Again apologies for English being the third language that I speak but what is a Kook?
Happy Cat, You said you lost interest in my post How come you are referring to it. What would be a proper English term here PAssive agressive? Or is it just that there was no more spice material in my Post and here we are still actively discussing Flirting being OK. That psychology 101 really helps.
Every one can give advice based on their relative areas of expertise or from personal experience As long as there are no hidden motives. Yes I would strongly advise against Flirting because there is a strong possibility that U ar the other person can get too attached. OR worse you keep wondering if you emotionally hurt a nice person unintentionally.
If that cute female happens to be there as you are finishing up your shift and she asks for advice that could lead to an easy sale for you. It is your associate who is on his shift now, A new guy who is trying to make it in the real world, also has a family to feed , then referring that female to him would be a very respectable and appropriate thing to do. (Again would "Pawning" be used in the same context would look it up in the dictionary tonight , maybe it has more than one meaning) She may be puzzled but in the long run would respect you more, hopefully without any strings attached.
The right thing to do is harder but if you were not capable of doing it you would not have asked the question. You would go on without feeling any guilt. The reason you did not ask your wife the question and came to A2K shows your innocent guilt and that is what make us human. I love A2K it is like friends, group psychothrapy and much more.
The minute Setanta stops flirting, I'm starting a death watch.
there is almost certainly such a thing as emotional cheating.
let's look at it this way... 50% of marriages end in divorce, people already fight in relationships more than they need to. a little fighting is natural and healthy. a lot of fighting might not be as good as breaking up, you know?
let's assume that "emotional cheating" is WORLD'S more common than physical cheating. okay, this is something people need to get over.
emotional cheating becomes a real problem when a. it does lead to an affair. this is the exception, it's not the rule. CARPOOLING can lead to an affair, the tiny possibility is no reason to destroy the ozone.
b. when it means that you are no longer being appreciated or loved enough. this happens. but if you're being ignored a bit, is s/he emotionally cheating on you? it could be a million things. s/he could be depressed, too.
a. is trickier to resolve (assuming that you're interested.) b. usually resolves itself, i bet 85% of the time it just goes away on its own. ever had a little crush for a day or a week that turned out to be nothing? did it change your life? no? well there you go. happens.
if you spend your relationship obsessed with emotional fidelity you're going to hurt your relationship, probably more than you'll wish you had. even assuming it's mostly the other person's fault, don't lose sight of the big picture for emotional details.
emotions are important, fidelity is important, emotional fidelity is one of those things that sane people make into a gray area so they can remain sane people. it's your call, naturally. i'd rather see a reasonably happy couple stay together, if they've devoted their bodies to each other, and when all's tallied up, their lives and emotions as well.
if you are really devoted to each other, i think you'll be able to make the call, whether it's a real issue one time or another. after all, you'll be really close in general. sometimes it is a real issue, but leaving it alone when it's really okay is an unsung virtue.
Quote:if they've devoted their bodies to each other, and when all's tallied up, their lives and emotions as well.
This does not make appeal to me. You know for us females emotional devotion is more important and physical devotion comes much later.
well, then you might feel most at home in a "there IS such a thing as emotional cheating." thread. this one came as a question...
but to help you feel welcome here also, i'll point out that i was referring to priority, not sequence- think of a triage. if someone cheats on you physically, he's got a better chance of being booted out for good than if he does emotionally.
putting it that way was just a nod to the complexity of emotional fidelity.
but now that you mention it, let's turn this question sideways- to you personally, what is "full emotional fidelity?" never noticing another woman ever again? let us know, if you would.
Tell me about physical infidelity going along with full emotional fidelity...
Quote:what is "full emotional fidelity?" never noticing another woman ever again?
Yes that would be a Puritan's view of it, which most of us are not.
To me question from this thread was not "Is there such a thing" but " IS it Ok? (Because everyone agrees that there is such thing)
It is impossible never to have any thoughts about anyone other than your S/O or Spouse. If you consider it Ok and not check yourself, that is the start of trouble. Your thoughts make you feel the way you do. When you consideer Emotional devotion as an Ok thing , soon it will lead to feeling distant physically from your spouse, s/o. So it is important to check yourself when possible. That is my take on it.
i think it's important to check yourself at some point, yes, absolutely necessary. however if you do this immediately, i think it's still rather puritan.
if that question was for me francis, you have me backwards- i don't see how you can have any emotional fidelity while being physically unfaithful, which is why i think physical fidelity is a priority. it's pretty much black and white, while emotional fidelity is quite gray, (unless you're very puritan...) in fact, i think maybe one reason we place importance on physical fidelity (historically anyway) is to help us engender a deeper emotional fidelity over time.
[/QUOTE]]in fact, i think maybe one reason we place importance on physical fidelity (historically anyway) is to help us engender a deeper emotional fidelity over time.
Quote:
I often find myself questioning Why PhysicaL fidelity is given priority. I would think personally for me and for most females I know it will work the other way around. Feeling emotionally close will later lead to the need for physical attachment.
What most females complain is not Physical detachment but Lack of Emotional involvement from their spouse. So I would think key to maintaining a healthy relationship would be to enrich the emotional bond first. Yes, for the record I believe in gender stereotyping and maybe it is different for males.
