Wow....Thats....Incredibly Terrible (Part 3,the...End?)

Reply Thu 24 Jul, 2008 08:39 pm
See My First two Topics here on my mother To Catch Up on my Sob story.

I Figured Id Make another Topic since my last one has died out and there some significant New developments.I Figured id Keep you guys updated...

After My Father Initially Called 911 To Have Paramedics check on my mother And they said she was alright the following day she was no better...In fact she was worse.He Said that she had Stopped going to the bathroom for well over a week now despite Supositorys and Other gross stuff like that.He Called The ambulance again and she was taken to the hospital about 4 days ago now.

At the hospital She had still not gone to the bathroom For a while More (She finally did) but she had become almost entirely Delirious.She didnt understand who my father is,Where she was or other simple things like that.I understand Now From My Aunt That her blood sugar Had Reached in the 400's....I suppose Thats Extrodinarliy High...im not really sure though.

I just got a call a few minutes ago leaving work from my father saying there were high amounts of Gas in her stomach and intestines and That Without immediate Surgery She would Die.....So she's in surgery but my father explained that its a very dangerous thing and that Theres a chance she might not make it...Her stomach was Extremely Distended Like she was 8 or 9 months pregnant or some ****,Like it was out there.

So thats that,My mother Very Well could die.And Its because of Her own choices and Decisions That this has happened.She went against basic common sense,Advice from her Doctor,Advice From her husband and Son and lots of others......And its The second time its happened too.

but This times a hell of alot more serious.I know she doesnt care about herself anymore but doesnt she care about me? doesnt she care about My Father? DIdnt she Consider what This would do to us emotionally? Financially?

And worse off is That ive been so angry with her,I Just stopped talking to her when she started doing this,Stopped helping her....Just completely Avoided her alltogether. In the hospital ive Not Seen her,Not called..One Day My father went to see her and I Tagged along but i didnt see her.I stayed outside her room.It just freaked me out being in the hospital with her there again.....Ive spent far too much time in there For too many terrible reasons and I really had to controll myself From Like bursting out Crying infront of everyone or something.....

My Fathers so Upsett....Its terrible to see him like this.....Even after i gave up on my mom and Basicly started saying "**** it,its her fault" My Father was still there by her side defending her and caring for her doing everything in his power.Even when i said He was being rediculas he still went out of his goddam way to care for her every need 24 hours a day....

this is just really hard.I suppose I'll Let you know if my mom lives through this or not.....We'll just have to see.I suppose I could say a prayer for her or something but it would just be a waste of time.
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Reply Fri 25 Jul, 2008 12:53 am
So apparently the Surgery went okay and she's Now In intensive care.
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Reply Fri 25 Jul, 2008 03:48 am
Hey Mr Hunt

I'm sorry I wasn't around for your last posts but have read up - you have so much anger and fear inside you and I don't know if there is anything we can say here to help you feel any different about your feelings towards your Mom and Dad and the situation you are in.

I'm glad your Mom has come through surgery and that maybe now she will get more help with her problems.

You question why your father does what he does.... well, I guess it could be unconditional love.... even though that may help her destroy herself - your Dad is just doing what he chooses to do.

As we've said before - you are a young lad - you need to get out and in your own place. You cannot change the way your parents are - they make their choices. Now you need to make your choices.

The anger is eating you up Mr. Hunt. You have to let go of the anger before you can move forward. You cannot change the past - or anyone else - you can only change how you respond to what's happening.

Do keep on talking - but try to heed the advice so many are giving you. Only you can help you right now - the doctors and nurses, your father etc will take care of your mother - you need to take care of yourself before this destroys you.

Please try to get past this anger. We all have been in situations where the anger takes hold - it's how you deal with it now and how you move forward.

Take care.

I hope your Mom recovers well from the surgery and gets the much needed help she needs.
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Bella Dea
Reply Fri 25 Jul, 2008 06:43 am
Is your first name perhaps, Mike?


Sorry. I had to.

Hope things are looking up for you.
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Reply Fri 25 Jul, 2008 12:50 pm
Im taking one final Driving class Today and then i'll be schedualing my Road Test to get my drivers license Immediately after.

im also actively Looking for a place of my own to live but its a tad difficult to find a place over here in my price range With the stuff i want From it.

Ive Listened to all you guys's Advice and its much appreciated as always.
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Reply Fri 25 Jul, 2008 09:07 pm
MrHunt - I hope someday you can forgive your parents for the sad, sad, life they are living.

I hope that you will always remember that YOU did not cause it, you can't control it or you can't cure it. They are JUST where they are because that's how they know how to live. They really are doing all they can, now.

YOUR job is to get a life that is DIFFERENT. Break the chain. Do NOT repeat their life.

Be better.

Sounds like you are on your way. Good luck on the driving test.

Keep moving FORWARD . . . have some reality hope of a better life
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Reply Sat 26 Jul, 2008 03:37 am
Hey Mr Hunt

Good luck with road test. Smile Let us know how you go.

With the place of your own - well, it probably won't have everything you want - but you are just starting out so you need to compromise on your wishes and weigh up the potential benefit of just being in a place on your own and moving forward with your life. That is a real good move. Keep us posted. Hope you can find something that will suit you.
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Reply Sun 27 Jul, 2008 02:11 am
Well......My Fathers been Saying my Mom is literaly DYING which ive Found out is untrue and Basicly Something in her bowels is blocked and She's Getting enema's? Far From death.So on the Day i was supposed to take a Driving class before my schedualed Test I called and canceled to go see my mother.....******* Waste of time! because the instructor didnt Get My Message Untill he came to my house and Then I think he got pissed cause he's not called me back to reschedual Like I asked....****.

but yeah,My mom is in ICU Getting lactalose enema's And On Some strong drug to help Get her down off of alchahol....I have come to Realize that this isnt my fault and Also Have gotten to the point of basicly "**** them" as in soon as i get a place of my own and License i Could care less about them....

I dont know,I wont keep going on.
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Reply Sun 27 Jul, 2008 07:22 am
You said: i Could care less about them....

Well, you DO care about them, but you are so angry that you can't even have a good sense of that.

Have some compassion and detach with love.

You need to go to Alanon ASAP. You have absorbed you parents' sicknesses
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Reply Mon 28 Jul, 2008 05:41 pm
I went to see her in the hospital Today,They moved her Out of icu but She's just horrible.Tubes into her nose...Her arms and fingers are all swolen (i have no idea why)

she had a blood sugar level of close to 500 And due To blockage In her intestines And A poor liver She Has high amounts of amonia in her brain Which They think is why she cant even Speak anymore.....

She was so sick before but Mentally She Was So strong...It was all she had.but now She's completely Crippeled and Cant Even speak? She cant even form One Goddam word,I went to see her and I thought i could do it you know? I Went to touch her hand and Just seeing her like that And she starts like Making all these Noises that a Little baby would......Just Not Even able to form a word.....Mentally she's just not there and its terrible.I Just walked out real fast Cause i almost started crying Right there.....

**** its terrible.
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Reply Mon 28 Jul, 2008 05:53 pm
Oh Mr Hunt

I'm so sorry this is happening in your world. You don't need to worry about crying - what you need to do is let those emotions out. Hospitals are scary places when you are having to watch your close ones in pain and suffering.

We can't advise you what to do here - not whether you should be in the room with your Mom or not.

If it were me, personally, I would go in and hold my Mom's hand - and I would cry openly. That's just me. Everyone deals differently.

Only you know what is best for you right now. To see anyone in the situation your Mom is in, would be hard - to see it happening to your Mom, no matter what caused it, is even harder.

How is your father handling this? How are you and he communicating? Are you able to support him? Is he able to support you?

Keep talking Mr. Hunt. Let out the emotion and the anger. You need to try and be constructive here though - not destructive. If it is too difficult to go to the hospital - don't go. If it is the anger about why this is happening and all of those reasons - well, only you know how you feel inside. Do whatever you feel is the right thing for you, and what you can live with. Maybe leave it for just a little bit - then decide.

Sending you a hug - you're so young to be going through this. I'm so sorry it's causing you so much pain.
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Reply Fri 1 Aug, 2008 02:33 am
hey! so my moms getting much much better! Lets see here......

She's Gone From being in a completely Vegetative state bothy physically and mentally to Now Not being able to eat,Drink,Stand or walk.Is Completely Delusional (a 5 year old Tripping on acid Is More aware than she is) and Now Angry and violent!

HUGE IMPROVEMENT! At least this is what my father keeps trying to tell me...Yeah....Im so happy! She doesnt even know who i am....Or where she is....Or what ******* 1+1 is!
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Reply Fri 1 Aug, 2008 04:09 pm
Your mother is going thru withdrawal, probably has a "wet brain" or is going thru the DT's.

You need to educate yourself about alcoholism. If you knew more, then you would know what is happening and could prepare yourself.

(Make sure her Dr. knows the extent of her past use of alcohol and other drugs. He may be able to give her something to ease her at this time)

In the meantime, try to have a little compassion. This isn't all about you. She is suffering terribly. Knowing what to expect will prepare you.
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Reply Sat 2 Aug, 2008 02:33 am
Ive fully researched into her Illness and Also Her Alchaholism and im well aware of thy symptoms and whats going on....I dont need to be "educated" at all.....

Its not that she's going through the "dt's" or Withdrawl....She's been off drinking now for over a month.Also Im sorry but i just dont have any compassion...

This was Done To Herself by her own choice and its thrown her health and our entire family into turmoile.Would you have compassion For a crack addict if he was trying to get off? Or would you simply say "Hey,He wouldnt BE like that if he didnt do something stupid like that in the first place"

u know what i mean?

Also im not trying to make this about myself or Complain here so im sorry if thats how i came off.......I was just trying to talk about it as it sorta made me feel a tad better.I dont have anyone else to say it to and i figured i would here......Sorry.I wont anymore.
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Reply Sat 2 Aug, 2008 01:50 pm
It's okay. Your anger is natural, and you have a right to it. Just try not to take it out on us...or yourself!

Most of us make mistakes in our lives that we later regret. As you age, you will find this is true. Some of those mistakes are real biggies, and can't ever be made right. To one degree or another, it happens to all of us. If your mother was lucid, she might very well regret her drinking years now, who knows. Try to understand that she is trapped in something she can't get out of. As for your father, he is probably doing the best he can to cope with this, even though it may look to you like he's not taking the right steps. He's in an awful position...a desperately ill wife and an angry son. I don't envy him, either.

Is there a group for families of alcoholics that meets near you? It might help if you had someone to talk to IRL who has been through what you're going through now. Really.

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Reply Sat 2 Aug, 2008 02:02 pm
Several of us have suggested Al-Anon in one of Mr. Hunt's threads. There are probably other groups whose names I don't know for family members of alcoholics, Mr. Hunt.

I just looked in my phone book and find several listed under "Alcohol Information and Treatment Centers". A few of them besides Al-Anon have such listings as "Co-Dependency Family Program".
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Reply Sun 3 Aug, 2008 02:24 am
I Know and have read the al-anon Suggestions but to be honest Im not going to do it for a multitude of reasons.....

First off is that Working 65 hours a week,Managing my parents buisness and Remodeling our back Room to Rent out Leaves me with Less than Little time.

Secondly Is that Its just embaressing and Upsetting to go to a group of real live people and say this stuff,I live in a fairly small town and have lived here for 21+ Years.Theres people who know Me From WAY back Through a friend of a friend that im not even aware of and i dont want the entire town knowing our problems.

And Third is that Its seeming more and More Likely That My Mother May never be the same again...She's been cut completely Off of Any Medications at the hospital To See if thats what was causing Her Delusions and confusion....Its still happening.They thought She was going through prolonged withdrawll but She was eased off On adavan For weeks in the hospital and Theres no way thats it.she had some nerological test done today.....They fear Possible brain damage as she Really isnt getting better and its a tough thing To face.
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Reply Sun 3 Aug, 2008 02:28 am
Oh yeah......To just give you an idea of how mentally Ill she is...

The Other Night the hospital called me (apparently it was a new nurse who wasnt aware of her situation) Asking me if My mother had any adopted children?

I said No......Why? She Has Extensive Paperwork and medical history throughout the years and they would know something like that.

The nurse replyed That My Mother Was Getting Upsett insisting that She Had Three adopted vietnamese Babys At Home that needed taking care of......Later On she Thought that She was In Cape Cod Massachutes.....(She's lived in hawaii for the past 22 years now)

The funny thing is that she clearly remembers things that have happened Years and Years ago.....but her Short term memory Seems compeletely gone.....
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Reply Sun 3 Aug, 2008 09:22 am

I've just got wind of this thread and your situation now. Trying to catch up.

I'm so sorry you are going through all this.

At the mo, my PM isn't activated. I'm going to try and fix that.

I know you aren't up for the idea of Al Anon right now. Ok.

For right now, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. I can relate to a lot of the things you are going through. I grew up with a mom determined to drink like yours.

Hang in there. My best wishes for you and your family right now.
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Reply Sun 3 Aug, 2008 07:54 pm
Hey Mr. H

First of all kiddo - don't stop talking to us OK - vent away when you need to and we will try and help you thru what is going on - albeit we may only be able to listen... but we are here - so, get angry if you need to - we all need a place to "shout about it" and the folks here are pretty good at listening.

If Al-anon is not for you right now - then, that's alright too. Maybe at some time in the future it may be vaible for you. What I would say tho, is, your embarrassment is understandable - your 21.... you don't want to be be putting the word out to the people you know and who know your family.... I do understand that - BUT - maybe the people you know, already know about your family situation - they will be aware of the hours of you work and all that - maybe there is someone in your circle that can help you closer to home - a support system. Thing is, and I know it's easy for me to say because I am not in your position - but, there maybe someone who is in a similar situation to you that YOU don't know about - there maybe someone who would wish to help you but is too embarrassed to say something to you.

This was not your doing - your parents life and the way they conduct it is not your responsibility. You can't change it, you probably at this stage cannot influence any of what happens - what you are trying to do is fix up all the problems, keep them quiet from people who may be able to help you, and you still have huge anger inside of you.

I have seen the other thread you have been writing on - and it's one that you feel you need to question - I don't blame you - I have questions that I have been asking - perhaps not as loudly and vehemently as yourself - all I would suggest is...that could you bring you further down - any negative response to your anger may bring you further down.... so please be careful there and not let your anger drive others away from you. You don't need to pretend to anyone, you don't need to keep it in - just keep talking and we'll try and help you help yourself to find a way forward.

Now, what is happening with your driving?

What is happening about seeking out a place to live?

Remember - we've said before, that right now - you need to focus on YOU - but on positive steps forward - not negative, not the past - you need to keep focusing on what you can do to change YOUR life and the way you are going to handle what is going on. The doctors will take care of your Mom for the moment. Your Dad is his own person and will do things his way. You need to focus on how you will change your life so that you can feel better inside yourself, and to let the grief and anger inside of you subside.

Keep talking.... let us know what you doing to try and make your world a better place to be living in.

I hope your Mom will improve hun - I hope your Dad will decide his way forward...

but most importantly - I hope you will figure out where it is YOU want to go from here - and will keep talking to us.... anyone else who is prepared to listen and not judge you.

You aren't a bad person - you're a kid (not meant in a patronising way, I promise) who is trying to work out which way to go - please listen to the positive ways you can do that - if you can - and vent away when you need to.

Hugs to you.
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