What's most dangerous to your health?

actually drew dad, I have no history at all with dag.

in the past, when I would respond to something she wrote, she'd either ignore me, or shut me down with some quip, so I just ususally read what she's saying if it's in the line of posts and move on. In fact, you know how you'll be looking at new posts and if you see a particular persons name, you'll say "hey, I wonder what drewdad just said (I do that with you for instance)" and you look to see? Well, some other names you just see as the last person who posted, and it doesn't really inspire you to see what was just said...dag, with no malice or insult intended, is just one of those people who when I see her name as the last poster, doesn't really cause me to want to see what is happening in that thread.....so, no...I don't believe I have any history with her, because I don't go looking for her. However, when someone sticks their nose in, or calls me pissy, I've decided I'm not going to be some meek little lamb.

I haven't a clue if dag feels we have a history, you'd have to ask her.

The reason I "lashed" out at her is, in this case she sticking her nose in a conversation between me and another person....if someone does that IRL, I would say "do you mind? I was talking to joe"

As for your saying you thought dag was showing empathy for me, well, I didn't feel that....she seemed to be feeling much more empathy for coolwhip and his off the cuff remark. When you feel empathy for someone, in my book, you say "I'm sorry for what happened" and don't follow it up with a "but....." as coolwhip did, or dag informing me that everyone has serious ****.

For instance, knowing that dag is close to littlek...I don't feel if littlek was telling dag about the health issues her father is having, her response would have been....."littlek, we all have serious **** in our lives" or "my grandfather died of something, everyone dies of something"....no....I think she would have said..."I'm sorry for what you are going through" or "I hope your father feels better", not informing her she's in the same boat as everyone else. At least coolwhip made the attempt by saying he was sorry what my family went through.

again, having no history with dag that I know of, I don't know why she would feel she had to butt in and then tell me something I already knew. I don't see that as empathy, and yes, I do see it as minimizing what another person has gone through.

Talking about her trivial stuff? The reason I brought that up as in "we all have our crosses to bear" was to show how it must feel when someone gets blown off with a "we all have problems" statement.

In the thread where dag goes on about her grievences about whoever that guy was...and honestly I only read dibs and dabs of it...I don't recall anyone saying to her "we all have **** we go through"...No, people were more giving advice, or saying they were sorry for having to put up with such a person.

I tell on a thread that is specifically about health risks, which largly features smoking, a discription of how another human being was near death and suffered greatly, and I get "We all have serious **** to deal with"

Forgive me if I didn't find that particularly comforting.

Over the years when it was touch and go with Mr. Tea, the people who comforted me the most were the ones who would, out of the clear blue ask "How is Mr Tea doing?"....it helped a lot, when appropriate, they would share about how they went through a bad time too, how they couped, and how they knew what he was going through, or what I was going through. I wouldn't have found much comfort hearing "well, we've all got serious ****"

I don't care for being interrupted, or having someone feel they need to jump to someone elses defense when they are capable of responding for themselves.

That's another damaging things cigarettes can do...they not only kill the people who smoke them, they subject others to having to living through or with a lot of "****", and they really don't need to be reminded of it, as if they may have forgotten.

no. i wasn't trying to blow anyone off. as drewdad already said and i tried to point out, i posted that after the post about how my grandfather died. i did try to empathize. i will not try that again.

btw, your grandfather post and mine where cross posted.

I did not see it until after I posted mine...you weren't being ignored, I hadn't had the opportunity to read it.

and.....I am sorry your grandfather died of acoholism and cancer. It's not a happy way to go.




finally, I'm glad I had the opportunity to clear up how I saw your posts.


People like to say, "oh...you need to understand where they're coming from"....well...many of the same people who say that don't seem to realize it's a 2 way street.
It'd be nice if someone felt the need to understand me for a change, rather than me having to understand them.

some days I feel like I spend my entire f*cking life having to understand others....I don't see anyone breaking down the doors to do the same for me.

yeah I'm f*cking touchy about this, with no apology for being touchy....but you just have to understand...

I can see how it could have been understood the other way. i'll relate it better next time. well, i'm off. enough was said.

Well Chai - I for one did not think you were being a b*tch. It is understandably upsetting for you. I don't understand completely because I have been fortunate not to experience such a thing, but I do feel for you.

thanks linkat, I truly do appreciate your kind words.

In fact, today, quite a few good things have come from both of us going through that time.

#1 It brought us closer together, and we were already close. When I was in therapy, and had to go through the whole story so the counselor knew what she was dealing with, she asked me "How do you feel about him now?" I said, "He's my life. I don't know what I'd do without him." She wasn't exactly surprised, but said "Really?" I didn't know what she was getting at, so I said, "Yes, he was there for me for so many hard things. So I knew I had to be there for him, no matter what. But now, I just can't take it any longer and I just want some peach." Well, I guess I said the right thing, because she told me when one partner goes through something that significantly changes both their lives, the other one tends to either bond even tighter where nothing could break them apart….or, they just fall away from that person emotionally. I guess we bonded.

#2 Although he has limitations, his heart is actually better than before the heart attack. Areas they thought were dead, were not.

#3 He doesn't push himself so hard. He really does take time to smell the roses. He stays home and does stuff in and around the house, goes and works on cars over at Edmunds house, helps the guys next door who are building their house, takes care of the stray cat that lives on our porch., and brings home stuff from Home Depot for both of our projects.

I know something will happen someday, so it's important to give him as much happiness as I can. He celebrated his 61st birthday yesterday, and I truly didn't think he'd be around for that. I didn't think he'd be around to see 57.

A song for Chai and Mr. Chai to slow dance to.
You did it.
Congratulations, and Happy Birthday Mr. Tea!!


"I Could Not Ask For More"

Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smile just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
And these are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything in me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
And these are the moments
I know all I need is this
I've found all I've waited for, yeah
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
And every prayer has been answered
Every dream I've had's come true
Yeah, right here in this moment
Is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me
Yeah

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
And these are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
And every prayer has been answered
Every dream I've had's come true
Yeah, right here in this moment
Is right where I'm meant to be
Oh, here with you here with me
No, I could not ask for more
Than this love you gave me
Cause it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
No, yeah
No, I could not ask for more

--- thanks for the good tears today, Chai. Love is good for the health, always.

Chai--

You've earned your slow dancing, moonlight and roses.

Hold your dominion.

Chia, I'm sorry for the pain and fear that you went through.
But it makes me happy to hear that the bonds you have with Mr Tea are so strong and that you both appreciate the time you now have.

Somehow it gives me hope. I guess in the way that two people can face the worst that life can throw at them, and only grow closer as a result.

Me and Mine are having some tough times, but hearing your story helps. Thank you. Remembering to enjoy each day with the one you love is something I need to remember.

Happy Birthday to Mr Tea! August is the best month for Birthdays!:wink:

awww...thanks everyone

now ya'll have made me cry.

mushy...you're my sweetheart.

noddy...you're my wise elder.

caribou...it's a gift back to me to be able to say something that helps another. I hope whatever it is works out.

Chai--

Thanks for the kind words.

Sometimes being Designated Mighty Oak gets very tiring--you're entitled every so often to be a Weeping/Whomping/Weary Willow.

Wow, that exchange between Chai and Coolwhip-- I guess I should let sleeping dogs lie, but I could so easily have made the exact same silly, off-the-cuff comment that Coolwhip did, that it just makes me feel funny about the whole thing. I would hope someone would say something in my defense if I got a completely uncalled for rant in response to an innocent light remark, so I'm going to pipe up in Coolwhip's defense.

I am really shocked that you don't feel you were out of line, Chai. Coolwhip is someone I quite like; I've never seen a disrespectful, unkind, or out-of-line post from-- um, him? her? it? ()-- and I guess I just want to say something about it out of some sense of "Then they came for the whipped toppings, and I said nothing," you know? Coolwhip deserves better treatment than that.

Chai,

Thanks for your efforts to introduce people to the negative side of smoking for both smokers and those who live around smokers. Celebrating another birthday milestone with your husband must churn up an endless variety of emotions and memories. Even though those memories are tough to deal with, I hope the celebratory emotions will win out every time so this milesone can be a happier one for you for many years to come as you make new memories together.

Did I already tell about the man who was asked what is the most dangerous food he has ever eaten? Well, he answered "wedding cake."

Okay, I'll pipe up too then. Frankly; I think TTH hit the nail on the head... and the attack on Dag was equally absurd.

Chai, while I have a lot of sympathy for what you and your hubby went through, I also think you were way off the mark with TTH, Dag and Coolwhip. I think you read into what they were saying things that they weren't. And, I think you have a lot of residual stuff going on there.

I'd just like to say that the only reason why I made that comment in the first place was because I saw Chai's avatar. I guess I saw is as somewhat of a green light.

I wrote this giant post on all this and didn't push send.
Still thinking about it.

Coolwhip did no wrong, at all.

Neither did anyone who "interrupted" a conversation.

(The thing with Dag? resentments happen on boards, and crop up. Ever will.)

At the same time, many of us care about how Chai feels; however this is dismissed or not, caring is possible on such a board, even with people who don't always agree.

People have buttons. Sometimes they're pushed intentionally, sometimes innocently. Doesn't matter. You push someone's buttons with flippant sarcasm you're going to get a reaction. Others calling someone a bitch is uncalled for and certainly does nothing to diffuse what should be, IMO, a discussion left to the pusher and the pushee. Piling on and teaming up on one side or another only adds to the unrest.

Whoever mentioned letting sleeping dogs lie had it right (and could have left it at that).

Well said, JPB

I knew I wanted to say something about "people have buttons", but I wasn't sure where to go from there...





There's part of me that admires Chia's straight forwardness, the rashness and bluntness in which she posts. The emotion and the no-holds-barred.
The freedom she has in expressing herself...
Course, that's going to get anyone in trouble....
Good days and bad days, I see Chia posting.
I admire her candor, even when it comes off bitchy.
Yeah, at times it can go too far, but.... well.

Look at me, I read and read and barely post cause I fear being misunderstood, and having to defend myself.


<wanders off, having lost train of thought, needs to get ready to go to work in a heat index of 108>