewDad,

Drewdad makes a good point - if I were you, I would agree to the joint bank account if he agrees to make you joint owner of each of these other accounts (401k, stocks, etc.).

Seems like what he wants is whats yours is mine and whats mine is mine.

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

Drewdad makes a good point - if I were you, I would agree to the joint bank account if he agrees to make you joint owner of each of these other accounts (401k, stocks, etc.).

Seems like what he wants is whats yours is mine and whats mine is mine.

Oh, man. I would hate to have to negotiate with you and DrewDad. (That's a compliment)

1 Reply

He would never marry someone that didn't agree to a joint account?

That sounds rather manipulative to me.

It probably isn't about what he has, but rather a control issue. Even if he doesn't need what you bring in financially, he seems to be wanting to make sure you don't have what you earn. You may find yourself in a position of not being able to get out if you need to if you go along with him. You aren't married. There would be absolutely no reason to have a joint account.

I'd agree to split the rent and utilities and take turns on the groceries and entertainment. That's it.

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

Drewdad makes a good point - if I were you, I would agree to the joint bank account if he agrees to make you joint owner of each of these other accounts (401k, stocks, etc.).

Seems like what he wants is whats yours is mine and whats mine is mine.

Don't discount that she may have some of those same things in her name that she may not want to share.

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@roger,

roger wrote:

Oh, man. I would hate to have to negotiate with you and DrewDad. (That's a compliment)

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I wouldn't recommend any "joint" with this guy even if he agrees to let you be on a joint account on his 401ks. The fact that he's the one that brought up having a joint bank account without mentioning his 401ks smells real bad from the front end.

1 Reply

Partner joint accounts, kids.

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