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Mom finds alcohol, sells son's car

 
 
Charli
 
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 09:04 am
Have you seen this news item? Surprised Smile [/color]

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22578679/from/ET/?gt1=10755
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Type: Discussion • Score: 4 • Views: 6,906 • Replies: 45
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 09:13 am
No, I had not seen this before. I am ambivalent on this one. If the boy had been 16 or 17 I would have applauded what the mother did. At 19, I am not so sure. He is an adult. I don't even know whether the mother even had the right to sell her son's car, unless the car was bought and paid for by her, and was in her name.

On the other hand, if the ad gave some other young people pause, it was probably a good thing.
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 09:30 am
What if it was not in her name, but he was on her insurance for a cost break?
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Gargamel
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 09:36 am
Her son should now steal a car.
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TTH
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 09:53 am
I read it and I think it is great what she did. Btw the article did say:

"She says she set two rules when she bought the car at Thanksgiving: No booze, and always keep it locked."

She bought it, set the rules, rules were broken so she sold it.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 01:44 pm
I have something to say on this, but my nails are wet.

Be back later.
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Amigo
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 02:10 pm
She had to sale the car. She has to enforce consequences on her sons actions for her sons own protection and so he won't grow up to be a f#@k up.

Nip this in the bud.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 02:16 pm
And is she bought the car, it probably is on her insurance. His driving, if under the influence, could very well affect her insurance rates.

Admitting I did not check out the link.
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roger
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 02:18 pm
Long time; no see, Charli. Welcome back.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 02:20 pm
I don't agree at all with the method this mother took.

She is using shaming as a disciplinary technique, which only grows a shamed person.

What exactly did this mother accomplish?

We're talking about a 19 year old man here, albeit still living under his parents roof.

I cringe to think of other times during this 19 year old life where mom felt it necessary to tell the "world" about her childs failures, under the guise of "I'll show him"

We would be shocked it a mother stood in front of her and her childs peers, let's say when he was 7, and announced..."Little Johnny can't go on a the field trip because ran across the street without looking both ways, and could have been killed"

or we'd be equally weirded out if a woman stood in front of everyone and made some similar announcement about a friend of hers, or her spouse, or her own siblings or parents.

But it's okay to treat her adult son like some sort of possession?

I could see a mother taking away privileges from a 7 year old for misbehaving. I can see the mother selling the car that she paid for when her son didn't live up to his part of the agreement. But to take a private matter into the streets like this?

What did this woman accomplish exactly besides some perverted feeling of superiority?

I doubt the 19 year old, who is old enough to fight and die for his country, vote, and marry, is appreciative of this. I also don't think he'll look back on this in 20 years and say his mother provided a good lesson.

In 6 months or a year, this man will buy his own car, hopefully be living on his own, and won't have to worry about someone taking out an ad regarding his personal shortcomings.

Also, I don't think other teenagers would read this ad and take a warning lesson from this. They'll just laugh and say...."what a dweeb"

Then again, that was the mothers intent...to shame her son and make him look like a child, when he is not.
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TTH
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 02:22 pm
Amigo wrote:
She had to sale the car. She has to enforce consequences on her sons actions for her sons own protection and so he won't grow up to be a f#@k up.

Nip this in the bud.
Even though all 5 of us kids had to buy our own cars, my parents had 2 rules. One was that they were listed as co-owners until we were 18 and the other is that we have insurance. My brother skipped an insurance payment and my parents sold his car.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 02:33 pm
My take is similar to Chai's, and the ad content strikes me as the straw for the camel re the shaming.

Even without the ad I'm given pause.

We don't know if the son had anything to drink.
Maybe it was just the friend and his problem. Maybe not.

I grew up with a teetotalling mother who nearly threw both my father and me out of the house, not kidding, when he bought a six pack of beer back when I was about 19 and still living at home so I could go to the university nearby. Her strong vehemence didn't stop me from having a manhattan with my friends on my 21st birthday. I tried never to drive under the influence. Did only once, years later, after having some lemonade, or was it limeade, at the lab with some alcohol in it. Hah, from an absolute alcohol bottle (that's near 100%). Not my idea, but I drank it, mmm. Also drove once after ingesting some delicious brownies. But it wasn't my mother that made me watch it with driving, it was my own need for control.

Seems an abrupt action to me, and an obnoxious way of affecting the son's behavior.

Maybe there is more to this, re some history of problems with the son and self control. If I were him, my key effort after this would be to get out of her control in my life.
0 Replies
 
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 02:49 pm
I agree with Chai in terms of the ad- the mother was just trying to be funny and get reinforcement for her action at the expense of her son- if she was sure of herself and her decision- that just wasn't necessary.

But I do agree with the action - maybe not actually SELLING the car - unless she needed the money and then, hey- it's hers to sell.

But at the very least, I've had held onto his license until he had convinced me he wasn't drinking and driving OR even riding in a car with anyone who was drinking- even if he was the person driving.

There've been studies that show that teenagers get in so many more accidents (even when alcohol is not involved) because they are more distractable. And the more people in the car- the more likely an accident is to happen. And if you're an inexperienced teenaged driver who has a drunk passenger - think of all the distractions inherent in that situation.

We lived in England when it became legal for my son to drink at 16 and drive at l7. He never got his driver's license there (even though he begged for it and all his friends were getting their's- two of them crashed a car within two weeks- luckily no one was hurt) because he consistently came home from being out with his friends with alcohol on his breath. I told him, "No way can I let you get a license to drive when I KNOW you are drinking. What would I say to the family of the people you may kill on your way home, "I knew he was drinking or driving with people who drank, but I gave him a license and a car to do it in anyway?" No way.

This woman may have shamed her son, but she also may have saved his life - and the lives of several of her fellow Iowan's by making this point so emphatically.

*My son has his license now because he's underage to drink here in the US and it hasn't been an issue at all.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 03:00 pm
I don't know that he is any less likely to drink and drive now than he would have been by other means than selling the car. Certainly he's kicked back into little boy mode rather than discussing adult mode.
0 Replies
 
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 03:56 pm
I don't know about you - but when I didn't have my own car to drive, I drove alot less than when I did.

I agree the mom treated this boy like a child by airing his indiscretions to the whole world, but taking the car away wasn't unreasonable in my opinion.

She has to be answerable to her own conscience. If she knows he may be engaging in something that's not safe and she doesn't take whatever action she can take to avoid him hurting himself or anyone else, she'll regret that forever.

That's teaching him an adult lesson- letting him see that sometimes adults have to make hard decisions with the information they have. It would have been treating him like a child to slap his wrist and act as if he was three and on a tricycle instead of nineteen and behind the wheel of a two thousand pound machine that can kill people.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 04:09 pm
Well, the combo of taking it away and making it not only shaming big news but also keeping the ad going after the car is sold is giving me a clue that this mom may not be ms. sanity. She might be right about taking it away - put in storage? - but the scenario as it is doesn't make me think he will be improving without some bitterness that may not be helpful as a rung up into adulthood.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 04:58 pm
I can't speak to the arrangment this woman and her adult son had re consequences of driving the car with alcohol in it.

Since she bought the car, that's between them what had been arranged. I personally have no problem with her taking her car back....unless it had been a gift and put under his name (can't remember what the story said)

2000 pound piece of machinery that can kill aside....we all have to grow up sometime.

we have all sat behind the wheel of this killing machine, and have all been the cause of someone elses anxiety while in the learning mode.

But, it's necessary with many things to go solo regardless of our less than perfect skills, or else risk being perpetually under someones thumb.

Life's a dangerous proposition.
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aidan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 05:22 pm
I agree this mother does sound somewhat oppressive in terms of making her point. She could have made it with alot less fanfare.

All I can tell you is that sometimes parenting a teenager puts a person in situations they've never thought they'd be in...and when you see your child about to do something that might hurt him or her - you'd do anything to stop it- or at least I would. If I saw my son about to get into a car drunk and drive - I'd lay down in front of the wheels to stop him if I had to...no exaggeration.

I don't call that having him under my thumb - I call that a mother's instinct to protect her child. And as far as stopping dialogue- yeah- again, I would never have done what this mother did as far as the newspaper ad went. But when your child sees that you would do anything to keep him or her safe - they start to believe you might really have their best interests at heart - and alot of times they come back months later and say, "You know - when you did that, I was so pissed off, but now that I really think about it - I understand why you did it."

Yeah, life is a learning proposition - but my aunt and cousin were killed by a drunk driver - so I don't have much patience for anyone making their own decisions as far as that combination goes - especially my own children.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 06:11 pm
I'm not disagreeing with wanting to stop it, or, if the situation warrented, lying down in front of the car.

She didn't do anything that IMO was going to be a positive learning experience. Especially when down toward a, albeit young/inexperienced, man.

She, in effect told this man he was not a capable human being, period. Not that he had not made the wisest choice in this situation.

I wonder what kind of boundaries, if any, she does have with him.
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Amigo
 
  1  
Reply Sun 20 Jan, 2008 06:14 pm
TTH wrote:
Amigo wrote:
She had to sale the car. She has to enforce consequences on her sons actions for her sons own protection and so he won't grow up to be a f#@k up.

Nip this in the bud.
Even though all 5 of us kids had to buy our own cars, my parents had 2 rules. One was that they were listed as co-owners until we were 18 and the other is that we have insurance. My brother skipped an insurance payment and my parents sold his car.
Now thats hardcore. Are all five kids responsible?
0 Replies
 
 

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