Is there such a thing as "emotional cheating"?

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Is there such a thing as cheating "emotionally"? I've heard different takes on it - from the Puritan view that to simply lust with the eyes is "committing adultery in the heart", to the view that anything goes as long as there's no touching.

I enjoy flirting sometimes, but I know I wouldn't appreciate it if I saw my wife do the exact same things as I do (trying to chat up cute female customers at work) with men.

Just thinking out loud here, sort of - curious about what y'all think...

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I think there can be. I don't know that I would put flirting in that category but people can certianly come to see someone other than than S/O as their primary emotional "lean on me" person.

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Sure there is such a thing. But I would consider what you described as "mental" cheating since it's something that you're completely aware of. But I wouldn't even term it "cheating" in a real sense. It is nothing emotional or physical.

"Emotional cheating" to me would be feeling so close to someone of the opposite sex - that's not your spouse - to the point that you are sharing your deepest feelings. It would be confiding in someone else of the opposite sex you are emotionally attached to as you should be to your spouse. I suppose I'm describing the first stages of an affair though, and I don't think that's quite what you meant.

I think what you're doing, and would be opposed to your wife doing, is simply flirting ....and enjoying it.

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Quote:

"Emotional cheating" to me would be feeling so close to someone of the opposite sex - that's not your spouse - to the point that you are sharing your deepest feelings. It would be confiding in someone else of the opposite sex you are emotionally attached to as you should be to your spouse. I suppose I'm describing the first stages of an affair though, and I don't think that's quite what you meant.

happycat- I agree with the first part of you statement, and disagree with the last. I think that a person can emotionally "cheat" with another, without it ever becoming a full blown affair. I think that the problem is where is is a disconnect of communication between the spouses, so one of them develops a relationship with a person of the opposite sex to whom he/she tells things that cannot be discussed with the spouse.

In any event, whether the relationship evolves into an actual affair or not, is besides the point. Having to go outside the marriage for a great deal of emotional fulfillment, is, IMO, a sign that there are problems within the marriage.

Another thing. I used the word, "cheat" but I don't want to make a value judgement of that kind of behavior. Often the person doing this is doing it out of desperation, and these relationships can often afford the relief in a dysfunctional relationship that can ultimately "save" the marriage.

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Phoenix, I agree with you, and that's why I said "the first stages" of an affair. Many times that's how they start. Not always though.

I think flirting is just a way of boosting your own self-esteem in a fun way....or in snood's case, making a sale.

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"Emotional cheating" to me would be feeling so close to someone of the opposite sex - that's not your spouse - to the point that you are sharing your deepest feelings.

The qualifying phrase "of the opposite sex" is interesting.

The implication here is that you can have a close friendship with one gender without cheating... but the same type of friendship with the other gender would be verboten.

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ebrown_p wrote:

Quote:

"Emotional cheating" to me would be feeling so close to someone of the opposite sex - that's not your spouse - to the point that you are sharing your deepest feelings.

The qualifying phrase "of the opposite sex" is interesting.

The implication here is that you can have a close friendship with one gender without cheating... but the same type of friendship with the other gender would be verboten.

I'm speaking from a heterosexual viewpoint.
Usually a spouse won't object to a close emotional friendship with a person of the same sex.

Of course, we could split hairs here, but I don't think that's what snood is looking for in this instance. I could be wrong though.

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Interesting that you saw the ebrown_p! I thought the same thing...

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I think flirting is just a way of boosting your own self-esteem in a fun way....or in snood's case, making a sale.

happycat- There's flirting, and there's FLIRTING. The issue is the motivation. If the flirting is done just to have a good time, to make a sale, IMO there is no harm, and it can be lots of fun. If the flirting is a "fishing expedition", with the person flirting looking to begin a more serious relationship, that is another matter entirely.

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It depends on te intent. This post relates to Objectification by TKO Diest. See my response in that. I have recently experienced something where i was emotionally dependent on one of my collegue, Male. Not because I wanted to cheat on my husband but because he as an oncologist could share and understand what my husband as a software programmer would not. I never intended to have an affair. My husband often warned me though that it could get complicated because men dont think the same way as women. He stayed very reserved, always had a listening ear but never took advantage of me. So I have felt emotionally dependent and closer to another person of the opposite Sex. Both of us are married with kids. He is attractive. It could have been the start of an affair, but I think we as human beings are capable of loving each other in ways taht may not be physical. It is very complex. I dont understand myself if I did anything wrong any thoughts.

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How come ?
thanks Baddog 1. This is such a good article. I agree with everything Dr.Atkins said. I am trying to understand peoples reasoning for letting " Flirting" (which is a conscious phenomenon and can hurt another person your spouse or the person you are flirting with) be a more acceptable thing when compared to Emotional cheating which in most cases as described by Dr.Atkins is circumstantial secondary to modern lifestyles. Which means in most cases it would be unintentional.

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I could really go for an emotional bj right now.

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nice

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what is emotional BJ ?

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luvmykidsandhubby wrote:

what is emotional BJ ?

Metaphorically speaking, it is when one party's "mouth," if you will, is placed around the other party's "male genitalia," as it were.

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hmmm. This emotional bj intrigues me.

As for the original thing, my rule is generally I think what Da Man would do or say if he were there looking on.

I guess each couples works out the lines. Some stricter than others.

I think what you described, Snood, seems pretty innocent and not emotional cheating or cheating of any kind. But guess it would all depend on what your wife and you had figured out was ok or not.

Tricky business, really.

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It would have been Ok if U would not have said. I would not want my wife to do it.