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Tue 4 Dec, 2007 06:42 pm
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years... it was all his decision, he said his heart wasn't in it any more but then i find out now that within days of our break up he is with another woman. The woman just happens to be his University lecturer and she is 35. My ex is only 19 and when i found out who he had gone to it was just the biggest kick in the guts. The bad thing is though that i just still want him back and am really struggling to cope with it. I've just started psychiatrist sessions and they aren't really helping yet, my thoughts are just all about the ex.
His friends (my friends also) don't see that what he has done is wrong at all. I just think that there could have possibly been a little more respect for me and he didn't have to go straight from a 3 year relationship to her...
Sweetie, if it helps, he is in a temporary physical relationship that has little chance of a future.
Be glad he opened your eyes, and find someone who thinks you are the sh*t
RH
I just don't know why he is doing it - is there something that she can give him that i couldnt...? You know, i did everything for him and i think in the end he just took that for granted...
The worst thing is i know that him and his lecturer were talking while we were still together, i was there when she would ring (it was mostly uni related) but she was chasing him - a 35 year old chasing a 19 student... WHY? I guess he loved the attention and fell...
It's an ego thing, it won't last...
whether or not i accept it - should i expect at some time he will realise and come running - i have been told more than likely he will...
He most likely will.
Do you have self-esteem enough to tell him to come back AFTER he grows up, instead of pretending it will all be OK again?
RH
no probably not, cause i am struggling so much without him... but maybe a bit of space will be good...
ive definately grown up so much in the month that we been apart but he needs that time BY HIMSELF to realise things too i think...
It won't be ok again. Trust me, or not. Move along. Meantime, regard yourself, grow as yourself.
If you intend to welcome back that selfish piece of crap, then i'd say you haven't grown up at all in the last month. If that guy comes crawling back, and you take him back, it's only a matter of time until he ditches you for someone else again. And he'll keep doing it for as long as you put up with it.
He needs to grow up, perhaps--after all, it's entirely possible that he always just cynically using you. But there can be no doubt that you need to grow up, to open your eyes, and to "smell the coffee." That clown is bad news.
What he's realizing currently is not about you. He is acting out youthful fantasies.
You seem to realize you deserve a grown up for a mate...
RH
and, by the way, so do women move on within days. Let's not paint a whole gender as flighty with one brush.
ouch... thats harsh - i have grown up in the fact that i can see what i did wrong in the relationship and what i could do to make it work... it is just his side that needs to come into it...
im not saying its my fault cause majority of it is his, but either way i think its important that i see my faults also...
you know i believe in second chances but there is no real way of knowing if a person has changed...
Nay relationship which is predicated on the assumption that one or the other of the parties to the relationship can be changed to meet the expectations of the other is doomed to failure. If you can't take a person the way he or she is, move on.
no you are exactly right... girls do move on in days too but i just wrote that cause that is how it is in my situation
Re: guys move on within days...
meggles wrote:I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years... it was all his decision, he said his heart wasn't in it any more ...
I just think that there could have possibly been a little more respect for me and he didn't have to go straight from a 3 year relationship to her...
He didn't just go straight to a new relationship, he was probably unhappy for awhile and this just gave him the extra incentive to end your time together. The good news is this is the kind of thing that, while very painful in the moment, actually makes you grow as a person and helps you create better relationships in the future. You'll get over him and live to love another day.
its not a matter of either of us changing, us as people dont need to change, it is just adapting to fit in with each other which i believe is entirely normal in a relationship... things were fine until the end when we were slowly drifting apart and there is nothing to say that it cant be mended but for now i know i need to move on ...
He may very well have been moving on while you were still together. In other words, cheating on you.
Sorry, but it's very possible, seeing as how quickly he got hooked up. Forget him, he's not worth the energy to think about.
i honestly dont believe he was cheating on me... yea okay it looks suss but i do know the guy despite moving apart in the end... I did confront him about cheating on me and he denied it all (but of course he would).
I am trying to move forward and look to the greener grass on the other side, its just not happening very fast
Who woulda thought I would be the gentle one.....
RH
Hey, it takes a while, meggles. But it'll happen.
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