almost raped last night and still in love with a married guy

Wow, you're a therapist? didn't you say you're 25, or am I remembering wrong?

You must be a really driven person to have gotten to have an actual "career" established at such a young age, it seems to me--but maybe that's just coming from the perspective of being 28 and only just finished my BA...but anyway, point being, good God, don't you think maybe you need a break from school?? That schedule sounds unbearable. I think you need to knock that **** off for a while. Seriously, you must have been in school for so long already. What about a year off to decompress? To me, your schedule alone is cause for depression...

(just an aside, my husband is going to be taking organic chemistry next semester, I've heard allll about how hellish that is!)

I'm curious why, if you suffer depression, you are putting yourself around depressed people all the time, and having to empathise with them? Surely there's another line of work (similar principle with marriage counsellors - I'm told they have a very high percentage of divorces)

You are familiar with what happens with a lot of physchiatric doctors/nurses when they stay too long around lots of mentally ill people?

You are familiar with the concept that people become happier around happy people, and sadder around sad people, madder around mad people etc?

You are familiar with what happens when you repress/ignore your feelings (like you have to do around the people you are treating - that it's for a professional reason is irrelevant)?

LostGirl811 wrote:

WOAH, now, Mame, generally i get what youre saying, but emotionally healthy people get raped all the time. If everyone knew someone was a bad seed off the bat date rape woudnt exist. This guy was a perfect gentleman from the moment I met him a couple weeks earlier, the whole night, and only at the end of the night when we took the cab home did anything surface. So im mildly insulted....I may have some issues, but so do alot of people and I didn't "ask" for it.

I'm sorry, I wasn't clear enough. I was talking more about the types of dates you've been having, and shouldn't have specified just the one. It's just that it was so recent and I think your spidey-senses were out of whack or you'd have picked up on more than what you did.

LostGirl811 wrote:

Anyway, on to other things. Im not asking anyone to tell me what Im doing is ok. I know it's not , and I know its not good for me, and I know it'll never make me happy because it'll never go anywhere, but there are plenty of intelligent, sane, normal people that make bad decisions, and they are not all disturbed for it. I do everything in my life the "right" way, I take care of everyone, I go out of my way for people, i work in a good job, despite my not enjoying it, I'm highly educated, I went back to school, and my life is very stressful right now. Maybe that shouldn't be an excuse for finding momentary solace with a married man, but at the moment it is.

Sorry, again, but intelligent sane normal people do not participate in a dead-end relationship for years on end. We have more self-esteem than that. Now, I'm not here to pick on you, but you do not do everything in your life the "right" way, since you're involved in this dead-end relationship. I'm not commenting on you; I'm just observing the facts as you told them. And good for you that you see your stress is an excuse for your behaviour, but actually, it's just adding to it.

LostGirl811 wrote:

No I dont like the feeling I have when he leaves to go home to his wife. When he was going around work showing his baby's sonogram pictures to people when i still worked there I felt like running out crying. But I do hope you can understand why someone who is so massively stressed out all the time, and has barely two seconds to herself every day, might make these bad decisions, because even though she knows it sucks in the long run, she wants, and perhaps needs, at least just a few hours a week where she can geninly feel happy for at least that brief period. It doesnt make sense maybe, and its very easy to judge when you arent experiencing those feelings.

I see this as justification for continuing in a dead-end relationship. What's wrong with loving yourself?

And if you're just ranting, that's fine. I wished I'd known that in the beginning.

Best of luck to you.

we create our schedule and our environment for the most part, you choose your work and being so busy. You might not see that yet, my wife is a work-aholic, and it took a long time for her to understand that she chooses to do that to herself and to see that she was doing it to avoid dealing with her issues. It may well make sense for you to keep these hours and to work with depressed people as a means to an end, with the end in sight, with a clear path to a better situation. But you have to be able to see the finish line, how many more years of this do you intend to put yourself through?

Given the rest I would not worry about your relationship issues....use married man to help you get through this period and on to something better, don't beat yourself up about it. He is using you as well, we all use each other so there is nothing novel about this. You need to have a clear path out if this mess that will work before you become totally burned out/used up. If you don't know what this is figure it out, now.

LostGirl, I give up. I don't mean to sound rude, but you do seem to like to recount your tales of misery. As if you enjoyed it almost.
I've heard many reasons from you why nothing is possible, but nothing constructive as of yet. I don't see you wanting to even try.

Good luck with everything.

dagmaraka wrote:

LostGirl, I give up. I don't mean to sound rude, but you do seem to like to recount your tales of misery. As if you enjoyed it almost.
I've heard many reasons from you why nothing is possible, but nothing constructive as of yet. I don't see you wanting to even try.

Good luck with everything.

Dag.

I do appreciate what everyone says. if I didnt I wouldnt really bother posting on here anyway.

I said it somewhere in there, its lost in the fray.....I don't mean to be so nagative (or negative, but maybe that typo makes sense) but that's how I've been a long time now. I keep it to myself generally, so its all poured out here instead, I guess.

I sat in my room on saturday and cried hysterically for three hours straight. Wasn't sure why I started. I get those spells alot.

It's not enjoying the misery, it's more one of those subconscious things where maybe if you talk it to death it'l go away. Sort of like when you say the same word over and over and over and over it starts to not make sense anymore and sort of just dies away..

That is, unfortunately, one of the annoying things about depression. You become horribly pessemistic and it seems to others this really annoying trait that "oh, that person is impossible, its like she enjoys being miserable". I dont. But sometimes , when you've been like this for so long, you forget sometimes how to be any other way. It's to the point where you become feeling so horrible about yourself that youre looking for things to make you feel like you arent really this miserable person that you feel you've become.

And then you even get told you suck when you come to a message board to dish out your problems, and it re-affirms your suspicions that maybe you do just suck.

Sorry to have "annoyed" you.

Vikor, Im not sure I agree with your suggestion. One thing I do pride myself in is my caring nature. I got into this field precisely because mentally ill people tend to be very misunderstood by the general population. Do you suggest that all the sad, sick, depressed , mad people of the world should be shunned and untreated, because if you "stick around them" too long you'll become depressed yourself? No, I don't surround myself with depressed people . It's my job. I took it because I wanted to help people. I still want to help people, but Im trying to change the career path a little so that I can have a bit more autonomy as a physican.