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Well..Nobody Put a gun to her head..Or DID they?!?!?!?!

 
 
mrhunt
 
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 02:16 am
So im sure some of you will remember my last Post regarding my mother,Her Drinking/Muscle Desise and the many complications surrounding it...

and i thought id update you guys with the latest!!! (Yay....Wait,Im being sarcastic..this really is a shitty situation)



So i Still work around 60 hours a week and Im Not home very often..Obviously not often enough to Realize how much my mothers condition has slipped....

Apparently her drinking "Once again!" Has gotten out of controll and to the point Of her being near death...She's stopped taking her Pills,hardly eats,Doesnt excersize Or do physical therapy of any kind and just sits in her chair All day long drinking.....

As you'll remember my fathers the One buying her the Rum And serving it To her And When confronted on this He always will become angry and say either..

Your moms depressed!
Its her life! I cant stop her!
If i say no she'll get angry and try to do it herself!

My father recently Has Mentioned About Some "pills" the doctor has given Her and how she'll be better soon..I Finally Forced it out of him today that these Pills are Supposed to help get her off of alchahol and To detox her from home.....Now get ready for the kicker!!!......

you ready?....

Okay! So at the same time he's giving her these pills to Help her Get better and Off of Drinking/Certain liver failure He's Still buying the Rum and cokes For Her! And She's Still Having them! When asked on this He said it has to be done "very slowly" Or something like that.

I dont believe this and im going to be calling Her Doctor Tomorrow to get the truth out of this and discuss it with him personally...

she's gotten terrible....She drinks around a bottle of rum a DAY and With Years of pain killers (doctor prescribed) and other pills her liver has already failed her once and Im afraid she's in serious danger of having it happen again. I can hear her throwing up all the time,she cant stand or walk anymore or Sit Up straight On her own....She cant Even ******* sit in a chair and hold herself up! She'll slump over in it like a rag doll!!!!!


Im angry At her because She's Doing this to Herself...theres nobody Forcing her to Drink and Not take care of herself....She's DESTROYING herself Day by Day And My Father Despite Him being there For her and Now caring for her on a 24 hour basis Im Afriad Is Helping to Destroy her by buying her The Rum....I cant even talk to him and get information about her health....Im Her Son and i care about her Health and she wont answer a goddam word and neither will he!

Im 21 years old and Due to this situation ive taken over responsibility of getting bills paid,Food in the home,All yard work,cleaning and Running their buisnes emails .....Im very responsible yet they wont say this **** to me like im An 8 year old that cant her the truth? And then there saying there going to sell the house and Move to Montana or some bullshit like that? Cause our house just isnt wheelchair accessable? WTF!??!!?!??!

bottom line?:
Im a terrible son as i Hate my mother for what she's Done to herself....I cant stand to be around her and blame her for this 100%,I blame my father For this equally. I act very cold and just hate being in the same room with her as it kills me to see my mother so completely destroyed....She's Only 50 years old! Theirs 80 year olds in better shape than her!!!!!!

I know she's in pain from her Many health issues (too many to count,TRUST ME) I know she's depressed as my father constantly nags me About......but Is that a reason to drink? to ignore doctor visits and To stop medications and all else? theirs cancer and burn victems in as much pain or more and there not doing this to themselves.....

im going to be Working on getting my drivers license and finding a cheap place close by My parents home and living on my own. I put in around $1500.00 a month to live here and Its just a rediculas joke that Im Not comfortable with At all....If this was a place i was paying for On my own and in a situation like this i would have moved out within a weeks but because its my parents and there in a situation like This ive Held out but im not sure i can anymore.

i Know its going to be abandoning them.....and Causing extreme financial hardships on them (Like,Loosing their House And car hard) but I cant take this....I Feel like im supporting them....Not Realy but Its about 50/50 right now and without my 50 things go downhill fast.


****,What do u guys thinK? Sorry for the spelling mistakes and that its so long!
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Bohne
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 02:45 am
My heart goes out to you!
I feel and understand your anger.

But think of this:
Your mother might have started the drinking, but at the moment, I don't think she is in any state to make a sensible decision about this, i.e. see what she is doing to herself and her family and stop.

Your father on the other hand should have his senses in working order, and I think his behaviour is absolutely irresponsible.

Since neither of them seems to be able to get the situation under control, maybe there is a chance your mother can be hospitalised.
Let the professionals do the job, you don't have time to do and you father does not have the will, or so it seems.

Detoxing is not pretty, but without it, from the way it sounds, your mother does not stand a chance.

How is your mother when she is not drinking?
Would you say, she is sensible and open to reasoning?
Will she get herself back together once she's been givin a chance?

I hope you have the strength to go through this, but I wish I had an idea of how to open your dad's eyes.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 02:46 am
Not much help, but sometimes you can't do a thing, and leaving is all that's left. Okay, that's not good either, but you've got to take care of yourself, too. You don't really have a good choice, but make the best of what you've got open to you.
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mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 02:59 am
Bohne.....

the Thing is that this has Happened before When my parents had legal issues and it Just Flipped my mother out.....and she started drinking and Didnt stop......I was younger then And Around all the Time and Saw her Go From bad to worse to where she is now to the ICU For 2 weeks......

It Was Something that I wish i had of never been around Or Seen and Really left A perminate Scar On my Mind and Heart.....I supose that sounds kinda gay but Theres just some things that You wish you'd of never seen or gone through and that was one of them.....

I said to myself that that wouldnt happen again and that she was smarter than that....Apparently not which is why im so upsett with her as well as my father.....

there both well aware of the consequences and what has happened in the past yet choose to ignore it. When My mother is Not drinking and doing what she is supposed to She's An Extremely sweet lady Who Even wheelchair bound will just be amazing.....She's been a great mother To me who's gone out of her way.

I love her alot but i dont think she'll listen to me healthy or not regarding this.....Like ive said she and My father just choose to not tell me anything thinking that i wont know whats going on....Just to ignore it....

Im going to try and speak with her doctor tomorrow and Let you guys know.I really appreciate Saying this and getting it out and your support on it! This board is the only place where i can be open and honest with things that id never say to anyone else.
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 03:58 am
Quote:
Im angry At her because She's Doing this to Herself...theres nobody Forcing her to Drink and Not take care of herself....She's DESTROYING herself Day by Day And My Father Despite Him being there For her and Now caring for her on a 24 hour basis Im Afriad Is Helping to Destroy her by buying her The Rum....I cant even talk to him and get information about her health....Im Her Son and i care about her Health and she wont answer a goddam word and neither will he!


Hello Mrhunt, it's sad that your mother has deteriorated to this stage.

In relation to some of the emotions expressed, are you sure you're angry because she's doing this to herself? If you didn't know her, would you still be angry at her for doing this to herself? Does your pain lie within the gap between knowing her (ie her being your mother) and not knowing her (ie if she were a stranger)?

And what are your hopes for your mother? What are your hopes for you with her?
0 Replies
 
mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 10:32 am
I just dont know vikor but its a valid point.If i didnt know her I wouldnt give a ****. I just want her to take care of herself and be alright to a reasonable degree....Its hard to see that happening though....
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edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 10:43 am
Well; what did the doctor say?
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mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 11:13 am
Im in hawaii and its only 7:00 am ....I'll let u guys know.
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edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 11:27 am
oOps Sorry.
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 12:41 pm
Listening.

Mrhunt--

Consider hooking up with AlAnon for the families of alcoholics. You'll find people there who have been where you are now.

Your disgust is perfectly normal--it is the situation that is a major mess, not you or your emotions or your priorities.
0 Replies
 
mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 04:39 pm
Well ive finally had a chance to honestly Speak with my Father And he's told me these Pills apparently Are EXTREMELY Strong and thats a major Reason why her condition is So terrible.

She cant Even Hold her blatter and Cant Take a single Step or Hold her head up on her own...

but my father told me It was HER CHOICE to stop drinking which Was very suprising to me....but i believe she'll still do this again....Like the last time...

uhm....right now im just trying to focus On anything but her and this situation so ive been doing yardwork,Researching local college courses i wanna take,And Working on getting my drivers license.....

I feel like im trapped in my room and its the only space that is "mine"..its a small ******* room and for the money im putting out i could have a nice place to myself where i feel Comfortable,Safe and Sane.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 05:12 pm
Mr. Hunt, I sympathize with you greatly. BUT you are not responsible for how your parents lives go.

You might want to (or not want to) reread this -
http://www.able2know.org/forums/viewtopic.php?t=116971&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=10I

I do think checking out Al Anon could be a good idea if only for a meeting or two. (I'm personally iffy on long term group things, but the AA culture has helped many people; Al Anon is an offshoot of it, for people who are dealing with alcholics.)
0 Replies
 
edgarblythe
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 05:26 pm
Is there a reason you did not speak with the doctor?
0 Replies
 
mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 05:30 pm
I Only wanted to speak with the Doctor as my father wasnt being Open with me as to The current situation.

He has since Explained the pills she's On and various other things So At the current time its just sorta a "wait and see" approach to see How much longer it takes her to detox and Whatnot....
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mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 05:32 pm
ossobuco wrote:
Mr. Hunt, I sympathize with you greatly. BUT you are not responsible for how your parents lives go.

You might want to (or not want to) reread this -
http://www.able2know.org/forums/viewtopic.php?t=116971&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=10I



Thanks for the helpful link....It was Great....I should know since Im the one Who created that topic :wink:
0 Replies
 
farmerman
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 05:40 pm
Your father is classic. He should be horsewhipped and Id suggest an intervention with him first. He needs to be placed in the mindset of what he really is, a murderer in training.
Your Mom seems helpless and needs to find out about self help. She wont do **** with an enabler at her side. hes making excuses for her and none of em make any sense.
Does he have any friends who' ll call him by the proper name.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 11 Jul, 2008 06:05 pm
Re the other thread, I'm not suggesting bail. Paying their way through unchanging despond - I don't think that's all so wise, however well meant.

Apparently there's been a change, re these new pills as some kind of detox method. (what do I know, nada.)

I agree dad is a major enabler and could use straightening out. Let me guess, he hates scenes, as many of us do. Dad and mother could use a lot of help, if getting better is a wish of both of them. But I'm not so sure Mr. Hunt is the one to be the major counselor.

Uh, all that booze costs a lot too....

I'm wondering about the doctor. Maybe he doesn't have enough information, but he seems a little slow in the helpfulness from here. I think Mr. Hunt could still talk with him.

It is hard at your age to become your parents' parent, Mr. Hunt. That happened to me in my early twenties in a different way, and is just too damned early.. I get your anger. I found out by talking with other people over the years that it isn't so rare.. just seems so.
0 Replies
 
mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 Jul, 2008 02:39 am
well i Do agree with all of You regarding my father....

He Is Always by her side and Helps her with absolutely EVERYTHING,He loves and cares for her and has ALWAYS been by her side Even when i havnt...

but at the Same time I feel this situation Wouldnt have started if he had of been more Firm in buying and serving her the rum/wine/Whatever.If he had of focused more into keeping her on her proper medication and Not drinking Then theres a very Strong chance that this wouldnt of happened.....

ive Spoken with him on this already countless times and Like ive said its always excuses Like He was Somehow powerless In getting This for her.

Well,Im Tired Of all of this and I need to Look at a really Lot Of pornography To Cool Off before bed...and then i work back to back double Shifts Saturday and Sunday...

i'll Still Look into speaking with her doctor Although Now that im aware of her situation i feel like i'll just be repating what he already knows.So I'll Speak To Him when i actually have valid Questions....I'll keep u guys updated and again thank you for your support.
0 Replies
 
mrhunt
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 Jul, 2008 02:46 am
Oh,and then this is classic.

Cause Im looking to Move Out cause of all of this (its time after all,im 21)
and my fathers giving me this big speach of how we need to stick together and its Rough times and bullshit.

And then i say How She's just gonna do this again...this is the 2nd time she's drank herself to death with his help and He's All "Oh no no!!!!!! This is the last time! She'll NEVER do it again! She's learned her LESSON!"

And I just flat out told him "Your an idiot to think that"

It seemed like alot of lies to try to appease me and keep Me From moving out....Now that i think of it it was kinda fucked.....
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sullyfish6
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 Jul, 2008 03:48 pm
Mrhunt:

Your folks are both real sick and you DO need to get out ASAP. You mother is committing slow suicide and your father is helpless/passive aggressive. Don't be angry at him. They have a mutual "dance" they are doing and you need to get out of their way.

(I really doubt if there is a detox pill here; I'd bet it's a pain pill from what you describe, your mother's organs are shutting down.)

Now here's what you do: Give both Mom and Dad a BIG KISS and tell them you love them (even if you don't) and go live in your apartment and get on with your life.

The day you put them in their pine boxes and lower them into the grave, you can say to yourself "I told them I loved them." That is ALL you can do.

This situation is WAY to big and WAY to dysfunctional for anyone to do anything now, and for your own sanity, you need to distance and detach ASAP.

Good luck. As a child of alcoholics myself, I found that if you can forgive and detach with love, then you can survive.
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