Baby's in black (lists) and I'm feeling blue.

The neighbor and the neighbor psychiatrist made my heart smile. I know this is no panacea, but it sure is a relief to hear, in contrast to who these people could have been instead.

Just stepping in. The neighbors sound very nice and I bet will go along way toward taking the sting out of the black list aspect of all this. I don't really have any advice, I just wanted to add my name to the list of your supporters.

Yep, me too.

Thanks all.

I walked over the other day and got the NAME and have had a phone conference with the therapist and have scheduled a session for me and Mr. B to meet her and a session for Mo with her.

The phone conference went really well. She really does seem to know what she's talking about. Having her so highly recommended by child-pschiatrist neighbor gives me confidence.

I'm really hoping that we can get back on track.

Fingers crossed!

I've been reading along too....like freeduck, I've no advice, but hope for the best.

That's great news, Boomer!

Once more, into the breach....

Three cheers for a local Voice of Sanity.

I thought I'd sneak back in here where it seems safe to recount our first visit with this new therapist.

We have worked with some people in the past so I know that her approach is pretty different. First of all, she's wanting to work with Mo instead of with me (teaching me to help Mo).

The big difference is that she wants to hear Mo's story from Mo - to force the issues and see what he thinks about what has happened in his life. Her idea is that he can't let go of past behaviors without really knowing the difference between what is past and what is present.

Mr. B and I were both thrown a little off balance by this. On one hand I can really see why it could be good but on the other hand I have a "sleeping dog" mentality.

I was just wondering what you all might think of this.

Interesting approach and maybe the difference is that the therapist thinks Mo is old enough to handle the drama of it all. Maybe those dogs aren't as zonked out as you think Boomer, maybe those dogs are barking away inside of Mo and they need to be dealt with. I'd give it a chance.

Three thoughts.



1. I am worried it may be hard for you and the new therapist if there is lots of backstage stuff you are discussing here, and getting lots of differing advice about. My feeling is to discuss these concerns with the therapist really really outright and no holding back.





2. I have no doubt the therapist warned you of this, but it is likely Mo'll blow bigtime. This is not bad, but can be very tough. I would ask her about this and how to support him and yourselves if this happens.


3. What is your feeling about the therapist? Deep down. I think you have to go with her, or not go at all.

I do not mean shut off your critical faculties if something she does worries you......or keep going if she does harm, but right now, what is your feeling? And...CAN YOU SPEAK OPENLY and really to the gut with her? because you'll have to if you have doubts.






((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Boomer and Mo))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

That ^^^^^^^ makes tons of sense.

More hugs.

Yes, she did warn me that Mo would blow and gave us some strategies in how to deal with that when it happens.

I don't really want to do a big backstage thing but this is a big huge step for all of us. Really, Mo is the only thing we value and turning him over to someone is spooky. It is really, really hard to make this decision.

I liked her though. I liked what she said -- a lot of it was stuff I have heard (she said "You've done your homework" and I said "I've had help with my homework" (big nod towards dlowan for pointing me to the science behind the thoughts).) She was very low-key and actually downplayed a lot of things.

While Mr. B and I haven't tried to sugar-coat Mo's history we have always tread very carefully where his bios are concerned. I guess having her say "that home wasn't too safe and this home is" kind of thing is scary.

True. But scary.

I really really liked that she said her goal was to teach him to relax and have fun being a kid and to make and keep friends.

We did speak openly about our fears about digging up this stuff -- that's why she explained so carefully about why she thinks it's an important step.

She was really honest with us.

I'm just really nervous.

That also makes a ton of sense.

This is like infinitismally smaller scale, but I remember how nerve-wracking it was when sozlet started preschool, and I suddenly didn't know what she was doing all the time, didn't know what she was being taught, or how she was being taught, or what her socializing with peers was like, or... It was also so fun when her teachers turned out to be great at what they did, and were so helpful in so many ways.

But yeah, I get that standing on that precipice is scary.

I cut a tree down the other day.

There was a little rot in the middle but I cleaned that out and milled a heap of planks that will make really nice end products.

Mo is a seedling yet but he will grow to be a forest giant.

A giant redwood i think.

Yes.


And if you take a STEP towards him with an axe, you're a goner.

Hugs to you, Boomer and hugs to Mo. What dlowan says makes a lot of sense. We can support you, but I will refrain from giving advice.

Boomer--

Out of town. Posting from unfamiliar, state of the art computer with very sensitive, very frustrating keyboard. Will be brief.

Dlowan said it well--trust and then go ahead.

Kids need a simple world. Black and white have to be established before they can use euphemistic gray--let alone pastels, primary colors and all the rest of it.

Cinderella's sisters aren't "thoughtless wenches" they are out-and-out vicious bitches. Mo's birth family might be "emotionally challenged" in social work parlance, but as far as Mo's treatment goes they were a Den of Vipers and a crew of Child Molesters, Child Ignorers and Child Abusers.

Mo was mistreated not because he was a Bad Boy but because they were Bad People

Also, Mo's life has not been "fair". Grownups have trouble accepting Cosmic Injustice. What is an infant to do?

You'd be nervous if Mo were going to be hospitalized for major physical surgery. Allowing a good therapist to fish around in his mind is equally daunting for loving parents.


Hold your dominion.

I trusted someone with the axe today.

Who knew you could sculpt so surgically with such a crude tool?

It was really eye-opening.

I think we'll be okay.

I think you will be, too.