My Dilemma 2007

Whatever his reasons, eoe, if he can see you're discomforted he should stop it. (Assumimg he has some sensitivity.) If he brings it up again I'd just say something like: that's ancient history - let's move on, shall we? If he persists, well he's a bit of a clod, isn't he? :wink:

Well no, he doesn't see that I'm discomforted because I haven't shown any. I'm cool as can be baby. Especially in front of my husband last week but again yesterday because we were in my driveway, in front of my guests. I haven't had the private opportunity to address it at all.

Good for you!

i just realised, in your situation i am "ron" LOL! now I FEEL SLIGHTLY BAD FOR MY EX'S BOYFRIEND.

YAY AND NOW MY CAPS IS BROKEN, HOORAY. LOL THAT WOULD BE "KARMA" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ANYWAYS MOVING ON..

OH GOD I HAVE TO MAKE ANOTHER POST, I AM THE WORST GUY EVER.

That's a good idea. Why don't you make another post?

I like Caribou's approach to it - get your husband on-side with John being inappropriate in his comments to you.

I'd hope your husband wouldn't want guys like that around his home or wife.

Yes, I chime in with the others - an honest approach is always the best
with your husband.

Concerning John however, I would not like to have such a person in
my house, let alone socialize with him.

I am assuming that the episode (or two) with whatshisname was prior to your marriage with hubby. In that case; If I were your hubby - I would want to know the truth [from you], deal with it and get on w/life. I would also tell 'John" to back off on the issue of the former guy.

If for whatever reason hubby is uncomfortable doing this - then it is up to you to tell John to back off.

I completely agree that it would be inappropriate for whatshisname to come around. Kudos to you for that!

eoe, you're one of the people I like around here.... would you like me to come down and take this guy for a little ride in my truck?

Talk some sense into him? :wink:

Thanks guys. And Bear, don't tempt me. My brother would do it but he's up in Chicago. You're closer.

I really don't believe (and maybe I'm being naive about it) that John is deliberately goading me about Ronald. I do think that he truly sees him as our connection, or at least prefers to, especially since they're still so tight. Who knows the conversations they may have had about me? Boys do talk. yuk.

I'm gonna wait until I run into him again. If he brings Ronald up, I just hope we're alone so I can get him straight once and for all. But what if my husband and I see him and he brings up Ronald? Is there any delicate way of handling it then?

Oh yeah. I'm supposed to tell my husband so if it does happen again, he'll be the one to set John straight, huh?

I too agree with what caribou said.

It's tempting to just deal with John (who I perceive as more goading than you do, but you're there..)

It's even tempting to do nothing. In a way, it's not your problem, or it's a stupid problem others are delivering to you.

My concern is that if you don't speak with hub about it, he will run into Ron and John again and again, and some reference will be made even if veiled, but worse if not veiled - or middling, "when Eoe and I used to go out".

Very annoying, because I agree with your originally not telling your husband every aspect of your life before him.

I also can see Phoenix' take on it, but don't know how easy it would be to speak lightly, lightly. I could see speaking of it as damn irritating...



Ugh, those dreaded words, Hub, we have to talk. (Some other intro preferred).

No, I think you should tell your husband so that he's not the last to know. Because suddenly you seem surrounded by an idiot who knows this unimportant thing and likes to mention it. I think your husband would rather hear about it from you rather than John... or Ron.
As a bonus, you get to tell your story your way first.

John may be goading, and he may just have no sense. Either way, he's a pain. It doesn't matter if you are alone with him or your husband is there, tell him to knock it off.

Course, that means you get tell your husband soon and end this nonsense.

Sorry, I'm mostly way too honest. Just seems like less effort to me.

You said that John and your husband were getting friendly, right?
And John likes to mention Ron to you and has mentioned Ron already in your husband's presence.

So, it's not inconceivable to imagine that someone with as little couth as John would talk to your husband about his buddy, Ron, and how Ron used to date you.

Or if John and Ron hang out so much together, and now your husband is getting friendly with John, it's imaginable that the three of them could be hanging out at some point, and if John hasn't already mentioned it, that Ron might.

It's not that far out of the realm of possibilities.

Are you kidding me? Is that how dumb stuff like that happens?

My husband would kick John's ass. Either physically or verbally. And he's a few years older than John so I don't think he'd find it unmanly to pick up a tree branch if he had to.

My original concern was John stopping by one day with Ronald and my husband being in the dark until I told him. If John's got balls like that then he deserves to get his ass kicked.

In the meantime, I will tell my husband. Today. Like caribou said earlier, I want my old man on my side.

Eoe--

I'm with you and Caribou.

As a reward for your honesty, you might not have to deal with John anymore.

Echoing what everyone else said. Out of respect for your husband, tell him so he doesn't feel like the last to know. It will rob John of the power he seems to be getting off on by bringing him up whenever you happen to have other people around and can't respond accordingly.

Now, this may sound strange but because I don't see, at least not yet, that John is being deliberately messy, I can still imagine my husband and I befriending he and his present wife. John and I are both graphic designers, he's an Emmy-winning designer, used to work for NBC in NYC, and my husband builds websites and he's an all-around computer geek as well. We all have alot in common and with us all being self-employed, possibly partnering up on a project from time to time, if something comes along, is worth looking into. I'm friends with his first wife but that doesn't mean that I can't be friends with his present wife. It may prove to be a stretch down the road at some point but I'm willing to give it a shot. We're neighbors. And we're all adults.

I'd like to be friends. At least try. But maybe I'm blinding myself to what may appear obvious to some of you? Osso? CJ? Bear? Do you all see something that I don't see?

Eoe--

With all you have in common why has John chosen to comment twice in the ten minutes of time you estimate you've spent together about "your boy"?

Well, that was the initial reaction, probably helped along by the "your boy", and your concern that he might bring Ron over to your house.
But you are describing him as pretty sharp. And you are the one there to hear his tone of voice,
Will go back and reread the thread.



My husband and I both used an old boyfriend of mine as an attorney on some legal matters, and went out to dinner with him and his wife at some point (she was a kick, liked her). Hub didn't know about him in particular until my needing an attorney about a family will problem.

So, to me, old boyfriends and husband meeting aren't necessarily horrible. It's that this situation seems sticky re the potential surprise. Maybe it isn't. Dunno.

You know your husband and we don't, and you love him - I don't think you should take all our posted advice, even if we all agree - take your own advice. We're just thinking outloud with you.