Rebel Wife

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I have been married for almost 5 years. My wife and I are very different. She values looks and is more superficial; while i encourage she develop her career and intellect.

She's a rebel by nature, and beginning to rebel against what makes me comfortable with my spouse. Who wants to be married to an MTV girl? She wants to now take racy photos with her ex-boyfriend. They are friends, and am i not suspicious of an affair in anyway, but this is an intimate thing i am uncomfortable with. We have been arguing over our differences for some time, and it's possible i drove her to do this. But at this point, she said she's going to do it and wont tell me when; and that i have to deal with it or get out.

She is trying to be more independent and feel free. She reassures me there is nothing to worry about, and that she's just living life. It makes me sick to my stomach to think her ex-bf and who knows who else will be photographing her. There is nothing i can do, and everytime i bring it up, i drive her further away.

What to do?

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Get out

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Hello mochit, and welcome to a2k Smile

Well, there are two issues here. First, why did you marry your wife,
if you don't agree with her being an MTV girl, superficial and rebellious.
Whatever attracted you to her, is what she is. It's not fair that you're
trying to change her now, after you're married, because she all of a
sudden doesn't fit your lifestyle any longer. Let her be who she is,
and she'll thank you for it.

Secondly, having racy pictures done with her ex-boyfriend is not
necessarily something I would endorse either, however, I have a feeling
that she's just testing you, resp. is upset over your behavior to change
her.

There is nothing wrong with having an independent spouse, on the
contrary, it makes your marriage more interesting. You married her
because she was different than you, now you have to live with it.
It is not her fault that you changed your mind.

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Well the first thing I thought of when I read the title was a sexist man trying to control his wife.

But I can see that isn't the case. Perhaps you and her are going down different paths in life that cannot be reconciled.

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Why don't YOU take the sexy photos of her? An Ex anything has no business taking intimate photos of another person's spouse.

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Is there a major age difference here between you and her?

Yes, you married her for better or worse,you knew she was a rebel when you married her, but I, myself would have an issue with the racy photos being taken of her and an ex. Have you ever discussed her taking racy photos with you?

Quote:

this is an intimate thing i am uncomfortable with

You have a right to be uncomfortable, upset, down right pissed off if you want to be, she's YOUR wife.

Quote:

We have been arguing over our differences for some time, and it's possible i drove her to do this. But at this point, she said she's going to do it and wont tell me when; and that i have to deal with it or get out.

Drove her too it, why? Because you voiced your opinion on how you felt about it? Aren't you half of the marriage, don't you have a right to be upset? To me, this is total disrespect...........

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CalamityJane wrote:

Hello mochit, and welcome to a2k

Thanks CalamityJane.

Well, there are two issues here. First, why did you marry your wife,
if you don't agree with her being an MTV girl, superficial and rebellious.
Whatever attracted you to her, is what she is. It's not fair that you're
trying to change her now, after you're married, because she all of a
sudden doesn't fit your lifestyle any longer. Let her be who she is,
and she'll thank you for it.[/quote]

I married a different person than who she is today, which i understand is natural. She has taken a different path in her interests of late. She has also said to let her be who she is now.

CalamityJane wrote:

Secondly, having racy pictures done with her ex-boyfriend is not
necessarily something I would endorse either, however, I have a feeling
that she's just testing you, resp. is upset over your behavior to change
her.

I can see that.

CalamityJane wrote:

There is nothing wrong with having an independent spouse, on the
contrary, it makes your marriage more interesting. You married her
because she was different than you, now you have to live with it.
It is not her fault that you changed your mind.

I dont feel i changed my mind. She is a different person than who i married. I agree with for better or worse, but she's but this photoshoot above our marriage with the ultimatum she proposed; and it's hard for me to react positively ... but i am trying!

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Arella Mae wrote:

Why don't YOU take the sexy photos of her? An Ex anything has no business taking intimate photos of another person's spouse.

I've requested this in the past, and she turned me down. She did not want me having racy pictures of her that could get out on the internet. Her ex has a nicer camera, and she considers these artistic photos (where she will be half naked).

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makemeshiver33 wrote:

Drove her too it, why? Because you voiced your opinion on how you felt about it? Aren't you half of the marriage, don't you have a right to be upset? To me, this is total disrespect...........

I thought so too. She believes doing this will help her not require attention from other men; and prevent more serious issues in our marriage later.

She also regrets telling me about it, and will no longer share these kinds of details. She said it's unrelaed to us, and more about her living her life.

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mochit wrote:

Arella Mae wrote:
Why don't YOU take the sexy photos of her? An Ex anything has no business taking intimate photos of another person's spouse.

I've requested this in the past, and she turned me down. She did not want me having racy pictures of her that could get out on the internet. Her ex has a nicer camera, and she considers these artistic photos (where she will be half naked).

But she is ok with her ex having racy pictures of her that could get out on the internet?

Draw the line in the sand now. Tell her if she does the pictures, you are leaving. Assuming you have told us the whole truth here, she is the one whose actions are undermining the marriage.

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why don't you beat the **** out of the ex boyfriend and tell her if she can't live with the consequences of her actions maybe she should get out?

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I like that ! A Bear after my own heart.

Seriously, mochit, you're wife is pulling the wool over your eyes. She's playing you for a fool. I imagine she and the ex-boyfriend must get quite a laugh out of it.

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If I said these things to my husband, he would break a rib laughing while he was packing my things.

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eoe wrote:

I like that ! A Bear after my own heart.

Seriously, mochit, you're wife is pulling the wool over your eyes. She's playing you for a fool. I imagine she and the ex-boyfriend must get quite a laugh out of it.

The ex is not malicious like that, and made sure that i was aware of the events before agreeing to do it. i have not spoken to him directly about it.

I feel like she is taking advantage of me by doing whatever she wants. Being married to a rebel personality is very difficult. in her current state, whatever i express concern about makes her more drawn to it. This is recent, and not always the case. Confused

I am now wondering if maybe it would have been better for me not to know.

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I think your wife is lying telling you that all this is innocent.

People don't take racy pictures with their ex because it's fun.

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mochit wrote:

eoe wrote:
I like that ! A Bear after my own heart.

Seriously, mochit, you're wife is pulling the wool over your eyes. She's playing you for a fool. I imagine she and the ex-boyfriend must get quite a laugh out of it.

The ex is not malicious like that, and made sure that i was aware of the events before agreeing to do it. i have not spoken to him directly about it.

I feel like she is taking advantage of me by doing whatever she wants. Being married to a rebel personality is very difficult. in her current state, whatever i express concern about makes her more drawn to it. This is recent, and not always the case.

I am now wondering if maybe it would have been better for me not to know.

The ex is not malicious? Are you shitting me? You don't think taking dirty pictures with your wife is malicious not to mention disrespectful? For God's sake man, deal with this or lie down and paint welcome on your back.

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I asked my wife this morning if I could take some racy pictures with one of my co-workers. She referred me to the divorce lawyer she keeps on retainer. I think that answers my question.

Since you seem to be trying to convince yourself that nothing is wrong with this, why don't you just invite the guy over to spend the night with your wife. You could fix them a nice romantic dinner. You could even turn down the bed for them and place a nice little chocolate on the pillow. Maybe serve them wine afterward.

Geesh, grow a pair and put your foot down.

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Bella Dea wrote:

I think your wife is lying telling you that all this is innocent.

People don't take racy pictures with their ex because it's fun.

The ex and my spouse remain good friends; and i trust him. She says he is like a brother. She was always interested in modeling; and feels like this is her opportunity to feel like a model.

I term the pictures racy, but they consider them artistic as the ex is an amateur photographer.

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Then why not offer to let her go take her racy photos at a professional photographers. And allow you to be present when they are taken. Seems like a reasonable solution. Take the ex out of the equation.

Of course, she will have some excuse for not doing it that way.

Like I said, put your foot down now or you'll be serving her and some guy breakfast in bed before it is over.

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so why are we discussing this? Apparently you're okay with it.

What consenting adults do is their business.... and obviously you're consenting.

Bon Appetit.

I think I can speak for a lot of the guys here when I say we'd love to see the pictures when they're done :wink:

unless your wife looks like bigfoot.

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Rebel Wife

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