HOW DO YOU ENRICH YOUR SOCIAL SKILLS? PLEASE HELP !

Sure can. Just thank me later when you're getting more ass than you know what to do with.

Slappy, I think they are interested in females...

I hang out here on A2K and let liberals punch me in the stomach all day. Hey, it works for me.

Exactly. Practice, practice, practice - and not just with cute girls. Practice meeting all kinds of people. If you work on your communications skills with people who you don't think are cute and adorable (etc.), then you won't be tied up with the whole emotional/confidence thing. E. g. you won't be so worried about having the cute person like you. Practice instead on meeting anyone and everyone. Talk to the mailman. Say hi to your neighbors when you're out for a walk. Like Slappy says, say hello to waitresses and sales reps. Some people hate the attention, some love it, many are neutral to it. But at least you'll be able to get past the "I can't talk to anyone" stage. And you'll see what works. What's funny? What's trite? What's annoying? Which subjects get people to open up? Which get them to clam up? Saying the wrong thing to a person waiting with you for the bus isn't a big problem. So you said the wrong thing. Big deal. Strike out when it doesn't matter and you'll learn how to not strike out when it does matter.

what Jespah said is really good. Especially the bit about 'not just the cute ones' - value people for themselves and make the not so cute ones feel good too - you sound as though you think you are in that category! :wink: make their day

thank you everybody but my question was more about just ingeneral
how do you get your social skills up as knowing what to say and when to say it i mean yea to girls i get shy around girls beautiful once i feel what if iget rejected and the only thing i can say is hey u pretty they giggle and say well thanks so are you but then they just keep going i want to talk to them i want there number not just thanks you too i mean come on anything else? but thanks i will definitely try your things.

Oh! Dialogue! That's what you mean.

1) Talk to yourself. Just connect your brain straight to your mouth and say whatever's going on without even thinking about it.
Best to practice alone, while watching TV or driving a car, or at the grocery store. "Damn these oranges are old! Now where'd they put the pizza? Mmm, I should get somma that".

Pretend you're a ditzy blonde, don't think, pause or censor anything. Just whatever. Be yourself, out loud, with only yourself around.


2) Now accidentally do this with somebody around.
If they look at you like you're psychotic, turn to them and say "Well, that's right! It's true." Smiling then makes you invincible.
More likely they'll just overhear you, and maybe comment back if they feel like it.

Before you know it, you'll be yourself while in the presence of other people. And they will like it. Because you won't be fake.



If they want to talk with you, that's fine, otherwise just walk away.
'Course that's just a theory. It's the same theory that says if you
crave and need love, then learn to love yourself from inside,
and your love for the world will color everything you see and do.

Socialize with yourself first, then your social-ness will spill all around you.
Hmmm... time to experiment.



(I hate the plans, strategies and manipulation. Here, you won't be doing and saying phony things just because someone's there and you want something from them. You'll just be yourself, however goofy, clumsy, angry, smart or funny you happen to be that day). I dunno just an idea.

Great point! Always wear a smile!

So first you say you're having trouble just talking to people, you need to improve your social skills, ect. Now you want the secret to getting numbers? You've got to realize, you'll get rejected...so don't worry about what to say. And accept the fact you'll get rejected. You can always look back and laugh. There's no perfect lines. I used to wonder the same thing. Just come across like you're confident, fun, and don't be clingy on the girl. Like Craven said, show some disinterest, and once you've got some rapport built up, then be flirty. Treat her like she's your bratty little sister. Tease her(not mean), and just have fun.
As far as getting her number, just ask for it. "Hey, it was great talking to you....let me give you a call sometime. If you're lucky, I won't phone stalk you by calling you every 5 minutes to see what you're up to." I usually only ask for girl's numbers when I can sense she's at least somewhat attracted. She'll laugh at things you say, keep eye contact, and if you're in a group of people, she'll pay more attention to you. But hey, you might want to just practice. Another thing: don't be afraid to "practice" on ugly chicks. For one, you won't really care if she rejects you, and two, you get used to asking for numbers, so when it comes to asking an attractive girl, it's more like second nature.

I couldn't resist clicking onto this forum when I saw Slappy's name as the last poster. He makes me laugh. So my advise to you on how to enrich your social skills, learn how to communicate like Slappy. c.i.

It's not PC, but read Dale Carnegie' How to Win Friends and Influence People".

When you have something to say, then say it. If you haven't anything to say, anything you utter will be nothing more than puffs of air. Trying to establish a lasting relationship in a bar, or at a party of strangers, is tough. At best you might get a roll in the hay, but then it won't probably be because of your witty repartee.

Be sincere, be real. Sincerity can't be faked, at least not for long. We all have anxieties, and when a stranger is clearly insincere, we bolt. Plain honesty builds trust, and encourages those around us to "let down their barriers". Shallow pickup lines will usually only work on the hopelessly vacuous, or the person who is also just looking for a quickie.

Instead of trolling the local meat markets, hangout instead in those places that offer what you really enjoy. If you like art, you have a better chance of finding someone to share your interests at a local museum than in the Club Hotchagottcha. Like to fish, compare lures with the lass with a fishing pole standing next to you on the wharf. Painters and poets seldom find crowds in their workplace, but most people spend most of their day with fellow workers, get to know them. Engage in at least one random act of kindness everyday.

I know that in young people your hormonal imperative is to have sexs as often as possible so the following is probably wasted advice. Relax. Sex is just another aspect of life. Don't let a little bit of skin, and an hours entertainment, dominate your life and thoughts. When it happens, it happens. If sex happens to be with someone you truly care about, it will be much more satisfying and enjoyable. Sharing time and experience is the bedrock of relationships, and, though you may not realize it yet, it is the relationship that you really crave. To be loved. To be held and protected againsts the harsh blows of reality. Find that someone who you can share comfort with, and then you are ready for a commitment.

Love isn't the thrill of the ultimate orgasm, so much as it is the degree to which you are willing to "put up with" the flaws and failings of your partner. No one is perfect, and when the bloom begins to fade there has to be something left to fall back on if the relationship is to continue. When the sex act becomes predictable, your partner's faults begin to wear. Small things, like leaving the cap off of the toothpaste for two hundred and ten consecutive mornings can become unbelievably annoying. If a habit of speech, like "ya know wha'I mean", is annoying by the third date, it can cause you to seriously consider murder after ten years.

I suppose the short of what I'm trying to say is that build meaningful relationships, and the rest will take care of itself.

Hi Ashman, long time no see. Glad to see you're still active on A2K. c.i.

I try to stop by when I can. These days I'm mostly focused on painting. When I'm painting I don't write much, and when writing I don't paint much. Paint in the Summer, write in the Winter.

At the moment we are also distracted by a catastrophe here at Corazon. Our entire lower floor was flooded with 18000 gallons of water. The water was four inches deep across the entire 1500 sq. feet on that level. Carpets and paneling damaged beyond repair. We lost a few books from the library and a whole lot of Japanese prints, but it could have been worse.

The insurance (whose premiums we've whined about forever) will pay for most of the recovery. A bunch of industrial size blowers and dehumidifiers have been working around the clock for the last ten days. Walls are torn up, and this weekend they will tear out the cabinets behind the bar and in the bathroom. Our books are in storage, and most of the furniture will have to go into storage after being refinished. We expect the construction to go on for between six and eight weeks. Ouch.

On the up side, the guestrooms will be entirely rennovated in the process.

Get laid as much as you can.

Learn to play the game, so you can get laid.

Have fun. Get laid.

What's not PC about Carnegie? Nuthin' wrong with it as long as you update some of the more antiquated advice.

Ashman, Sorry to hear about your losses. It's painful with personal treasures are lost forever, but one must always put it into perspectdive when our health is good. At least, your insurance will help in many ways to repair your home. When construction people tell you six to eight weeks, add a few more weeks to that; most of them never meet deadlines. c.i.

Mister E Thoughts - just a quick suggestion - but asking someone open-ended questions about themselves (ie cannot be answered by a yes or no) and then really LISTENING - is often a good starter- Aim at keeping THEM talking, rather than you, at first, is a good conversation starter - if you are a little shy, then the more they talk, the more likely you are to find they say something you can bounce off and enjoy talking about, too.

thanks dlowan thanks a lot that sounds good

thanks ash you the best you difintely understand young people haha man little skin does really drive me wild girls are like candy especially the young once man it's soo hard very hard.

I don't have an answer for you, ET, other than -- just force yourself to say something and don't worry if it sounds stupid. But the fact that you can even ask questions about this is a sign that you are a "with it" person.

I do have this to offer:

When I was young -- I was probably one of the shiest guys in existence. I was insecure to an almost absurd point.

At some point -- I suspect it was in my mid-30's, everything just changed. I didn't do anything to change things -- they just changed.

Now I am one of the most extroverted individuals around -- and I start conversations on checkout lines and in restaurant queues.

My guess: You'll grow out of it.

But what to do on a temporary basis -- ehhh...just force yourself to say "Hi, what's happenin'?"

Let the conversation take itself wherever it wants to.

Or let the "Hi" and a smile be enough. Don't start a conversation - just show that you are a friendly person saying hello.

Do it often -- and the other party will start some conversation -- and the rest is a snap.