guys move on within days...

Yeah, that's one of the first things I thought of. Or, could be that he was attracted, saw it was mutual, and that's WHY he broke up with you -- before anything happened. (And then he felt free to go ahead once he split with you.)

Ultimately not your business at this point, though, since you are broken up.

Sorry, and best of luck.

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i just honestly cannot imagine my life without him... while it is the reality and i have no choice, especially seen as though he has moved on. Everything about him i am attracted to and then i see him the other day and he was lol "wow, you are really so much pretty than she is" (talking about his new girl). I took it as a compliment but then thought hang on that isn't right.

who knows, im so confused

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You don't want a guy that says stuff like that.

He's messing with your head.

And he isn't even aware of it.

Walk away.

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i just wish i could walk away and it was that easy... its funny and i dunno why but after everything he has done to me and after all the hurt he has caused me, i just CANNOT be angry with him. I kind of wish i could but i cant. All throughout the relationship i put him first and now im finding it hard to stop that and to put myself first...

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Oh, stop it. People do grow, people do make changes as they figure out who they are over time, and there are even some people who keep needing the experience of the new. Loving someone over many years *thinking, at your age, looking towards, uh, say, sixty years?, is no a piece of cake easily dealt with.

Learn from this.

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If you can't be mad at him, then be angry at yourself.

Why is it okay for him to treat you like this?
Why would you allow yourself to be treated like this?
Do you have that little self respect?

I'd be mad. I'd be very angry.

Hurt sure... But move it into the anger mode and WALK AWAY!

You should read that last thing you wrote...
Figure out what is wrong with your statement.

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Hon, there are female sexual predators and it looks like he just got bagged by one. She found herself a young stud with not too much experience She's safe from being reprimanded at school because he is not a minor.

15 years age difference? What do they have going for them outside of sex?

Not the time of life to be carrying your head around in a sling. Take a good look at what is out there and move on.

Maybe he has an oedipus complex. Best find out now.

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Yea its funny that you say that - what else is there for them but sex - becuase he admited to me that they dont do anything because its too awkward for her to meet his friends and its too awkward him to meet her friends, so they are just little hermits...

o well - i am sure they will both get sick of it - while it seems great at the moment.

You're all right i just have to get out and see what else is about... harder said than done, but ill get there...

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Somebody (a guy) once said to me:

Woman leave a relationship when they are not happy in it any more,
guys wait until they find someone else.

I think this is true for many cases, not all though!

But I think there is a chance that the relationship with you had ended a long time ago for your boyfriend, but only now did he find someone to move on to.

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He didn't move on in days...he's been moved on for some time now and just recently got the balls to break up with you.

Move on and find someone who thinks the world of you.

You're holding out for a relationship that doesn't exist any more.

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hmm... that is all so true. Thankyou very much. I really just don't want to be single.. i love the feeling of being loved... as pathetic as that sounds.

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He's not showing you much love though, is he?

Show yourself some.

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well no not now - but he was right up until the day we broke up... which is why i am such a mess because i had no idea it was coming... i thought we were fine.

o well, whats done is done

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jespah wrote:

He may very well have been moving on while you were still together. In other words, cheating on you.

Well, the rule with some folks is that you don't quit your job unless you have another job already lined up, and you don't quit one stable relationship unless you have another one already lined up. It's not necessarily true that he was cheating on her, but he probably had the 35-year-old lecturer lined up and ready to go when he broke up with meggles.

At some point, meggles, you went from being the girlfriend to the "fallback." He was working the lecturer, trying to start something with her, while still going out with you. And once the connection with the lecturer was made, he was free to cut the connection with you. Nothing you could do about it -- in his mind he just found a better job.

Look at it this way: you're young, you'll have plenty of relationships in the future, your former boyfriend will inevitably get his heart broken by the lecturer (who is, of course, committing all sorts of professional and ethical misdeeds by dating a student), and you'll end up being the sympathetic victim when you tell this story to all of your friends. You're better off for the experience.

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[quote="meggles"]I really just don't want to be single.. [/quote]

In my eyes that is the WORST way to look at the future!
Why don't you start with YOU?
YOU go out and enjoy yourself for a while.
Without worrying about anybody.
Do something you have been thinking about for a long time and never got round to.
Travel
Live

Guys always turn up, when you least expect them, but when they see you looking, they run as fast as they can!

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meggles wrote:

hmm... that is all so true. Thankyou very much. I really just don't want to be single.. i love the feeling of being loved... as pathetic as that sounds.

Yes hon, it DOES sound pathetic. I think that this is a wonderful time for you to learn to love yourself. The only way to gain and maintain a mature and lasting relationship is to love yourself first. Then you will be capable of having enough love within yourself to give it to another person.

What you love about the "feeling" is not love, it is neediness. When you don't need love, you will find a person that you want to be with, because you care for him, not because of neediness.

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Meggles--

I'm another voice in the Liberated Female Chorus. Sure, good men are nice to have around, but if I don't have a man I'm still a worthwhile person.

On some level having a man to love you and protect you turns out to be "having a man means I don't have to grow up".

Child-women are not attractive to good men. Bullies and weak ego men love them.

By the by, why are you available to listen to your Ex tell you all about his new romance when he isn't available for you?

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Rockhead wrote:

Who woulda thought I would be the gentle one.....

RH

That is funny...

They are right Meggles - you really can be happy without him. But you have to make up your mind to be. Can't feel that you are nothing without him or that life is missing something. Because life is full of wonderful things...much better things than him believe me...it is your good fortune he did this because now you have a chance to see it...if you will. :wink:
mis

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Meggles

I always liked this one-liner of Gloria Steinhams -

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle

Check out some of the feminist writers.

Don't let yourself get caught up in that fiction you ain't nobody til somebody loves you. Meggles there is nothing more lovable than a woman who loves herself.

Love is not too great when you are on the welfare dole because daddyO took off with some other woman again, and you are struggling to raise kids.

Where do you want to be 10 years from now? Once you decide that, how do you get there.

Think about it.

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Re: guys move on within days...

meggles wrote:

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years... it was all his decision, he said his heart wasn't in it any more but then i find out now that within days of our break up he is with another woman. The woman just happens to be his University lecturer and she is 35. My ex is only 19 and when i found out who he had gone to it was just the biggest kick in the guts. The bad thing is though that i just still want him back and am really struggling to cope with it. I've just started psychiatrist sessions and they aren't really helping yet, my thoughts are just all about the ex.

His friends (my friends also) don't see that what he has done is wrong at all. I just think that there could have possibly been a little more respect for me and he didn't have to go straight from a 3 year relationship to her...

It usually takes a guy a long time to realize consciously that it was over a long time ago. It was probably over for him a year to a year and a half ago. And he just recently realized this. I don't believe guys get over it in days. They just aren't as consciously aware.

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guys move on within days...

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