Re: Is this a good idea for revenge?
I think we're all missing the big issue here -- i.e. the proposed e-mail is a mess. Choppy sentences, no transitions, obvious grammatical mistakes, questionable logic -- we need to fix it!
"Nancy is the lover of Shad.
Awkward. Replace with "Nancy is Shad's lover." They work in the Sulads card house together. They spend much time together- sometimes all day.
This needs a transition: "They work together in the Sulads card house, and they spend a lot of time together -- sometimes all day." She is older than him- she's 20 years old and she's already in college.
Pointing out that she's 20 already alerts the parents that she's older than Shad -- after all, you're talking to the parents, they should know how old their kid is (even if he's adopted). Replace with: "Nancy is 20 and in college." She is a Manobo and a graduate of Sulads comprehensive high school. She is very flirty and she always tries to behave seductive.
"Seductively." Use an adverb to modify a verb. She has other boyfriends too but Shad is her most serious love interest. Nancy is very sexually aggressive. Nancy is very sexually aggressive.
I think we can do without the repetition here. She has a powerful influence on Shad. She is the dominant one in their relationship.
Choppy. "She is a powerful influence on Shad and is the dominant one in their relationship." (Last April-
No need for a hyphen here Shad had another girlfriend but he broke up with her to strengthen the relationship with Nancy. He says "I only want Nancy as my girl now."
I'm assuming that you're the "cellphone girlfriend," right? If so, to whom did Shad say this? Certainly not to you -- you learned all of this from Shad's brother. Nancy also bullied the other girl. Shad didn't get physical with the other girl because they were only talking to each other through the cellphone.
You were Shad's girlfriend, even though you two only talked on the cellphone? I'm skeptical, and I imagine Shad's parents will be equally dubious. Perhaps you should just drop these references to this relationship -- it's not necessary, it doesn't add any color to the story, it's part of a long, awkward parenthetical, and it's a pretty good clue that you are the aggrieved former girlfriend. But Shad is certainly getting physical with Nancy)
"Getting physical" is rather vague. Revenge letters -- good revenge letters -- shouldn't be vague. I suggest "But Shad is certainly doing the humpy dance with Nancy." Just ask Bony (shad's older brother)
I don't think there should be the need to point out to Shad's parents that Bony is his older brother. They've probably already figured that one out. about this. He knows about the relationship between Nancy and Shad.
And he also knows about the relationship between you and Shad. You might want to add that. I just think Shad's parents should know about this. I know his parents
Wait a minute, isn't this being sent to his parents? No need to refer to them in the third person. forbid him to have a girlfriend
Well, that policy doesn't seem to be working too well. but he and Nancy have been sneaking.
Sneaking? Is that some sort of regionalism? I think "sneaking around" is the correct phrase. This email is from an anonymous person!)
The fact that the e-mail isn't signed should be a tip-off that it's from an anonymous person. Saying that it's from an anonymous person doesn't make it more anonymous. ***END OF EMAIL****
Mariceloverthere wrote:How does that sound? Is this a good idea?
I think it's a brilliant idea -- practically fool-proof.
