The Last Days of Disco Beaver from Outer Space
Movie and television collide in this disaster film about two women looking for love at the end of the disco era, only to find themselves in a horrible National Lampoon series involving beaver, a gay Dracula, and much more unmemorable material. They give up sex, drugs and disco at the end, and return to the casting couch, hoping to land a project with something resembling a plot.
"This movie sucked, but the disco soundtrack was cool...I had no idea old people could groove so good" said one teenage viewer.
Thanks, LW. Glad to be here.
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider of the Lost Ark--Croft and Jones together at last. The fearless twosome battle Nazis in their efforts to save a relic. Angelina Jolie out Indies Indy.
Ford is his stoic self. Jolie carries the flick. "Playboy"
Raging Bull Durham--Susan Sarandon's Annie has a tough time chosing her beau of the season. Will it be doofus Tim Robbins or intense Robert DeNiro? The intermingling of the pastoral national pastime and the manly art of self-defense instills a dynamic, if somewhat schizophrenic, tenor to the story.
Lost in Space Cowboys -- a quartet of superannuated astronauts goes for a jaunt in an experimental spaceship and the near-sighted navigator (Don Sutherland) takes a wrong turn somewhere near Mars. Sigorney Weaver in a supporting role as a six-and-a-half-foot tall Alien. A resurrected Michael Rennie as a five-foot-five Alien. Klatu barrada nictu©.
I have a few titles that I can't write blurbs for. I either don't remember one or both of the movies or I never saw them in the first place. They're up for grabs:
Spanking the Monkey Business
My Life as a Dog Day Afternoon
The Pelican Brief Encounter
The Maltese Falcon and the Snowman
Have fun!
They are all good -- the challenge is to put on your comic thinking hat and if there are some satirical digs at any choice political or entertainment personalities in them, all the better!
Menace to High Society
An urban black street hustler sees dreams of escaping the hood when he is informed that he is the heir to a fortune. At the reading of the will, he discovers that a young boy is the real heir, and that the family does not want the boy to get all the money. He wrestles with his conscience for two seconds, then blows away everyone in the room. His last good deed is getting the boy his inheritence, and restoring justice through extreme violence before being shot by police.
"It's all about the kids" --Mr. T
Fast Times at Ridgemont High Anxiety
Nurse Diesel (Cloris Leachman) teaches unruly California kids, including Jennifer Jason Leigh as the girl looking for love but finding only sex. Judge Reinhold stars as a disillusioned pizza maker/psychiatrist with an inordinate fear of heights.
- "I thought Mel Brooks was somewhat unconvincing as the surfing stoner." - Ebert
- "Well, I did learn, just like Sean Penn did, that those who are tardy will get neither pizza nor fruit cup." - Roeper
Apocalypse Now, Voyager.
Bette Davis reprises the Marlon Brando role as a female Col. Kurtz, leading a rag-tag band of Taliban guerillas in the mountains of Afghanistan.
North Dallas Forty Carats
A forty year old woman who was vacationing in Greece meets a twenty-two year old. They spend the night together and she leaves him before he can discover she was once a man. She then returns to New York and she is stunned to learn that the quarterback on the football team where she trains the cheerleaders is his boyfriend. It all ends up at the big game where the coach learns a new twist on the quarterback sneak.
Harry Potter and Romancing the Sorcerer's Stone--All hell breaks loose as everybody and his uncle races from the British countryside to South America trying to find a big rock--the significance of which varies depending on whether you're into power or money--if there is a difference. In the end, Michael Douglas kills a crocodile and buys a boat.
Robin Hood, Men in Tightrope--In a major departure for Clint Eastwood, he dons a pair of green tights and joins a band of too-merry men in a forest in England. While pretending to be a felon, albeit a good-hearted one as he robs from the rich and gives to the poor, he is in fact pursuing a serial murderer from another movie.
Mighty Joe Young Frankenstein--Mad scientist Frankenstein (pronounced Frahnk-en-shteen) and his assistant Igor (pronounced eye-gore) reanimate a great ape named Joe. After a shaky start, the relationship between the doctor and the gorilla mellows into a stage partnership. While hoofing in front of the footlights, Joe gets agitated by the bright lights. After a bit of a hissy fit, Joe calms down and finds romantic bliss with Madelyn Kahn. "Ah sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you."
You certainly went ape with that last one!
The Creature from the Black and Blue Lagoon
Two teenagers are stranded on a desert island not realizing it is inhabited by a gill-man. The gill-man gets bored and offers to pay two thousand dollars to the winner of a boxing match. The two teenagers can't resist, a make-shift boxing ring is constructed of vines and palm logs where they beat the **** out of each other.
Welcome, Borrichone! Good one!
I like that, Borrichone and considering the response to your arrival, you should really come up with a fractured Spaghetti Western.
(I'm still laughing at the image of Harry Lime building that mountain of mud -- did he hide his diluted drugs in it?)
The Private Life of Henry and the Hendersons VIII
Oh, gawd, another in the franchise (number 8!) of a giant hairy creature who is King of England and can't keep his hands off the ladies in waiting.
