Partner joint accounts, kids.

I don't believe there is such a thing as a joint 401k.

Oh, I certainly agree. I wouldn't do a joint pretty much anything with some one unless I was married - there is too much chance for someone that seems like the one or seems serious and then takes advantage. At least if you are married there are laws to help protect.

I just figured if she brought that up - about him making her joint on his financial stuff, his story would probably change.

No - and I work in the industry - just making a statement in a sense - that is unlikely he is willing to share his assets.

I understand that. And agree.

Well I am kind of a dingbat.

In this case, I'd probably recommend a pre-nup to cover all pre-existing assets and liabilities.

Hi Whoops65:

I'm responding from the other side. I lived with a man for 20 years and I had a child; he did not. We each had our own bank accounts and we opened a joint one for the monthly expenses, which we split 50-50. As for the mortgage payments, we each paid according to our incomes, ie. if he made 2x as much, he paid 2x as much. That way, we each had the same percentage left of our salaries.

I agree with whoever it was that suggested this might be a control issue, not that I know the man or you. But to suggest that you should put your whole paycheque into ONE account, and that you should be responsible for his 3 kids' expenses, treats, whatever is not right. They are not your kids, so why should you pay for them?

I agree with you and don't think you're being selfish in the least.

Keep us posted!

There might not be a "joint" 401k, but he can name his beneficiaries on his 401k.

My situation is similar. I recently moved in with my boyfriend. He is a lovely man but really disorganised and so are his finances. When I met him he created the illusion that he was loaded. He earns a lot but has managed it all really badly. The reality is he doesn't have any money and I am fine with that. I love him. I have offered to help him out now and get the finances straight. However, he throws money at his kids all the time. They don't live with us and only call him or come when they want something. At the moment they want a laptop, one son wants his dad to take him on expensive football trips every weekend and the other one wants another car as the one my partner originally provided him with is knackered. He doesn't have the money to do all of that and I donlt see why I should pull my belt in and make sacrifices (my kids would have to sacrifice too) and go wothout while sorting this out if he is still giving them stuff they really should be aiming to get themselves. He doesn't have a good relationship with his ex and I think he likes to use the money to bribe the kids to come over and get back at her. He also likes to be considered the 'hero' who saves the day when she says no. Quite frankly I am with her. His kids are not learning any lessons about money and earning it. When they visit they are lazy and rude. They only come for dinner when she's cooking something they don't like. When they do come round he rushes out to buy stuff they particularly like (expensive) because they don't like some of the value stuff I buy to try and save money. When I told him how I felt he was stunned and is now thinking about it. I just want to know if anyone out there thinks I am being unreasonable.

I don't think that you are being unreasonable. Remember, he's your boyfriend, not your husband. You have no responsibility for his kids.

If it were me, I would make sure that I kept my money separate from his. I would sit down with him, and decide who pays for what, preferably in writing.

I think that you need to think long and hard about this man. He appears to have some issues concerning his kids, which is impacting on you. You can advise, but if the kids become a sticking point, it is not a good sign for the relationship.

Hi,
It's 2011 now and I am just curious how things are working out, Whoops65? I hope all is well.

Don't move in without pre-nups. Love is love, money is money, his cost of living is greater than yours. I expect you should only pay what you take out or fair contribution for your expenses, over that is a gift from you, to the boy or to whom ever you decide to give it to.

What is up with all the prenuptials and no nupptials?

I'm surprised you even needed to ask the question. Partner joint accounts has no benefit when there is no legal backup for it. From what you describe, it seems like you take all the loss without the benefit of security for your own life.

What would you do if you allowed the joint account; he took out all the money, and left without you with his son?

Think about it. If you like living in streets, go for it.