Dadpad--
You must be running out of adrenaline--and you're probably short on sleep, as well.
For openers, you might ask him to tell you what you are going to say.
Kids!
dadpad wrote:11.30 am.
He still hasn't shown up.
Which shows that he knows he has done the wrong thing.
Or that they finally went to sleep at dawn and haven't woken up yet.
(Stuff would fly in this house)
Ok, mulling. Can't say punishment would have worked for me, or if I had punishment as such I didn't notice. I did have a kind of mother-controlling that I'm still reactive to. But, never mind.
I agree it is a help/diffuser to construct both arcane punishments and talk about real issues in this kind of situation.
I did have, most of you know this, a visiting niece, in her mid teens. As luck would have it, she was hungry for our talks so I never had any trouble. But I can just envision it. She used to climb out the window at her dad's house, and at one point he took the door off her room (speaking of controlling).
She could beat me up any day of the week and out rage me with both street talk and pbs talk, but chose not to.
We may have gotten there if she was living with me for more time.
So, I too wonder about how to work this stuff out.
Only reason and honest discourse would work with her. She could take negative comments re behavior and ingest them, probably given that I didn't act Lordess. But, I can envision getting to Lordess easily in other circumstances.
makemeshiver33 wrote:Hey Dag....
Quote: i do remember the long talk with my parents (i could still recount parts of it) in the kitchen when i was just about 15 and did somethig equally stupid. that stuck with me to this day.
I remember those sorted lectures, they went in one ear and out the other. The same sorted details was repeated over and over and over till I was sick of sitting there, and usually seething by the time they released me to go to my room to think about what they had to say.
These were 3 and 4 hour lectures that usually occured after I was beaten for whatever it was that I sopposedly done wrong.
I got the point the first round.....
I just totally disagree with the lectures from my experience.
Make it short, sweet and get to the point.......
No no no, not what i meant at all. I did not mean 'lectures' - that i agree is punishment itself. We talked talked (me too, not a monologue at me). As a family. How much we mean to each other, about our relationships, remembering events, times, people... all in a positive way. Of course some of it was about the night in question, but the point was to understand the reasons behind the strong emotions and to empathize with the other's position.
my mother also is a family therapist- she is a pre-marriage and marriage counselor so she was testing her techniques on me all my life. i think they worked very well, for the most part.
All is well.
I found him at the home of a new to town friend. The friend and his mother are from the US.
I shall henceforth blame the whole episode on the corrupting influence of the United States of America. :wink:
Son does deserve punishment of some kind but will probably not get what he deserves as this will give him something to rebel against.
We spoke a little about it. I asked if he thought we would not let him go out. he said he feels like that is the case. I made the point that we have never ever stopped him going anywhere as long as we knew where he was, and to give me an example of when we had stopped him. He could not cite an occasion.
I'm still not to sure whats going on in his head and neither is he I think.
He has a part time job at a local eatery. I may have a word with his boss and see if "acting in a responsible manner" is part of the job description. His boss has children a year or two younger so will feel some empathy.
Glad he's undamaged, and that all appears to be well.
hmmm. what did the friend's mother say? was she aware your son was going to spend the night there (did he? or was he just there today?) if so, why did she not talk with you on the phone or something?
happy y'all are ok.
Dad, Amurrican friends are dangerous, just so's ya know....
RH
dagmaraka wrote:hmmm. what did the friend's mother say? was she aware your son was going to spend the night there (did he? or was he just there today?) if so, why did she not talk with you on the phone or something?
happy y'all are ok.
Friends mother is not responsible for my sons actions. I have told her this. she knew he was there and just assumed it was Ok.
I'm thinking the US bit is a kinda exotic adventure and not telling mum and dad is a bit of macho bravado in front of new friend.
My sons big sister lives on the other side of the world. At the family gathering last night we set a place for my daughter, had a photograph on the table, made jokes about her throwing snowballs at other guests etc.
Could be attention deficit.
strange. is the american kid super cool? could he be trying to score some coolness points by association? sometimes when kids are smitten by a new friend, nothing else in the world exists.
dadpad wrote:dagmaraka wrote:hmmm. what did the friend's mother say? was she aware your son was going to spend the night there (did he? or was he just there today?) if so, why did she not talk with you on the phone or something?
happy y'all are ok.
Friends mother is not responsible for my sons actions. I have told her this. she knew he was there and just assumed it was Ok.
I'm thinking the US bit is a kinda exotic adventure and not telling mum and dad is a bit of macho bravado in front of new friend.
My sons big sister lives on the other side of the world. At the family gathering last night we set a place for my daughter, had a photograph on the table, made jokes about her throwing snowballs at other guests etc.
Could be attention deficit.
I am just glad the little joey is ok.
Thanks all for your input.
The absolute best punishment for me were the times when the tables were turned. Mom would sometimes go out to meetings after work and not come home for many hours. We worried to death about it. Her reply was "now you know how I felt."
Second best punishment is telling the neighbors all about it and having them remind you of your indiscretions for decades afterwards.
Dadpad--
Sonpad has obviously found a copy of the 60's best-seller, How to Severe the Umbilical Cord. It was published at the height of the Narc! Narc! Narc! era and suggests using meat cleavers and rusty razor blades. There are pictures of Proper Martyrdom....
Horrid little manual--but wildly popular.
This too shall pass.
Hold your dominion.
