Hey Mr H.
I'm so glad you have posted again - have been waiting to hear from you.
I'm sorry everything for your parents, despite your mom's recovering, is still so difficult.
The emotional strain of this for one so young is a lot, too much, for you to handling - but you are doing it admirably.
Firstly, your Mom recovered well enough to go home - now your parents both make their choices again on how they proceed.
I don't have anwers for you hunni - you need to figure out what the best is for you - however, I can only tell you what I personally feel. My situation is different - but not so dissimilar in the emotional stakes.
You have moved out - I believe this to be a good thing for you. You are a young lad - you are not responsible for your parents actions - and if you were still at home - you still would NOT be able to change your parents actions. They asked you already about taking sides. You can't take sides, because you have no control over how they choose to live. However hard it is to step back and watch people, those you love, hurt themselves, each other, and ultimately hurt you - you need to step back. If you step back from the emotion of what they are doing - then you can do more for them, which means more for you.
I still believe you need to seek help from the professionals. I believe you ought to go and get help from people in similar circumstances. This is not to get help for people to go and "fix" your parents.... no-one can do that. This is to help you be able to cope with what they do - for you to be able to accept that you can't change how they conduct their life.
I think we talked before about AA or a support group for the FAMILY of the anonymous. People who will UNDERSTAND your loyalties, fears, anger and just someone to sit with you, who can give you a way forward.
You have done so well. You are working 3 jobs, you have moved in with a mate, you said you were happy with what you have achieved. That is good Mr. H. You are taking responsibility for your life. In so doing, you will be able to deal better with what your parents will choose to do. You need to continue concentrating on you.
I know how it feels when someone you love endangers themselves. I also know that unless you step out of that black world and only "view" the blackness, then you get drawn into it, where everything you do will also become black. People make their own choices. You can't change people. You can still love and care for your parents...... you can be angry, upset and even say you hate what they do..... you still can't change them. Only they can do that.
I understand your fears of what they may do. I really do. You cannot stop what they will choose to do. Seek help where you can from the professionals, but more importantly seek help to deal with your feelings about this - when you get a handle on the guilt that is going to burden you and gnaw at you, then you will be able to give them more constructive help.
You can disapprove of them. You can be angry. You can feel guilty. It won't change them. Please - do keep talking, and please - think about what others suggested about going to a support group - you shouldn't be ashamed or embarrassed, please.
You are doing SO good with focusing on your future by the actions you have taken since you last posted. WELL DONE. Keep strong.
These are only my opinions. Listen to the other folk here. We all talk and feel differently and they are wise with their advice - they taught me a lot.
Keep working hard..... and Mr.H - go out and play too. You're a young man - look to your future. Take care. x