She might be crazy...

Well, maybe she should.

you are absolutely correct, but she isnt finding out from me!

actually another thing that is interesting. I actually threatened to tell her parents everything when she told me she was late...she begged me not to. BEGGED. She was crying and going crazy and did not want me to tell her parents or my own. I thought that was weird, especially if she thought she might be pregnant.

I kind of used that to maybe scare her into telling me the truth..but idk

Oy, there is a 19 year old girl, and her mother doesn't know she's sexually active? Where the hell do those poeple live - middle age?

Well, if you want to make sure that she's not pregnant, then write her
mother a short note about your past relationship and that her daughter
was tested negative for a pregnancy. Her mother should know in what
emotional turnmoil her daughter is, only then can she help her.

Look, if you want to know if she is pregnant, I've given you some ideas. Even taking the time before the end of the month to go there and watch her take the test, isn't out of the question.

You want out of this relationship? Without worrying about whether she's pregnant or may do herself some harm?

Then inform her parents, suck it up and be an adult.

You need an answer to whether she's preggers, you can't trust her to give it to you. You need out of this relationship without worrying about her hurting herself. Then her parents need to know her state of mind.

It's the responsible and sensible thing to do.

Wallowing in worry, when there are things that could be done to resolve the worry, is ridiculous.

Plus, since she sounds so unstable and her parents obviously need to keep tabs on her closely for a while, they probably ought to know she's sexually active-- you'd kind of be doing them a favor letting them know what she's up to...

I disagree, or think I disagree. It is not another person's business to tell a nineteen year old's parents personal information. I can see alerting family to instabiity (even then I'd have to think about it) but djrSa says they are well aware of that.

That was my first instinct-- that it's not his business to tell the parents-- and if it were a normal 19-year-old, I'd definitely be against telling them.

But it sounds like in this situation that she is kind of emotionally unfit to take care of herself, and they are having to be more responsible for what's going on with her than in a normal situation. So then isn't it maybe dangerous that they are so out of it that they think she's not having sex? Seems like they might need to be involved in keeping her from really screwing up her life while she is so unstable, and they'd need to be a bit more fully informed to do that...

But, eh, all in all, you're probably right on and djrSa should just extricate himself and leave themselves to themselves.

thats kind of how i felt...she was sexually active waaay before me, maybe they do know but just dont want to think about it. After all, thats how id be if i had a daughter. They know she has emotional issues...i think thats all they need to know.

but if she is pregnant she knows damn well im going to her parents...i think thats why she made sure she kept me updated with the doctor call backs, she knows i dont joke around.

im still worried though, what do you guys think the chances are that she is pregnant....condom+pill+last time we had sex were the last 2 days of the week of her period last month. She also met with a gyno last tuesday and an ER visit friday...with no sign of her period this month BUT she said the ER doc didnt say anything. Also when she called (or said she called) they said the test was negative...

Still no call back from gyno. FYI her parents were in hospital with her.

Really, stop worrying about the pregnancy. She's probably just stressed out and that's delaying her period. I've been a month late several times when I was really stressed, it's not that out of the question.

Well, even without protection, pregnancy is on the unlikely side, because the sex was relatively few days from the start of the period (are we sure Monday was the start?). I haven't read lately what the possible parameters for that are, but fifth and sixth day seem early in my memory. For arguments sake, let's say it's possible.

You haven't had sex since then. (Um, anyone else in the picture?)

But then a month has gone by and tests (seem to be) negative.

Plus she was on the pill (shall we trust this? had she just started using the pill?) and you used a condom.

Stress can affect period timing, as can a few other things like extreme athleticism, low nutrition, and general ordinary irregular period timing.

All and all, I'd be pretty surprised if she was pregnant.


People on a2k who have followed ovulatioin data more recently than I may have better info.

the days that we last had sex were the last 3 days of her placebo pills.

She's not pregnant. She very well may be late -- stress can cause every symptom of pregnancy, particularly in an already anxious person -- but she's not pregnant. Breathe deeply and relax. If a woman on the pill has sex with a man using a condom on the during the 26th - 28th days of her pill cycle she is most certainly not pregnant. You have my word on it. In fact, if this woman is pregnant then I'll personally pay for the abortion.

Move on, you're fine. She needs help and I hope she receives it.

I'm not much of a gambling woman, but I'd be willing to bet that she's not pregnant, not with your child anyway.

You mentioned that one day she said she had her period, then she changed her story. Trust me, she's playing you!

I'm with the others in saying you need to totally cut her out of your life. You need to do this for your own stability because dealing with all her emotional baggage will only break you down.
She needs help that you can't give her and if she really tried to kill herself, she wouldn't have downed a few Advil ;-)

She playing a cruel game with you and letting her get away with that doesn't help her one bit.

She sounds like a spoiled brat to me!

Here's what you should do come the end of August:

KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS!



unless, of course, you enjoy this

Re: She might be crazy...


Let's start at the beginning... You had sex on days 26 - 28 of her cycle last month. When was that in relation to today? When was it in relation to your breakup? When was it in relation to the pregnancy test in the ER? Did she start her next pill pack on schedule? Is that pill pack now gone and she expected to start her period a week ago?

It sounds like she's desperately trying to hold on to you. If you can't ignore her messages then my suggestion would be to send one along the lines of, "I sincerely hope that you are not pregnant. If you are pregnant, then I will meet my legal responsibilities to our child once he or she is born and a paternity test has confirmed that I am, in fact, the father. Please do not contact me again until it is time for the paternity test." Keep it clinical and to the point. In the meantime, don't lay awake at night waiting for the call to have the test. She isn't pregnant.

That sounds perfect, JPB!

in response to the post above...it was probably like 28, 29th day of her cycle last month. She started a new pill that monday (we had sex the friday and saturday before).

Her change in tune tells me she's bluffing.

Ah, more info here. You're saying that you last had doubly-protected sex with her about six weeks ago and that she took a full pack of bcps since then, right? The breakup was this past week and the ER given pregnancy test was after the breakup (say, Tuesday or Wednesday) and she also saw her gyno on Tuesday. Pregnancy test results don't take a week to come back. They usually do an in-office urine test but even if they did a blood test for HCG the results would be back by now. Did the gyno repeat the pregnancy test or was it other routine gynocological tests? Regardless, even if they didn't do a pregnancy test in the dr's office, a test done in the ER six weeks after the last sexual activity would not be inconclusive.

Maybe data will help you to relax, djr5a. When an egg is fertilized it begins a journey toward the uterus and will implant itself in the uterus triggering the body to begin formation of B-hCG. Pregnancy tests (blood and urine) are based on detecting B-hCG in levels that indicate pregnancy. Blood tests are more sensitive to early pregnancy than urine tests because it takes a higher level of B-hCG to spill over into the urine. Blood tests can detect minute amounts of B-hCG and any amount higher than 5mIU/mL is indicative of an early pregnancy. Urine tests have a sensitivity of between 15 and 25 mIU/mL. Once the egg is implanted B-hCG production skyrockets. Here is a Table showing detected levels of B-hCG in pregnant women by five different labs. The table is based on number of weeks since conception. You'll notice that by the end of the second week the levels of B-hCG are sufficient to be detected by urine tests.

Let's imagine the worst possible scenario. That would be that her bcps failed and your condom failed and that there were viable sperm available to meet her egg if she ovulated. Her ovulation would have to have happened -1 to 5 days from the act in order to meet viable sperm and still be fertile. Eggs are typically only fertile for about 24 hours after being released from the ovary. For our example let's use the longest lead time (the time that would allow for the least amount of B-hCG production at the time of her pregnancy test at the ER).

Let's say you had sex on Saturday and the condom failed. Let's also assume that she ovulated 5 days later, even though she was on birth control, and your virulent sperm were still swimming around looking for an egg. Then this fertilized egg started slowly making it's way towards the uterus and implanted 8 days later (on day 13). She would have immediately begun production of B-hCG and would have produced enough by the end of the next week (day 20) to turn every pregnancy test on the planet positive. This is why pregnancy tests are accurate from as early as one day beyond a missed period. So, if the negative pregnancy test done in the ER was 20 or more days after the last time you had sex then she is not pregnant with your child.