My second date in 4 years...

martybarker wrote:

I don't know, maybe I'm carrying on something deeper from my marriage. I just feel that there was such a deep lack of respect from the person I felt closest to. I just left last night thinking that this guy must have had such little respect for me to think that I was willing to move so fast.

It wasn't a question of respect Marty. You could have been The Virgin Mary and he would have given it his best shot. I lived in Italy for a summer and found that Italian men assumed that because I was from the US that I was easy. I was easy, but not that easy. One minute they would be giving me directions to the train station, the next they were asking if I would like to go behind the gelato stand for a little make out session. It could be a handsome young student or an old geezer herding goats - they all assumed luck was on their side and their Italian charm was irresistible.

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Well I guess it's situational then. I just wasn't feeling the immediate sexual tension and wasn't comfortable with how assertive he was in such a public place.

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Noddy24 wrote:

Dadpad--

You are a dirty old opportunist.

Or possibly not.

Sitting here safely on the otherside of a computer screen half way round the world.

If you want sex tell him. If you want to get to know him a little before sex tell him that.

Men are thick as two short planks when it comes to sex.

He's not the one for a long term meaningful relationship with a classy woman like you marty, but theres nothing wrong with a grease and oil change occasionally.

Do you have your own condoms?

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martybarker wrote:

Well I guess it's situational then. I just wasn't feeling the immediate sexual tension and wasn't comfortable with how assertive he was in such a public place.

No big deal.

It's his fault, he wasn't paying much attention to your signals, or lack of. Guy needs to be more tactful. Sexual tension is a very fun & powerful tool that can be purposely built up...he forgot the "pull" part of the push & pull game.

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martybarker wrote:

But I'm looking for a substantial relationship.

a few practice dates on the way there might not be a bad idea

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Oh, I did say that didn't I.

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Hey, this is a good thing. Encountering the eager hands early on.

You shed a little bit of your inhibitions and any old baggage hanging on with each of these kind of hell dates. lol.

Ok, not everyone's version of hell. Point is, good practice run. You are that much closer to knowing exactly what you want, and don't want, and knowing that is half way to finding it.

Can't wait to hear about your next adventure! Are you having fun yet?! Laughing

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I guess I can say that I had a rebound "friend" shortly after my divorce, what I want is to have a companion to hang out with and have fun with but also maintain a certain level of respect with. Right now I'm not seeking out a one night stand.

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I think that was a cultural incompatibility, marty. European men are usually
very affectionate and touchy in public, especially Italians. It has nothing
to do with respect, that's just how they are.

I get a sense of you feeling disappointed and irritable. Don't be!
Consider it a compliment that Mr. Italia was so smitten by you that he
couldn't take his eyes and hands off you.

It's a good thing that should make you feel irresistible, not irritable.

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Marty,

You needa find something that YOU enjoy doing, that has other folks (attractive to you guys) around, and maybe a girlfriend to play wingwoman...

He will find you, if you are happy and relaxed. (he being a worthwhile adventure, maybe not "the one") :wink:

RH

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Marty--

Are you into politics? This is an election year and the Democrats, the Republicans--and probably the Naderites--will be looking for grass roots workers.

Lots more men than women turn out to change the world.

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oh, the inappropriately affectionate in public part would have turned me off too....

Like slappy said, the sexual tension, push/pull game can be fun.... if both of you are attracted to each other.

I wouldn't want to be groped in public, especially on a first date, but, if the meaning is clear through more subtle messages that we'd both like to get somewhere private, that's different.

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Oh crap! I wish I had noticed this thread earlier! Sorry, I've been mostly concerned with my own ****.

WTF is going on here. It's like a hand curse.

I can't get a girl to hold my hand, and your Roman had a roamin' hand. When it comes to hands, we never seem to get what we want!

BTW, I'm glad you tried. It's easy to be cynical, but to take a chance and endure the frogs in attempt to find love is admirable.

Do us a favor though, next time you think of Rome, just go rent a Vespa for a day. Very Happy

T
K
O

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Diest TKO, There you are!

I really had mixed feelings of how things went, but as the next day progressed the more angry I got. This was a pretty upsetting situation. I just want to be out meeting new people and experiencing new things and this interesting guy comes along and has one thing on his mind.
I just hope that someday some nice guy will come along and actually be interested in knowing who I am and that a great romance will blossom from a new friendship.

This guy even emailed me the next day saying what a lovely time he had and that he'd like to see me again. He totally ignored the signals I sent him as well as the point blank verbals. WTF?

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martybarker wrote:

I just hope that someday some nice guy will come along and actually be interested in knowing who I am and that a great romance will blossom from a new friendship.

The distant sound of a chugging tractor is heard.

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Slappy Doo Hoo wrote:

martybarker wrote:
Well I guess it's situational then. I just wasn't feeling the immediate sexual tension and wasn't comfortable with how assertive he was in such a public place.

No big deal.

It's his fault, he wasn't paying much attention to your signals, or lack of. Guy needs to be more tactful. Sexual tension is a very fun & powerful tool that can be purposely built up...he forgot the "pull" part of the push & pull game.

Slappy, I appreciate your support. I think I was imagining things going a lot differently.

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martybarker wrote:

This guy even emailed me the next day saying what a lovely time he had and that he'd like to see me again. He totally ignored the signals I sent him as well as the point blank verbals. WTF?

I'm not sure that he ignored them so much as didn't necessarily understand the message. I think cjane's right, there was a cultural mismatch going on.

You've also reported some communication mismatches on other threads - ex/colleagues etc.

Sounds like more practicing's in order.

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Marty, you took the first step. That is the hardest. Now you can go out and pick and choose.

Lots of good advice. Do remember that Francis is not a frog in the way you meant. He can also help you with excellent advice. Slappy's post was, to me, very wise, leaving you with self-respect and good expectations.

The sound of a chugging tractor means that Gus will soon be there to recue a maiden in distress. Please direct him to the nearest maiden...

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gustavratzenhofer wrote:

martybarker wrote:
I just hope that someday some nice guy will come along and actually be interested in knowing who I am and that a great romance will blossom from a new friendship.

The distant sound of a chugging tractor is heard.

:wink:

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eh Beth,

You're right, practice is definitely in order. I'm still trying to work up the courage to post the details that made me feel so upset.

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My second date in 4 years...

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