3 year old will not eat!!!

I'm probably the wrong person to be answering you, but I do have a question for you.

What would happen if you stopped buying pretzels and chicken nuggets?

Ok, all you parents out there, don't jump on me, but I really wonder what would happen.

How many days would she go without eating if all you had in the house was non-junk? Eventually she'd eat, wouldn't she?

We tried that. Our Dr. told us to serve the meal and not force her to eat but just not give her anything else. We did that for two days and she would not eat her lunch wich was pb&j and carrots. She sees us eating good food too. Nothing. Also, when she doesn't eat she gets cranky and whiny and I can't send her to school that way.

I have 2 incredibly picky eaters and one that will eat anything. But - I have never made them the same thing every day and I make them eat 2 bites of everything on their plate. If they go to bed hungry they have to go to bed hungry. This was hard at first...harder on me actually than it was on them.

My Dr. told me the two bites of everything on their plate is fine and just to give them a multivitiamin every day. And low and behold they have learned to like some things they never did before. But it didn't happen overnight...the twins are almost 8 and my baby is 4. I usually fix their favorite things on the weekend...pizza, chicken nuggets...so on - and they really get excited about that...the only encouragement I can give you is keep offering her a variety and try not to get tired. I do believe she will come around if she sees you won't give - send her to school cranky if you have to...she will get the message.

Please understand - I know it is easy for me to say - but I can't think of a better way. My advice really is just how I do it and it works for me---- Good Luck!

Sure you can. They're used to it, I'm sure.

When my kid was going through her picky phase (and they pretty much all go through picky phases), my doctor reassured me that even if it seemed like she wasn't eating enough, it balanced out over the space of a week. Just crackers on Monday, just applesauce on Tuesday, just hotdogs on Wednesday -- you get the idea.

I'd make noshing trays -- ice cube trays with various bits of food in them. I'd just keep taking it out of the fridge and putting it back, letting her nosh when she wanted. Having a selection helped. Having a dip helped, too -- for dipping pieces of fruit or vegetables.

The main thing is to keep offering HEALTHY options. She's not going to get in the car and get herself something at McDonald's, and she's going to get hungry. That doesn't mean forcing her to eat a particular thing, either ("you're going to eat that carrot and you're going to like it!"), just keep offering lots of options. She'll come around. (Though she might not right away, so be patient. I think it's supposed to be that toddlers need to have a food offered 10 times before they try it. Many people give up at 3 or 4. Keep trying.)

I basically agree with the direction Chai took and with what your doctor recommended. You've apparently been giving in to your daughter's demands for three years. It should not have been allowed to get to the point that she is so control of you. We are talking about your daughter's health for the rest of her life, now is the time to make a stand. Explain to her that the food she demands is no longer available in your house. Do not turn it into a treat, or other food will feel like a punishment. When she is hungry she will eat what is available. Let her be a cranky little bitch, tell her to go to her room and be as cranky as she wants. Hold your ground. I think you might want to let her teacher know what is going on and make sure the school knows she is being sent with appropriate food. If you don't fix this now she will be on the road to obesity and diabetes and even malnutrition. Remember, it's easier to influence a three year old than a teenager.

You might also want to check out this book:
The Sneaky Chef: Simple Strategies for Hiding Healthy Foods in Kids Favorite Meals by Missy Chase Lapine

I'm actually against those "sneaking" books. (Jessica Seinfeld has one out, too.) Kids will eat healthy food, it doesn't have to be snuck in. What kind of message does that send, what kind of life-long eating habits?

I'm not against healthy + delicious recipes, but I have a problem with the "sneaking" concept.

Anyway, I'm totally in agreement that now is the time to take control of this situation.

I agree - I think now is the time because it will just get more ingrained...yikes!

One thing that helped with my picky 4 year old is not giving him an afternoon snack - I know - sounds kind of mean - but I just moved supper up earlier and he did great. He was really hungry and willing to eat whatever was on his plate...that is how he learned to like broccoli and spinach salad. And that is saying a lot - I didn't want those things until I was in highschool!

Why can't you?

BTW, thanks greenwitch, I thought I'd get trompled.

Honestly schwab, do you think your child is going to die if she chooses not to eat for 2 days?

I'm sure she has a strong will to live, if it comes to that.

as gw said, let her be a bitch at school for the day. you can put food on her plate longer than she can withhold eating it.

Do you have children? Do you have a toddler/preschooler? If so, you must drug them or lock them in a closet to not act like my daughter and many many other children her age.

If not, then I don't need your criticism . I'm just asking for advice from other parents who might be or have been in the same situation.

I am new to this website and if this is how it works then now I know and I will move on.

Thank you to those of you who did not judge.

Your doctor gave you good advice, as did the people (parents of toddler, parents of former toddlers, and otherwise) who posted.

schwab123, I don't think we are intending to sound judgmental. You have the sympathy of everyone here who has tried to get a child to just taste a new food. It took me three years to get my little niece to try a sunflower seed. We called her Miss Sunflower Drama Queen because of the scene she would make if I even suggested she try one. I patiently wore her down by not forcing the issue, nor abandoning it, and now she loves them. We want you to stand firm because we know what the future holds if this behavior continues. It's more than just the food. You are the solution to the problem, not your daughter. Yes, it is difficult, but please see this as we are trying to give you the support to do the tough stuff and turn this situation around. This is only the first of many mommy/daughter clashes to come and this particular struggle is worth winning. We are on your side, really.

As a former toddler and former fifteen year old whose mother made her sit at the table until she finished her dinner of canned tuna, boiled carrots, with luck some canned white potatoes, and a large glass of milk....

Yes, fifteen year old. I've changed in my levels of obedience with the decades - my obedience back then is probably part of the formation of my snotty nature even now - but still have some sympathy with my mother then, as some of those times were very lean.

I agree pretty much with all, adding in that I think the old me would have liked Sozobe's version of how to deal, as well as the doctor's version.

I'm not so sure about reward weekend with pizza and chicken nuggets - though I'm a pizza fan, mine is perhaps 'pizza spare' compared to what comes from pizza restaurants here, and the person I am now would start working into some other chicken dishes over time (some of Hamburger's described dishes are pretty healthy). What I'm getting at is the good food -bad food dichotomy, which can be a lifelong struggle when it doesn't have to be.

Agree with GW too, especially in that we do have sympathy for the situation and I think all of us think the Time is Now. I also semi-raised a niece and I guess I was a good influence - she loved being in the kitchen with me, and rolled pizza at two. Well, an old two. Rebelled on some foods around eight. Could critique the mussels at a Tapas place when sixteen...

Her mother cooked soups with a tremendous amount of salt and fat (I was floored when I learned how much some years later) and her dad is a kind of live on nuts kind of guy.

So it's not that my cooking was so great. In a way, she learned with me.

We celebrate the weekends together and we do try to give them things they really enjoy and pizza is certainly not one of the worst things they could eat - moderation is what we aim for. I ask a lot of my kids sometimes and I don't think it hurts to let them enjoy eating some of their favorites every once in a while...they are pretty darn healthy and eat better than a lot of their friends...I am not worried

And I think they would deal with the good food bad food mentality whether we let them have pizza on the weekends or not. They are going to get it as they get older and have to make choices about what is healthy...my concern is gearing those little taste buds to eat a large variety of healthy foods - which they do.

Not that I have to defend my choices for them - but tonight - they had baked chicken, steamed broccoli and brown rice...and a glass of milk - they ate their broccoli first and asked for more...I have to say that makes me proud.

There is nothing wrong or different with your daughter and her behavior, its pretty typical.

Keep offering her the items you would like her to eat, eventually she will eat them, but just mix them in with some new ones.

My oldest seemed to be the pickiest out of the two boys, he didn't want to eat, wouldn't eat what we wanted him too regardless. So I started by putting out a snack tray with different fruits chopped up his size, with dry cereal, and a glass of juice for him to pick and choose from throughout the day. Eventually he started eating them.

"They are going to get it as they get older and have to make choices about what is healthy...my concern is gearing those little taste buds to eat a large variety of healthy foods - which they do."


I agree with that, Mismi. I didn't mean what I said as an attack - I was thinking out loud.


I have many friends who have spent decades in a cycle of binge and resist on bad food, a kind of a roll in sin city, a comfort and reward. They are not children and have complex reasons for that, including possible or probably metabolic dynamics. Some of them have stopped for a long time, and it is almost always a kind of deprivation thing, with, at some point, a breakdown in the caution and a binge.


I am not saying you are setting your children up for that - I'm just wondering about connecting letting-go food with reward, not re you, but as a general subject. I'm not sure there is an exact book on that just yet, even with the zillions of books out there.


What is my point - make food wonderful all the time, with flavor (etc.)






I'll agree a pizza and nuggets are not the worst or even all so bad given a good week - it's the setup of fat reward Im thinking about.
And, I'm not all against fat either. So maybe it's the reward thing.

I need to learn to take a deep breath and not get so defensive! sorry!

That is something to think about - you may very well have something - going to ponder it a bit...but I agree - making it something they enjoy - I hope I do...

example of our issues....cheese - I have one that hates cheese - and won't eat sandwiches because he doesn't like bread....

another gags when he eats mashed or baked potatoes...what kids don't like cheese, bread or mashed potatoes? Not that the mashed potatoes is a big deal...we have just dropped that from our rotation.

BUT the cheese...WTH?

Thank you GW for you reassuring words and to those of you who are trying to help. My previous comment was directed at Chai and if I knew how to quote in the white box like some of you have been doing I would put his/her quote along with my comment.

Today my daughter battled with me over breakfast and would not eat or drink her milk before school. I know it's fine to sent her to school like that but I know how frustrating it is for me when she is being a brat so I don't want her to act like that with her teacher and friends because she would be miserable the whole day.

She had perdue chicken nuggets and white grape juice for lunch and half of grilled cheese for dinner then snacked on popcorn later.

I know what I should do. It all sounds so simple and obvious as to what I should do. It is annoying also because I am controlling over how I want things to go and I feel as if I don't have any control over this. When I wanted to get rid of the pacifier I got rid of it no problems. Same with big girl bed and other changes. Potty training was hard but I was determined and she was potty trained in a month.

I see other kids at weddings and other grownup situations and they are eating the vegetables, meat, soup, etc.

Ugh!

Mismi wrote:


I completely understand this, trust me! We had a big issue tonight over chili. My chili takes hours to make, its not out of a can, throwed together mess.

Neither one would eat it. Both exclaimed, "I don't like it...waaaa!"

I made both of them try one bite. The oldest left the room with his back to me, which I knew then that he liked it, cause he was grinning and wasn't going to cave into me expressing that if he'd try one bite, he'd like it.

Both ended up eating big bowls of chili for supper..........



But I have the same problems. My oldest would live on fried potatoes, my youngest will not eat fried, mashed or scalloped he wants them in McDonalds version of french fried.

The oldest would live on salsa, the youngest would live on ketchup...but neither will eat a tomato......

Kids! LOL

Well honestly schwab, eating is a hard one - because we don't want our babies to be hungry - there is a stigma attached there that says we are not taking care of our kids properly. But we are loving them very well when we teach them how to eat right...just don't weary in doing what is right for her...try different things and eventually I hope you find something that works...I know - it is on of the hardest things in the world - I know - keep your chin up!