affairs are not always black/white when kids are involved...

Somewhat new, but I have a tendency to ramble so bear with me. Please, no insults as to the immorality of cheating, that isn't the question I'm asking....

Anyway, Several years ago , I met a man at my old job. He happened to be my boss. We got along as friends, I thought he was attractive but when I found out he was married, quickly dismissed the idea of anything being possible. One night, as it seems to happen, we went out with some co workers, everyone else went home early, me and him decided to have another beer, and chatted. He started rambling about how his wife was a wonderful person and a fabulous mother, but that there was no spark between them whatsoever. In my semi-drunken state I somewhere later in the conversation told him I thought he was cute, then started stuttering apologies for hitting on my boss. He smiled and said there was a mutual attraction. After a moment, he kissed me. we looked at each other shocked, went to my car, and sat there just kissing for a few minutes. I didn't sleep with him that night, because I told him I thought he would regret this in the morning when he was sober. He text messaged me th next morning to tell me the only thing he regretted was not being able to spend more time with me. we spent the next year , nearly, flirting, stealing kisses at work, nothing too crazy. It was more of an emotional affair, as we only slept together once. I left the job though, because I couldn't handle the emotions, hearing other people ask him about the new house him and his wife were buying, or hearing about the new pregnancy. We didn't speak for quite some tiem after I left for a new job, but eventually we started chatting again, friendly, casual lunches in public, etc. Eventaully he started coming by my apartment to sayhello, and stil nothing would happen. We'd just sit and hug and talk and maybe at most kiss here and there. He was usually too guilty-feeling most of the time to do anything more, even from the beginning. Andd even though his wife almost found out about us, twice, and they had a bad period at home where she barely spoke to him because of it, and he freaked out that she'd divorce him and take his kids, he still speaks to me. Even today when I saw him, he mentioned how he never though of himself as the type of person to cheat and it makes him feel horribly guilty but for some reason he still wants to see me. And its not just about sex, because for almost four years it wasnt sex, it was hugging, kissing, talking and just being near each other for a few stolen moments. But a couple of weeks ago we did sleep together, and then again a week later, and its killing me inside everytime he leaves.

i would never ask him to leave his family, his kids, for me. Strangely enough my own father cheated on my mother and ended up marrying his mistress. It was hard on me at first but I think I got over it eventually as all people do with divorced parents, but when I think about his kids and his wife, who I honestly believe to be a nice , normal woman, I hold no ill-will, i feel bad, but it is so hard when you are in love with someone this much.

I'm not even sure why I'm posting as Im sure most responses will involve people telling me me and him are immoral idiots who should jsut end it, and maybe you are right, but that doesn't make it any easier of a thing to do. I dont think he can stand the thought of not seeing his children daily and living with him, honestly. If they didnt have kids I think it might have been different, but he does, and as is the title of my posting, children change the whole situation.

One day children will grow up and leave the house. Does tht mean a person should sacrifice their own youth staying married to smeone they are not in love with just so they don't uproot the family? It is not an easy decision to make. And I dont think he's planning on changing the family dynamic anytime soon. He likes being able to go home, see his kids, tuck them in, but after they are asleep he wishes he had someone there that cared about being affectionate to him which his wife apaprently is not. Yes, he made his bed by marrying and having children with her.....I guess that means he should stay where he is.

It's not like I don't think I'll ever find anyone again, I've had other relationships in this time, but no one that's made me feel quite this same way. How bloody depressing....I don't even know what to write anymore so I'll leave this incessant rambling for now and come back later should I think of anything new.

I guess more than advice I was hoping to hear other people's situations who might have been in a situation similiar to my own. Im sure there are alot of them out there..... oh, and I probably forgot to mention, but me and him are relatively young....me only 25, him only 32, and I think he's been married about, oh, 6-7 years or so. his children are both under 5 years old.

I guess I just find it sad in a way. It is so rare, to find someone special with whom you can be yourself and they've seen almost every side of you and still love you, and I torture myself that I feel this way about someone who is married with children.

Sucks.