I am recently married....need some help!

You are absolutely right. It was hard not to look, but I haven't.

Just wanted to give an update to all......things have been going really well for us lately.

But I still can't get it out of my head that I have a feeling once my grandfather passes that he may just end up moving back closer to his daughter.

Is there a way that I can make this thought stop because it ruins my mood?? I dont want to jeopardize the good thing we have going right now.

I guess with so much on my plate, I just keep the worries coming. I hope someone has some good advice to help keep me calm.

By the way, I am still looking to find a counselor, but in this area they are not many. So no luck on that side of it yet.

HKG--

Old maxim: Don't borrow trouble.

Old cures for a wandering mind: Recite the multiplication tables. Hum your favorite song. Do ten push ups.

Distract yourself.

Of course the possibility exists--but dithering isn't going to change anything.

Sufficient to the day is the evil thereof.

Congrats that you are gradually moving on with your life.I want you to know that what's gonna be gonna be.Knowing this then,i'll just tell you to keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best as regards your grandpa.Develop a posiive mind to accept if he survives or not.
You may discuss issues that are bothering you with your man and express your fears to him in a loving way.

I haven't posted on this one for a while because things pretty much worked them selves out. Some of you had been reading about what I am/was dealing with at my old job and I am moving on to a new one.

Maybe I should start a new thread for this one.....but my husband decided to leave me to go back and be with his daughter. One of my last thoughts were that he would do this after my grandfather passed and he did. He happened to leave Tuesday morning which was the same day I was having problems with my employer (thread name--how can i deal with an unreasonable boss) . I was not ready to tell anyone yet. Of course my family know and I was ok with it....but now I am falling apart slowly.

I start a whole new fresh life on Monday with a new job and all, but I can't hide how I feel when I come home to an empty house with just my grandmother now. She just lost her husband and I don't want to hurt her by her seeing my upset.

He did not go back to the ex as she called me and started crap out she won't let him see his daughter so he is not going to be with her since he left me. I hung up on her, I can careless and its not my business.

I am dealing with the loss of my grandfather (who was more than a father to me), the leaving of my husband for good=divorce, and starting a new job after I just got out of that abusive working relationship with him.

I won't have the $$ just yet for a counselor and my benefits don't start until 2 months from now. I feel so lost with out the two most important men in my life. One left me because he was suffering too much and I understand but the other left because he wanted to be with his daughter all the time. I do not have children so I do understand but not fully because I think he could of worked it out here to have both worlds. All I know is that I did all I could in this marriage.

Whats the best way to start moving forward? Even though its too early, I get nervous thinking about when I do start to date (much later on) that I won't find someone without kids....because I don't want to go through that again. No offense to anyone with kids, I love them and want a few myself but at 27, its hard to find men without kids.

Thanks for all you help on my other post.....it helped me a lot. I know you guys will be able to tell me what I can do.

Oh, man... you've had a time of it lately, haven't you?

First, I'm sorry that everything seems to be spiraling down and dumping on you all at once.

I know the pain of your husband leaving is raw and thinking about 'never agains' is natural, at this point I think just giving yourself time to heal is the best short term position. There are no magic wands but time does heal those wounds. The lady in the mirror should give herself a hug or two to go along with that smile. One day at a time. Get through this day and the next one and the one after that. Come Monday you'll have a new beginning in your work life. In the meantime, don't forget to Breathe.

I'm trying to breathe and its hard but I think it will get easier going to a place that no one has to know about what I am going through unless I tell them.

If I were reading these, I would think how in the world can someone have this many bad things going on at once??? It doesn't seem possible to have your whole world crashing down at once.

I never put my blinders up but things were going well, but I always had the thought that he might leave because his little girl is so important to him. So it wasn't a total shock, but its starting to settle. Do I avoid his calls? I talked to him only because of the crap going on at work and he was being blamed also, but now that is over.

Has he been calling?

A little but that was because of the crap going on at work. I haven't spoken to gun today. I talked to his mom and she said that he's not doing well over it and is confused. But in my eyes, he made his choice and I don't want anymore hurt. Even though I miss him more than ever. He took all of his belongings when he left so he has no reason to come back here.

Hellokitty--

You're certainly having your hard times in one large, hard lump.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised if your grandmother isn't feeling alone and useless right now. Letting her know how you hurt might be very helpful for her.

As for your soon-to-be-Ex. I'm sure he loves his daughter--but I'm even more sure he loves himself more.

Yes, he was with you and your grandparents while your grandfather was dying. Then he packs up and takes off.

This is not the behavior of an unselfish man.

He's not particularly confused. He wants to see his daughter whenever he wants to. He wants both you and her mother to stop bugging him. He'd be absolutely delighted if the two of you tore each other to pieces and left him alone. His mother could babysit.

Hold your dominion.

I talked to him yesterday only because he received some paperwork in the mail from domestic relations. He sounds down and lost. If he only knew how I felt.....I don't tell him I miss him and wish he could of worked this out. I just tell him what is necessary and move on.

Yesterday was very hard for me, I just sat around and watched TV all day! Thats not me! I felt so alone that I slept in my grandmothers room because I didn't want to feel alone. I know once I start the new job on Monday I will feel better because I won't be stuck in the house and I will have people around me.

I just feel embarrassed about this whole divorce thing. I am just lost and emotional today as well. I know it won't be easy but I have gone through enough and just want to feel whole again. Going to try and go to the mall with my mom because she starts at the same place I do on Monday...gotta help her pick out dress clothes. Hopefully that will help me also!

Thanks all, keep the encouraging words coming because I sure need them!

Hellokitty--

Single Again, Death in the Immediate Family, New Job--you've got quite a bit on your plate.

Your Soon-To-Be-Ex is finding the Single Again state doesn't solve all his problems? He doesn't think things through, does he.

How is your grandmother doing? The older we get, the more comfortable we are with Death as a Fact-of-Life.

My grandmother seems to be doing really well. I have noticed that I am not myself and I am trying so hard to change it. I am usually a very talkative person even when I am down. Right now I barely have the urge to talk to anyone and I just can't even force it.

He may not think things through completely, but supposedly him seeing his daughter is all he will ever need. Somehow I think that will change. The sad thing is, there are two really important matters I need to discuss with him and I can't get a hold of him. So typical, he thinks that I am going to harp on him about us or something.....I am trying to move on.

As for his ex, she has people emailing me through stupid myspace saying how much she is in love and things are great. If I were in middle school, I would do the same stuff back to make her think he still talks to me....sometimes I want to because she would buy into it. She's having people do this to me to try and hurt me. It really doesn't hurt me, but it bothers me to think that "maybe" he is back with her even though his whole family would disown him.

I start my new job tomorrow and hopefully that will take my mind off of things and I can get back to being somewhat normal.

Hellokitty--

Of course you don't feel like talking.

If you were a real kitty-cat with multiple ailments you'd be holed up behind a piece of heavy furniture trying to heal.

As a symbolic kitty-cat, you're doing the same thing, minus the piece of heavy furniture.

Have you thought about communicating with your departed husband through snail mail? Perhaps even a registered letter?

Eventually he'll learn that Grand Gestures leave Loose Ends--pity you have to be the one to educate him. I feel sorry for that little girl with two Drama Queens as parents.

As for the Triumphant Other Woman of Junior High Fame, isn't it handy to have someone like that around to despise?

Good luck tomorrow on your new job. Let us know how it goes.

I spoke to him today. He called because I left a msg with his mother. He said he will call me tonight to discuss all I need to. I just wanted to get it over with.

Thank you.....I will focus all my energy into the new job. Its going to help alot. Tomorrow I dont have to tell my story....I am a single woman who is looking to become very successful.

Hellokitty--

I hope the discussion goes well. You are prepared for him to be a bit exasperating, aren't you?

As for tomorrow: Ms. Hellokitty, Career Woman, settles down at a new desk with a new future.

Hold your dominion.

Today was a little better because of the new job but I needed to talk to my soon to be ex and of course he never called me back yesterday like he promised and he better call tonight because unfortunately I have to list him on most of my paperwork since we are married. Unless he signs off of it. SO, I need to speak with him ASAP. He better call back or I will be very very mad and make his life a living hell until he does.

Its only been a week since he decided to leave and tomorrow will be 1 week since he's beeen gone. I hope he knows that hes hurting the situation more than helping!

Hellokitty--

He seems to be making sure that you don't want him back.

I think the trendy term for his behavior is "conflicted". He'd like to be seeing his daughter (and perhaps sleeping with her mother); married to you (particularly if you'll amputate your needs and opinions) and have everyone thinking all about him.

Are you sure you can't make your grandmother next-of-kin?

How is the new job--aside from the exasperating paperwork?

I cannot make her next of kin because in the state of Pa he must sign off on it. I spoke to him today and I am to call him tonight to discuss everything. I told him that this can be a very easy divorce but he's not helping the situation by avoiding me.

I just want it to be over with.

Work is good. The learning part of it is tiring, but I like it. Its so different and people are nice and they want to help. I can't wait to actually start the real part of the job. I am determined to be the best out of my training class and become a supervisor in 6 months. Its a goal and I know I can achieve it. It will take time and focus, but I have that now. Its Marlena's time now.

Hellokitty--

I remember my first husband called me cold and calculating because I wanted to tidy up loose ends after he decided that he was too young for marriage.

How did work go today? I know you haven't been appointed as a supervisor yet, but I assume you're on your way.