Re: Sooo....Im guessing Internet Dating actually DOESNT work
Wtf.....So im guessing the whole "internet dating" isnt Actually working for anyone? Or is it just me? Am i gonna be lonely for the rest of my life? dammit! I hate myeslfw! /Rant
I've been involved with single's sites off and on since 1993, more off than on. Before that when I was out of a committed relationship, I responded to singles ads since mid-70s. Needless to say, I've got lots of experience.
I haven't read others responses here so forgive me if there is repetition here. I've had good and bad success, but the for most part good. Craiglist is not a worthwhile or dependable place to put single or personals ad. I have had varying degrees of success with Match.com.
I have met dozens and eventually dated for more than year a person I met on Match. I have also made a lifelong friend from Match. On other sites I've met 2 women with whom I've had two 5-yr relationships.
Not only is it possible
that you can meet someone, I dare say
it's probable when you do the right things
The idea here to help ensure success is the 3 Ps:
ut yourself out there
Here are some guidelines and thoughts about dating, meeting and establishing online dating relationships:
Know ahead of time (think this out) who you want and who you don't want
. Edit thoroughly your profile before you finalize it for the online audience. change it afterwards if it isn't getting you results or it doesn't read well. Have a friend look it over for purpose of editing or opinions (including your photos).
State something insightful and specific about yourself and your prospective date
. No comments such as walking the beach, bowling, or romantic dinners unless you do them pretty often. Limit things like geographical range of partner, kids/no kids, pets/no pets, politics, religious beliefs/lack thereof, exercise habits and daily or weekend activities, Think about what REALLY matters most you.
Be humorous or entertaining somehow. Distinguish yourself
in some way so people won't glaze over.
Read other's profile..both men's and women's
. If you don't read them, you won't know your audience's needs and you won't know your competition.
but do tell meaning full info about yourself.
Be positive or sound positive in your ad
. Then work to make yourself more positive. Nothing is sexier than a positive, confident, sincere person.
Be specific enough
without sounding too absurd. If your not clear, you won't find suitable partner for your needs. If your not sure make out a list of must-haves and not-haves. if you don't want a non-smoker or someone without kids at home, make sure you state it or select that.
Change your ad text and pix periodically. Change or add good pix
(clear, non-distracting, good color..smiling..no sunglasses...and where you are at least half of the picture or MORE. No pix of ex-partners..and no cropped out or removed partners. Put recent pix in the ad and get news ones that look like you. Avoid scenics of Grand Canyon or just ones of your dog/pet. People want to see you, not where you have been unless you're in it.
Respond to ads in a cordial, friendly manner. Be self-disclosing
without dwelling on your life story. Careful about mentioning exes in a negative light, no matter what. Certainly you don't want to put exes down.
Mention them briefly..and generally. Don't dwell too much on sad events. We've all had sad stuff -- some worse than others. Save the details of sad stories for a time when you know each other longer and you know more about their lives.
Don't dominate the conversation..or talk about yourself exclusively at the expense of the other
. Remember others really want to talk about themselves and sometimes avoid that or too shy. Find that out. Find ways f balancing the convo. Lear how to share the spotlight.
Arrange to meet in a neutral place that both of you can hear one another and with which both feel comfy. Try to make it half way between your residences if that's workable.
Time limit first 'coffee-meeting' (not a date) to an hour or so as this is wise for both. Then perhaps you can make a REAL date for immediate future if things are working out. Talk on phone in between, possibly. Sometimes people have trouble with saying no face-to-face. Give someone a chance to think things over so that you won't be avoided (phone tag...or no responses).
Sometimes people's lives change
, minds change about romance and/or readiness for dating, or job/life circumstances change in a short timeframe. Sometimes people TEST you! (consciously or unconsciously). Don't get trapped
by that. Sorry if this seems a bit odd logic, but 'Let them off the hook'
and don't dwell on it too much. If you like them, leave the door open for them to return. If you don't like them, then no sense fretting or getting angry or being resentful. Don't be a doormat, but don't get worked up too much.
When you get discouraged (and you will), take a break
- week, a month, 3 months - whatever it takes to regenerate the energy. After all, sooner or later if you don't get too scarred up, you will meet someone and take the chance. This, unlike job hunting, exposes your heart and inner emotions. It's not easy grounds to tread on or to be taken lightly. Needless to say, avoid all that treat it lightly or are inconsiderate to you or others (like their own family/friends).